The New Me….

I have NOT been doing well with this “diet” in the last 3 months.  I looked in my weight book and saw that on 8/7/09 I hit the 220’s (229.5lbs) for the first time.  I weighed in at 228.5 last Friday.  That’s 1lb in 3 months and a week.  I spent 3 months and 1 week playing around in the 220’s…. that’s crazy.  I am ready for the 2 teens already!!!

I have been “secretly” eating.  Heather and I haven’t grocery shopped together in a while and I have bought things like donuts, cookies, chips, ice cream, ect. and eaten them before she gets home, buying things on my way to work or eating vast amounts of fast food.  I haven’t been exercising more than a day or so a week.  I feel like a big fat loser and I’m sick of it.  More than feeling like a loser, I am so embarrased to be telling people that I eat that much.  I never considered myself a binge eater until now.  Maybe I didn’t want the label but that’s what I’ve always been.  Ever since I could drive, I’ve been the girl who goes through a fast food drive through and orders enough for 2, only to eat all the food in my car, alone.  I don’t know how to break this “addiction”, if that’s what it is but I am ready to start.

Heather and I decided to make a couple challenges for ourselves.  We are both HUGE Twilight fans and want to go see New Moon but decided to make that a reward for losing 10lbs.  That will make me think twice before eating off plan or skipping the gym.  We also want to see The Blind Side.  For that one we decided to make a goal of going to the gym 20 times before we can see it.   I think this might work, better than a food reward, which is what we used to do.  Idiots…