My life.

Well hello everyone. Nothing to much new going on here. Doctor has me on 20 mg of steroids, joy. And I have put on 10lbs in the past 2 months, but its the only thing that works to keep the hives away. So I’m still waiting on results to some genitic test he did, something bout a cold gene? No clue wtf he meant. Sure he will get into it more if I have it.  I have been watching what I put in my mouth, raw veggies and fruit and yet I still put weight on. I’m so confused!

Don’t really have a whole lot to update today. Again just taking it one day at a time and waiting to see what happens.

Filed under: Uncategorized on March 26th, 2012 | No Comments »

Well….things have started going down hill once again. Yay! *grumbles* Had another biopsy done and the doctor said it is indeed UV. But the Derm told me its prob the early stages. So my Rheumatoloist put me on steroids and plaquenil, steroids works ok but the plaquenil messes with my eyes when I take it. I have no engery at all anymore, I flight to stay awake! Work is becoming my main stress in my life and by the end of the day I can’t even think right. I have no clue wtf to do anymore. I am always running to go see a new doctor or running around work trying to keep my doctors here happy! I have to many doctors in my life to keep happy!

Every feel like your fighting a losing battle? I have never felt this helpless before in my life. I have always been super health untill now and I find myself asking God, why? Why me, why now? I hate hitting rock bottom, there is no one here to catch me. I have hit and hit hard. Well Guess that’s it for now, should get back to work. AH.

Filed under: Everyday life, Health on March 5th, 2012 | No Comments »

So for some unknown reason I have been pretty down for the past week or so. Not a clue why…maybe the weather?! Yay welcome to gloomy Cleveland! I have been doing what I know to shake this feeling either video games or just really anything to keep my mind busy. I’m finding it hard to keep focused on things, I tend to let my mind wonder (not good.)

Have another song for you all to look up. “O’lord” by Smile Empty Soul. Amazing song, yet another one to decribe how I am feeling. Its hard to keep faith when falling down, hard to see his face while crawling. *Sigh* Stupid feelings. Feels like I could just break down into tears at any moment. Like Dane Cook said the world is tapping me on the shoulder “Hey, you’re gonna cry later.” AH.

But some good news…Doctor called me and said it is Vasculitis and my blood work confirms it, x-ray is fine. Things with Ryan are doing well, we have hung out several times and have a lot of fun together, just being the dorks we are. We play MW3 on x-box a lot an goof off.

So…anyway, its bout time to get the heck out of here and head home! WOOT! Gonna have some drinks tonight and play MW3 and just try to kick back and forget about shit.

Leave me some love!!

Filed under: Everyday life, Family, Friends, Health, love on February 10th, 2012 | 19 Comments »

So my last Really? blog have over 100 comments, thank you! So time for a little update. Still have not heard anything from the doctor about my blood work or x-ray! Its been a week, you think he would call to let me know wtf is going on! Think I may have to call and ask, joy. Trying to get a hold of a doctor is more difficult then chewing air! Lately I have fallen off my diet train, oops. Trying to get back into the swing of things, going to start working out on Monday. I have a picture in my head of what I should look and I must say…I’m one sexy fox.

Anyway, been talking to this new guy (Ryan) and he is pretty sweet so far. Kinda out there but hey, so am I. Nothing wrong with being a bit weird..right? He does not care that I am a bigger girl, he wants to help me lose the weight He is going into the military so I know he has some good workouts and what not. Been kinda down the past couple days as well. Why can’t I stick with a diet and lose the weight? What keeps me falling into my old ways? Its depressing to think bout really. I know there is this sexy women inside just waiting to come out.

Thinking back of my life thus far, its crazy! Friends stabbing you in the back, b/fs making fun of you, people turning their back on you when you need them the most. Every mountain I have climbed has been rough but in the end its made me who I am. I am me and will NEVER change for someone. Been listening to “Here I am.” By Nicki Minja over and over and must say…deff my new theme song.

So, I’m sitting here at work with nothing to do. Got all my work caught up, with Ryan on my mind….still. Going out with him tonight, nervous and excited at the same time. Is it bad I day dream bout how his kiss would feel? What it would feel like to be in his arms, feeling safe and protected. I have not felt that in years, I want it so bad. A real relationship, someone I can trust to keep my secrets and love me for me, not try to change me, wants to spend his free time with me. I have always went after guys that were so far out of my reach, this time I need to see what’s in front of me and embrace it! I’m nervous cause what if he does not feel that same, what if he turns out to be like all the othes? Till next time my friends, keep looking to the sky and reach for the moon because even if you fall short you will still land among the stars.

Guess I should take the leap of faith and see where I land.

aspergers-love.jpg

Filed under: Everyday life, Friends, Weightloss, love on February 3rd, 2012 | No Comments »

I was just given the diagnosis of urticarial vasculitis. Which explains a lot that is going on with me.

Back in March of 2010 I started breaking out in hives, not a clue why. I thought maybe bed bugs but after some research I found out it was in deed hives. So I went to one of the doctors I work with and confirmed with him. Started taking antihistamines, I got relief for bout a week or so and they were not working. So I once again talked to the doctor I work with and he stated I should try taking two. Once again I was ok but only for a short period of time. So one morning I woke up completely covered head to toe with hives I called off work and went to the ER. No answers there just a handful of drugs to take, yep, once again worked for a short period of time. So I went to find a PCP, he did some blood work and gave me steroids which work wonders. After I was out I was pretty much begging him for more, the itching was driving me up a wall and I couldn’t sleep or work at all. He ordered allergy blood work, everything came back fine. He was as confused as I am, so sent me to see a derm and immunologist. Derm tried one med and pretty write me off, told me to go see the immunologist. So then off to another doc I went. She gave me some good answers and meds that work pretty good. But I stated to get used to the meds and got break throughs on the meds. I noticed the hives hurt and burned, and was getting joint pain. She wanted a biopsy so I went back the derm to get it done. Got my results today and finally got an answer but even more questions come up.

What is causing UV? Why me? I have been doing research since I got home and nothing is really answering my questions. Most of the sites are saying UV is an underlining cause of something else…perfect. So I need to get more tests done to find out what is causing this. The hives are pretty much at bay most days but I am stilling getting joint pain and super tired all the time. Have to call my immunologist tomorrow an let her know whats going on and see what she wants me to do. Get another doc maybe? More tests? God only knows. I’m so frustrated with all of this. Its been about a year and now I have even more questions and only one answer.

Filed under: Health on January 24th, 2012 | Comments Off

Well over the weekend I have slowly been getting myself ready for this new chapter in my life. Ate pretty healthy and did my best to get off my ass and move. My P.I.N.K method should be at my door step when I get home, can’t wait! Tonight after work I’m going out with my coworkers for an early dinner, which is nice and all but I’m not sure if I can control myself. Its WAY to early, but I already promised I would go. I think I can do this!

so nothing really happened over the weekend. Just stayed at home played MW3 and watched all the snow fall (which was soo beautiful) but a pain to clean up after. Spent 45 mins to clean off my drive way I felt like crap after but once I was rested up a bit I felt amazing and was up working around the house. I am going to try to do this workout twice a day, once before work then again before dinner. I so want to lose this weight and keep it off. I want to prove to my mother that it can be done and she does not have to have WLS. I’m scared for her to have it, something could happen and she could code on the table. I would never be able to live without my parents. I am still young and need them both! So its about leaving time, time to go out with the girls from the office and try to be good. Here does nothing

Tink <3

Filed under: Everyday life on January 16th, 2012 | No Comments »

Well hello, welcome to my struggle to get my weight under control. Never had a blog before so…bare with me. Anyway a little bout me. I m 24 years old, single, no kids, have a career and bought a house 6 months ago. I have been over weight for as long as I can remember. I am sick of it and need a change. I’m sick of men not even looking at me because I am bigger. I know I am a kick ass person but I’m stuck in this fat body. I do have PCOS which does make it a bit harder to lose the weight, I also have this condition which no doctor can really give me any answers. I brake out in hives for no reason what so ever, my whole body breakes out.

I know the main reason I am still alone is because I’m bigger. I have dated in the past but most turn out to be some creep or loser. I would love to lose all this weight and have my crush ask me out, he shall remain nameless due to work reasons, I do work with him…shhh! But I know I never have a chance with him if I am huge like this. But men are not my only reason to want this life change. My health is another huge issue. Other then the PCOS an hives I am pretty healthy and I want to keep it that way. I have heard if you lose weight the PCOS pretty much goes bye-bye. An for the hives…well we don’t even know whats the cause of them so we will see.

My life has been pretty easy thus far. My parents are amazing, my two older brothers are kick ass. I love my family! I don’t have many friends because I have trust problems. But I do have two friends that are pretty close to me. I moved closer to work (which is 1.5 hrs away from family an friends.) So its hard to be out here alone, most of the time. I just can’t seem to find friends out here. But anyway, yes I am spoiled and don’t care who knows. My parents have done so much for me and still do. I know how lucky I am to have amazing parents. My parents have helped in a huge way to make me the woman I am today. I mean come on, how many 24 year olds own a house? Not many!

So this is it for now, time to get back to work =D

Filed under: Weightloss on January 10th, 2012 | No Comments »