The journey from fat to fit. Road trip, woo hoo!

I am 5′1″.  That’s pretty short.  I don’t have a stocky build.  I have the potential to be tiny (again).  I started struggling with my weight in grade school, but I was never obese.  I fluctuated between tiny and normal/slightly chubby.  I was small all through high school, junior size 5 max, fluctuating down to 3’s at times.  I got married at age 19 in a size 5 wedding dress.  I had my first daughter at age 22.  I don’t remember my exact weight, but I was probably 125 lb when I got pregnant.  I was severely nauseaus for the entire pregnancy and I do remember my exact pregnancy weight gain: zero pounds!  I lost 12 pounds in the first trimester from nauseau then gained the 12 back.  I was in a junior size 7 jeans when my daughter was a week old.  I had another baby 17 months later.  Again, I don’t have exact recall on my weight, but I probably maxed out at 135-140 lb.  I lost the weight after his birth in 1988 pretty quickly and maintained at a size 7 for a few years, slowly floating up to a junior size 9 and then 11.

Fast forward to 1997.  I was divorced from my “starter” husband.  My weight was 135 lb, about a size 8-10 misses.  I started working out with a trainer and got down to 123 lb, size 6.  This was the best I ever looked in my freaking life.  I looked great, so toned.  Downside though is that it was A LOT OF WORK and I couldn’t maintain it.

I married my “real” husband in ‘98.  My weight was 128 lb and my wedding dress was a size 8.  I looked great and was happy.  I got pregnant ON THE HONEYMOON (I shit you not) at age 32.  Uneventful pregnancy, weight gain up to 150.  I have never gone below 150 since then.  After I had the princess, I felt like I lost the baby weight, I felt good, but I was 150 lb.  I was in a consistent size 10-12 misses clothing, and happy with it.  I worked out sporadically and felt comfortable in my body even though it was not the same body I went into this new marriage with.

In 2000 I had a hysterectomy.  Things started going downhill from there.  My weight started to creep up, slowly and unnoticeably, until one day I got on a scale and weighed 178 lb!  Oh my god, that’s almost 200 lb!  I started exercising more consistently but stayed at 175-178 lb.  I got discouraged and adopted the attitude of “I’m already fat, one more piece of cake isn’t going to make a damn bit of difference” and ended up nine weeks ago in a Jenny Craig Centre on a complete impulse/whim/desperate grab for help.  My first weigh-in was 184.6 lbs.

I started JC the week before Thanksgiving because reality was setting in and the reality was that I could VERY EASILY and MORE LIKELY THAN NOT WOULD put on a good 10 lb over the holidays with my out of control eating.  I wanted to make a preemptive strike.  The holiday weight could have easily put me over 200 lb, and at 5′1″ that is more than this frame of mine could handle.  I was already dealing with aching knees, back pain, sore joints, sorevfeet, problems walking first thing in the morning, problems walking any time of day for any significant distance, shortness of breath with one flight of stairs, complete loss of sex drive because god forbid my husband see my body (because with my clothes on he doesn’t know I’m fat, right?).

I have decided to adopt a completely new outlook on how I deal with food and exercise.  I’m using JC foods, but am trying to use them as a tool vs. a crutch.  I love the convenience of the prepackaged meals, but know that in reality I cannot eat them forever.  I try to sit down with every meal and learn from it — this is what a healthy portion looks like (even though it’s usually about 1/8 of what I would normally have put on my own plate).  When I eat at a restaurant or have a “meal on my own,” I try to apply that new insight, and it’s working for me so far.  It’s been nine weeks and I’ve lost 14 lbs. 

14 lbs is the tip of the iceburg for me.  My goal is 35 lbs to get down to 150.  I should really call that my first goal.  I know that in reality 150 lb is still too heavy for me.  It was my pregnancy weight for god’s sake.  But the JC counselors really stress the importance of being realistic and setting achievable goals, and I think that 150 is something I CAN do.  What I ultimately WANT to do is return to 128 lb.  But I’ll deal with that AFTER I hit the 150 mark.

I am making a huge effort to move my ass in a healthy way every day, either taking a walk, using the bosu ball, doing a DVD or playing DDR with the princess.  So far it still feels like an EFFORT instead of a natural part of the day.  My goal is for it to be a seamless part of my life… not there yet but working on it.

So, that’s where I came from and that’s where I’m going.  There’s something very cathartic about getting it out.