Becoming Tawnya

Here I am . It’s 21° this morning. I like when the morning start nice. I heard the birds chirping out my bedroom window. I like laying there listening to them. Then I pray, “Lord keep me from stressing about anything today!” Haha…

Yesterday morning I was able to talk to Sweetie about things that were bothering me, not necessarily about him–more about work/money/boundaries. I even cried twice, just a little. I have more inside to get out; I can feel it.

I have been pushing things down that bother me when they happen. I try to tell myself that it’s not a big deal and there’s no reason to get upset about it. Well it turns out that boss2 has been severely disrespectful towards me. After working with her for the period that I have, I’ve learned what behaviors are due to her disability and which behaviors are by choice.

Most recently, I’ve waited two hours for her at most to begin a shift. The work she had me doing, of course, was work that she needed to be there for. Since money is tough, I just push my feelings down and keep going. She’s also not paying me according to contract–like Sweetie’s boss. I enjoy budgeting money–setting and meeting goals. I am truly “freaking” out about it. I’ve now cracked. Sweetie tells me what to do, of course. But I think the best thing for me to do is find another job to replace job1 so I am not totally dependent on job2. I’d like that job2 be my “part time fun” job. Depending on people who can’t deliver is insanity and I try to steer away from that.

The day that I waited two hours, I came home and did things, but I did go into work when she called. (I need the money.) This incident was not a result of the onset of Alzheimers.

So, I wanted to spend some with Sweetie so I could get stuff out yesterday and then just relax. We went on a country drive. From the time we left the house until the time we got home, I didn’t have palpitations. They HAVE to be due to stress. I’m trying to find out what is going to help. The drive was sure nice to get my mind away from it all, but I don’t know if I can do that every day.

Now I’m eating more, consciously, to try and keep the palpitations at bay. LOL Insanity! At least I’m getting the nutrients that my body needs. Haha…

I took a few photos during our drive. We drove by the St. Croix River and saw the melted ice on the rocks. That was just so cool. After I got home and looked at the photos, I realized there were people under the ice and I captured them. I don’t know if anyone is able to see them in the photo I put up, but they’re there.

Filed under: Healthy Living