TJ North

I am stealing a few moments before I head off to my evening meeting. Loverboy is coming down tonight as he has meetings in town tomorrow and then he will be ‘working from home’ Friday. My home. I have to find a way to bring up my discomfort with his my-home-is-his-home assumptions. It is not that I don’t like having him around, but I am feeling invaded. We have never discussed this, he just ummm, decided to use my home as his base. This means he can get away with not having to maintain a household, not have to pay rent or bills, not have that level of responsibility. At the same time, he has taken over my shoe closet for the clothes he doesn’t want to pack up every Sunday, his toiletries are stored in my bathroom, he does all his laundry at my home, and he has big rubber boxes of stuff in my spare room! He has even given my address as his home to his employer.

 My boundaries are being crossed all around me and it is making me so uncomfortable. I told him that I would only live with a man if I was married to him, that I like my single person life. So since he says he doesn’t want to get married again, this seems to be his solution…he’s not really living here, just using it as his base. See, now I am getting all tense about it again.  Clearly I have to find a way to address this that doesn’t blow it all out of proportion.  It just feels unbalanced because if he doesn’t have a home, I can’t go spend time in his space, can I? He does have the cabin, but it’s not the same thing. And even so, I don’t even leave a toothbrush there. Damn. Well, the main thing is I don’t want to save this for a big blowout, and sideswipe him. I am just going to have to put it out on the table and set a deadline for it to change.

Sometimes I hate being a grown up about things.