TJ North

Man, I am in a bad mood. The day started out in a particularly annoying way and it has not improved. I feel like I want to chew on someone. (And not in a good way).

My day was filled with meetings that left a ton of work on my desk, to be done by tomorrow. I came home to eat and  take the dog for a walk and then I have to head back in and get a couple of those assignments done.

In addition, I found out that Loverboy forgot that that we were having a bbq this Sunday, and forgot to invite his friends, the ones whose schedule we accomodated by planning the party this weekend, even though I have to work. So of course they are now busy, and since I have already invited people we can’t cancel. And he promised to do all the party prep on the weekend, since I am working, but  oops! forgot that and now he has several errands he has to run/get done this weekend that absolutely can’t wait, and he will help me if he can.

This has now changed from ‘our’ party to ‘my’ party that he will help with if I need him and he can manage to fit it in.  I am ready to bbq him.

I am actually very freaked out by this. I refuse to take on the role of the woman who has to make sure the guy does what he promised. My stance is “Look, if you don’t offer, that’s fine. If I ask and you say no - cool, I am a big girl I know how to get things done. But you offered, so step up.  If you promise and don’t deliver, then even though I’ll make other arrangements, in the future I’ll make my own plans for myself. ” My exhusband used to leave me twisting in the wind like this over things big and small, and I don’t know how much of my anger today  is deja vu induced and how much is actually reasonable in this situation.

My solution: retail therapy. Two books, two candle holders, two pairs of shoes (on sale - less that $60 total) and two albums. Now I will go for my walk and try to think peaceful, walk-like thoughts.

{Later} I do seem to be on a roll with this sub-1700 calorie thing. And I logged another 70 minute walk. I have to do a couple of longer hikes in the next 2 weeks or the math will catch up with me again.

A lot of people seem to be having this problem - freaky scale readings that make no sense. Maybe it’s the first wave of the ET alien attack - a computer virus that hits us where we are most vulnerable, and while we are all obsessed with figuring out why the scale went down 2 lbs yesterday and up 8 today, they’ll quietly move in and take over.

In addition, to cover all the bases, I am blaming the following:  the weather, the gallons of water I drank yesterday, that I am letting my hair grow in, hmmm I am sure I can think of a couple more. Cause it makes no sense that I am eating responsibly (mostly) and power walking every single night (I mean it - no strolling around the park, but uphill at a strong pace) and STILL, STILL seeing the numbers seesaw on that nasty machine. It’s enough to make me crawl into a chocolate chip cookie bag.

{Later} 70 minute walk in the rain, which was actually quite soothing, and another sub 1700 calorie day. I must be very bloated today because my shoes were way too tight and now my ankles feel spongey. Sigh.

I spent today working in my yard, doing the heavy hard stuff so I can plant the gardens this week. I am sore and tired, but happy with what I have accomplished so far. But my car is still full of bags of dirt and plants and y’know, maybe I’ll just leave them there.

I have decided I am going to put in a new shade garden because Ineed a place to put more hostas.  The climbing rose is such a disappointment and it has to go. I am going to replace it with 2 clematis and a big trellis.  I have lillies that come up every year but are completely eaten by some bug before they bloom, so I have no idea what the flowers look like. They are hitting the compost heap too this week.  I also bought a couple of shrubs for the front garden that looks so bleak right now. I can’t remember what was in the centre of the bed but it didn’t make it through and now there is a big hole.

It has been a quiet weekend, considering. Yesterday I helped with a move and then hung out on the new patio drinking beer until the wee hours. Today I am detox-ing…lol…so lots of water and lots of fruit. The physical labour helped too - nothing like sweating out the bad stuff. 

This week is going to be very busy and I will have to get into the office early tomorrow morning. I have a new staff person starting and I have to get the orientation package ready for him. I completely forgot about it on Friday.

It is a warm and humid day; my hair has gone crazy curly.  Summertime.  I’ll have to find some time soon to put the winter coats away and get the summer stuff out. I know I have a box of tank tops, etc somewhere but I haven’t bothered to look for them yet. And I guess it is safe to get the winter tires off the car. 

Only managed 50 minutes of walk tonight but I am going to give myself the hour, only because I know that I had a very high activitiy day. So it is not really cheating on the ticker. And yay me! another sub 1700 calorie day. 

I am going to regret this. I came home relatively early, about 6:30, and after a self-idulgent dinner of crackers and pate I had a nap. Full bore - I got into my jammies and into bed. I slept for over an hour, then daydreamed and drifted for a bit more. Now I am feeling slightly disoriented, and slightly disappointed that I have wasted the evening. I am on a renovation schedule and tonight I had planned to start painting the apt. If not, then perhaps one of the many many chores on my ever-growing to-do list. I am going to feel guilty and annoyed with myself for the rest of the evening.

Will I actually tackle any of those jobs now? Oh, if I have to be honest, I think not. And I will probably be awake until 2 or 3 am, undoing any of the physical restoration my nap accomplished.

I still have to do the dog walk and this is the time of year when the mosquitoes can make the shortest evening jaunt pure misery. I do not go out until I am slick with bug repellent, and it does work. At least, they don’t seem to land on me, just circle.

 I admit to a very un-zen like small spurt of satisfaction when I kill one. I think it is the thought of all those thousands of skeeters yet unborn that I am keeping out of the world, too.

Even with my dinner of hors d’oeuvres (sp?) I have a very low calorie count today. Yay me! No cookies, no chocolate bar, no chips. Big plate of veggies with a small amount of salmon for lunch. So barring late night diet disaster this is another under 1700 day. yay me!

Anybody want a dog? For the last two weeks, he has been barking to get out in the middle of the night and early (5AM!!!!) more and more. I thought maybe he was sick; maybe the dawn chorus of birds was getting to him…NO…I finally figured it out - he’s BORED. So last night I decided to just let him bark until he realised it wasn’t getting him anywhere. Bark. And bark. And bark. I get up and make him lie down; chew his toy. Bark. Bark. Repeat. Bark. Bark. Repeat. Alarm clock. Oh, my, I was not happy. And this was a very important day at work - VIPs everywhere, big announcements, union meetings, reporters all over the place….tonight, I will not be throwing toys at the problem. I’m thinking doggie gag.

Of course I am kidding. Maybe.

Well, still did my 70 minutes walk tonight. I went through  a deserted lot, overgrown with dandelions. Under a full moon, a million white globes of dandelion heads, like small moons themselves, pinned to the earth. So beautiful.

I will be helping a friend move this weekend. This is a divorce move; not a happy time. She has mobilised a team of friends for moral support, and hired a moving company to do the actual work. This seems like a good idea to me. She has assigned tasks; I am in charge of beer and making sure food gets ordered at some point during the day. Again, a good idea. Play to my strengths.

Loverboy is spending the weekend at his cabin to get some chores done, and, I think, to avoid the above scene.

Another bad food day….well, better than the last 2.  Sigh. I keep telling myself that it is the big picture that counts, that I need to pay attention to trends, and the details will take care of themselves. I hope I am right. One good thing - the suit I wore today did not fit at all 6 months ago. That has to mean something.