I don’t think I have any issues with mood and food. My weakness is bingeing - eating the whole tub of ice cream in a night. I find it really hard to want to lose weight. My husband said to me on the weekend that I’ve let myself go. I have. My marriage has been bumpy since the baby was born, and these last few months I could have happily kicked him out - we got to the stage where I thought there was no hope, and I never thought it would get there. I honestly couldn’t see a way forward. When we spoke it was bitter and nasty and I didn’t even like looking at him. But there’s a lot to be said for a quick tumble in bed and it did wonders, so we’re getting along much better.

I think the reason I have let myself go is; why not? I think I’m at the stage where I’m too old to be bothered. I’m too old to dress in skimpy clothes and catch a man’s eye - and I don’t miss it. I’m too lazy. But, I do miss dressing in nice clothes. I hate trying to find coats or tops to hide my stomach. So, I guess it’s time to get back on track. Wish me luck.

While there is still no real outward change that everyone can see, I can see that my stomach is smaller - though at some times of the day it doesn’t seem to be. I still have a double chin, so I can’t wait til that goes. And my diet is pretty good, lots of fruit and a fair bit of veg. I haven’t stuck to my plan to get moving. Not long now to get to 60kg.

Finished off dinner tonight with a couple of baby meringues. I couldn’t believe they were only 1 point. Yum.

January

Monday. Almost gave in. It is a week since I started my diet. I weighed myself this morning. I weigh less than when I started. My scales are often out and I have to tap them before I weigh myself. Yesterday the scales hovered just past 65. This morning they were on 66. It’s amazing how that tiny amount can make you want to give up. I felt deflated and wanted to eat chocolate. My Internet connection stopped working, so no blog to keep me on track. Luckily I was able to save myself from doing anything to sabotage my diet when I got hooked into clothes shopping by my daughter. This turned out to be a good thing, as the clothes I picked up and tried on were a size smaller than the size I tried on last shopping excursion. And they fit!! That made me feel really good and encouraged me to keep going.

My diet is pretty enjoyable. I had a version of our bacon pasta bake last night. I had ham with a low fat slice of cheese broken over the top. The sauce was more watery than I usually made it, but by leaving the dish to stand a while, it became thicker. To me it tasted just the same as the bacon pasta I usually made. I followed the meal by having a Weight Watchers ice cream tub. It really hit the spot.

Tuesday.

I am drinking skim milk cappuccinos now, and boy are they terrible. Now I know why I thought cappuccinos had gotten better – they hadn’t gotten better, they just taste better with full fat milk. I am thinking of giving them a miss, it’s really not worth it. I could have a small strawberry shake for around the same points and at least it tastes better.

Saturday

It’s been 13 days since I started. This week has been a struggle, but I’ve managed to keep on track. I am now 65kg and hovering slightly under. Yesterday morning my stomach looked noticeably smaller, even my waist looked trimmer. I can’t wait to hit 64kg. I haven’t been that weight since I was pregnant. Tonight is take-away night. I am already trying to decide what I’ll have instead of take away.

My diet has not been boring, and apart from the first few days, I have not had much salad by itself. I find I need some sort of carb, either bread or pasta at dinnertime to fill me up. My treat every night after dinner is a Weight Watchers sundae. Sometimes it is two, depending on how many points I have and how much will power I can exert. I haven’t exercised much at all, except for the odd short walk. I keep some sort of fruit in the house, either grapes, a mango or a banana. These are a good side addition to lunch or for a snack mid-afternoon.

My daughter said I shouldn’t be eating ice cream because I’m on a diet. I shouldn’t really use the word diet. I should say, healthy eating plan, or weight loss plan. Because it’s really training myself how to properly eat again, instead of eating large amounts of whatever I want, whenever I want. The thing is, I can eat these treats like ice cream and lose weight. I can have a handful of potato chips or a McDonalds shake and still lose weight. The thing is making choices. I could cut out bread, pasta, sugar and really deprive myself, but I know a diet involving this wouldn’t work for me. My sister went on a no-carb diet and lost weight. That diet was a perfect for her. I would have failed on it, and starved.

 Febuary 15.

It has been about three or four weeks since I have posted on here. Once I reached my two week goal, my new goal was to get down to pre pregnancy weight of 60kg by first week in March. I am now 63kg, have given in now and then but managed to get back on track. Today was one of those days where I was ready to head off to the coffee shop and have a cheesecake with a cappucino. Then I tried on one of my old tops and I looked slimmer and I thought, “I don’t really need that cheesecake. I only have 2 and a half weeks left to get down to 60kg. I want to make it.” So I went to the fruit and veg shop instead and bought fruit. I’m going to have a healthy lunch and I feel so much better that I haven’t taken a step backwards today. Last night I made the mistake of buying 2x 4packs of caramel rice pudding because they were on special. I have avoided them up til now, because they send my cravings sky high and afterward I just want to eat another, then more junk, then more sugary stuff. And so it was. I ate three. 9 points over my daily points. I was relieved when I got on the scales this morning and found I was still 63kg. There is nothing worse than seeing you have gained weight back. This will be a lesson to me, buy individual or not at all. It’s not worth it.

I’m feeling energetic today, and I really want to go for a walk to help boost my weight loss. I’ve planned what I’m having for lunch. I have yummy fruit as a snack if I feel like it. Back on track for today. I have lost around 5kg so far.

For a while today I was on the cusp of giving in and falling into old habits. Then I remembered this blog and my previous failed attempts at weight loss and caught myself in time. Thank goodness for coloured popcorn, is all I can say. It’s so important to have snacks in the house that I can actually eat.

Tonight is take-away night. We usually get KFC or some sort of take-away. My treat was two ham and pineapple pizza subs and a small tub of WW ice cream. This all fit nicely into my points and I didn’t feel left out. But the WW ice cream was so sweet I could feel myself spiralling into uncontrollable binge territory. Luckily it passed.

For lunch today, I was actually beginning to feel full after eating a cup of rockmelon and half a small bunch of grapes(sharing both with my baby), before my salad sandwich. I had two poached eggs on grain toast for breakfast, and that did the trick, keeping me full till way after the usual time I would have eaten lunch. Yesterday I ended up eating less than my intended points balance of 24. I have gone back to using the points, as it took such a long time to enter my calories into my calorie counter - and I wasn’t sure they were precise. I love weight watchers. I don’t have to give up a thing, and it’s so much easier to say no to something when you know you can have it if you can fit it into your points. That said, I’m staying away from sweets and WW diet desserts. The sugar hit usually makes me end up bingeing. I’m happy with a diet yoghurt or a cupful of coloured popcorn, so far. Let’s hope I can say no to McDonalds softserve cones tomorrow.