I’ve always had fat friends. Perhaps I felt comfortable with them; they’re not a threat. They won’t steal your boyfriend.
I’ve been lucky to have good genes and a fast metabolism. I was always the skinny friend. I could eat lots of junk. I gained weight of course, just not heaps. Until now. It started before I fell pregnant. My work hours got cut back and I was writing a lot, which meant I wasn’t moving around as much. At the same time I was at a crossroads in life. I couldn’t see a future at my job. I was in two minds whether I wanted another child. I fell into bad habits, eating apple turnovers every day and soon gained 6kgs. Try as I might, I couldn’t shift that weight. Then I fell pregnant. As good as my intentions were to eat healthy, I gained a lot of weight – 21kgs. I did lose some of that weight the week after the birth, but am still 18kgs more than I should be.
For most of the past 10 months I have been apathetic. I didn’t care that I’d gained weight and didn’t care to lose it. I was a mama again and that was what mattered. Plus, it’s hard to lose weight when you have a family member that works in fast food. It’s pretty hard to drive to McDonalds twice a day and then turn down a caramel sundae. So my eating habits, which were once really good, had now become bad.
There was still no real motivation for me to lose weight though. You need motivation. Then I went clothes shopping. I’d been wearing whatever fitted, what was comfortable, for months. Then suddenly I was staring at this fat woman in the mirror of the fitting room and realised it was me. I was now an ugly fat cow. The dresses that once would have looked good on me now looked terrible. I was now reaching for tops that I would never have worn. And they didn’t slim me down, they made me look frumpy and fat. I realised that by not losing weight, I was giving up on me. Me. I didn’t need to look like this.
And so, that’s why I’m here. Day 1. Turning down bacon and egg Mcmuffins and hanging out the washing. This is the beginning. I’ve done it before…lost weight. But it’s so darn hard when you’re not working, sitting around, and have family that beg for junk food. I’ve decided to set a really small goal, because I know a big one won’t work right now. Baby steps. Two weeks. Eat better for two weeks, watch what I eat. Get moving. At the end of two weeks I’ll assess how it went.
If I can’t become the skinny friend again, at least I can become the least fat friend.
Posted on January 8th, 2012 by theskinnyonenowfat
Filed under: Uncategorized