The Girl Who Ate Angie

Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

Ever feel like deleting and starting over? May 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 12:52 pm

I have been full of half hearted attempts over the last year to lose weight but nothing came from it.  I plan and plan and slip right off.  Since last July I have gained between 25-30 pounds.  I have spent the last 10 months of my life devoted to nursing school and not to myself.  I have about 4 months off before the fall semester starts and I want to really get some weight off, 40 pounds to be exact by August 31st.

I started on May 3rd and I am somewhat organized.  I plan on going on the forums more because it gives me encouragement, even though I am more of a lurker.  I am deleting all the extra junk on here and just leaving the blog so I will have an outlet to vent.

Starting weight 254.4

Today’s weight 250.2

Goal weight 130

 

Sigh November 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 12:51 am

I’m tired, I think I am getting sick.  I will write tomorrow.

 

Busy day….. November 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 2:10 am

I spent the better part of the morning trying to motivate my husband out the door to the grocery.  I ended up shopping at a thrift store, eating at Chili’s and dumping him and the kids off at home, so I could actually get to the grocery.

I wanted to get more healthy food than I did, but my goal was to get Thanksgiving necessities and staples.  So I did buy some Activia yogurt because a girl I work for said it did wonders for her diet.  I ate a fiber one bar last night and I don’t think the gas I usually have with it was as bad this time.

No exercise, well unless you count 3 hours in the Walmart shopping.  My feet hurt and I didn’t eve burn off my Chili’s I am sure.  Although I only ate half of the meal I ordered.  I have had 5 Cokes today and I feel terrible about it.  The weekendsare the hardest, it is like a free for all.

So today I am back and blogging, that is always a positive.  I am slowly getting organized in this effort and I think I am going to walk in the morning if the rain holds off till later. If not, I will do something else for exercise.

I am going to check the boards out and some blogs for inspiration.

 

A year……. November 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 10:48 pm

It has been almost a year since I started this blog……I am 8 pounds heavier, 10 times more stressed, I have half the time I started with, and I have no idea where to start!!!!!!

I am FAT……I am UNHEALTHY, I am MISERABLE, I am UNHAPPY!!!!

As a child I was fat, I had no friends: not because I was fat…..But because I was insecure.  No one liked me unless they really got to know me.  I was the first to make a fat joke.  I was the one to say what everyone thought.  I made people laugh….. but I also made them uncomfortable.  I still do that today.  I am now in nursing school with 46 other people and the only friend I have is the one I have been friends with since the 4th grade.

I noticed today that people avoid me :( .  Well it is not like I did not know it. But I didn’t want to think about it.  My husband told me once it was because I was pushy, my best friend told me it was because I was cold.  I guess I am both of those things, but you know I am also the best friend a person can have.  I really care about the people I get close to and I will sacrifice myself for their happiness.

The only thing is no one gets me. I am not happy with me and it has nothing to do with my weight.  My weight is a product of my unhappiness.  I am a social cluts and I am stumbling through life knocking people down.  Food is my friend……How Pathetic!!

Today I decided to do myself a favor and focus on me.  I am tired of trying to make friends and falling all over myself to get people to like me.  One year later I am nowhere.  I am still unhappy, I am still out of control, I am still in bad health.  I am going to start with a clean slate and devise a NEW strategy.

I am going to watch what I eat, find anyway to move, and take one day at a time.  I am not setting any goals except %.  I am not putting a time limit to my goals because if I don’t meet them I just quit all together.

Concider this my before picture.

 

F-A-L-U-R-E September 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 1:54 pm

My whole life I have been scared to death of that one word.  There is not really anything I am afraid of except that.  I have let it rule my life and my dreams for as long as I can remember.  I give up or never start things because I am afraid “what if”?

What if what?  What if I fail?  What if I disappoint people?

Well aren’t they just as disappointed if they know I can do something but refuse to try?

What if I don’t try, that is just as bad as failing isn’t it?

Is there really a such thing as failure if you never stop trying?

One more time, and this time I will say it is just for me!

This time I will have confidence in my abilities!

This time I will not quit until I reach my goal!

 

Yo-Yo, no more!!!! August 9, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 9:51 pm

Okay, so I took a break and it turned out to be a failure.  I gained 7 pounds, I stopped going to the gym….that I am still paying for.  I passed my summer classes with A’s though, so there is something to be said for stress I guess.  I got into the nursing program after all so I know if I do not get started on it now, I will never do it.  My whole schedule is changing, no my whole life.  I am till working M,W,F but now I have to change my hours from 8-4 to 9-2:30 because the other two triplets are starting pre-K this fall.  Then I have nursing school M& W nights until 11pm.  So I will not be home to cook dinner those nights, or eat it; plus I will only see my boys when I take them to and from school on those days, but I will not see my daughter at all.

I have let food take over my life.  It dictates who I am and how happy I am.  I feel as though I will die if I can not have something I am craving.  I always thought I was a planner, an organizer, but truly I am spontaneous.  I would throw everything I have worked for away on a whim.  If I want that Chinese buffet I will make any excuse, I will convince myself it is just one time and it cant hurt.  Even though I am probably taking in 3 days worth of calories in one sitting, I don’t care.  What is wrong with me?  Why do I hate myself so much?  Why do I try and destroy all my dreams for my future over and over again?

The title of my blog is “The Girl Who Ate Angie”, to me it is how I feel, but it is not very accurate.  It leads people to believe I was once skinny…..and I assure you I was not, unless you count the toddler years.  I do believe that people have things in their lives that happen and contribute to weight gain.  In my case I have several demons that haunted me throughout childhood and I truly believe they made me hate myself and food was my only comfort, the only friend that never abandoned me.  It was the one thing I could not push out of my life because I had to have it, and it loved me as much as I loved it……I have the fat rolls to prove it was just as attached to me as I was to it.

I often think about what keeps me like this, and I know it is fear.  Fear that if I loose weight, I might not be happier, I might not have anything more than I have now.  I have a lot if you count family, and I have made a real success of my school and work.  But I have only one friend, and she is more like a sister than a friend.  I long for a group of girl friends to have fun with.  I have always had a hard time really getting to know people, I am different.  I am the fat girl that jokes about her flaws….that makes people uncomfortable.  I am the blunt girl that says what she is thinking…..and people take it the wrong way.  I am the assertive leader, that doesn’t have the confidence to lead.  I am the shy girl that is always lonely.

Being fat has its benefits….I am rarely cold in the winter because I am insulated.  The summer is a different story though.   I could live longer than most people if the world ended and there was no food, lol.  No seriously; I am starting over…..for the last time!!!  I feel like a girl in this huge shell that can not get free.  I am smothering the happiness out of my life and I am not this person.  I am someone who loves to be active, but finds it difficult because I am fat.  I am starting again for me and I am going to say what I think I need to hear.  I have motivation, but I need support.  I hope I can make this work this time. (sigh)

 

Sorry I have been MIA!!!! August 7, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 10:26 pm

I guess I needed a break from my blog.  It seemed boring and I was just complaining alot.  I fell off my wagon, have not been to the gym, but I got A’s in both of my classes and I did get into the RN program this fall.  So I have been moody, busy, and just plain too lazy to diet or blog.  I am up to 235 now and I am just about ready to start back, now that classes are over.  I really have to organize a schedule or something.

Anyway sorry I have been out.

 

Weigh in week #6 June 21, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 11:35 pm

Yesterday marked the end of week 6 on WW.  I was down -3.8 for a total weight of 228.3.  I finally broke out of the 230’s and I am headed down the right road.  I did not eat so well this weekend, but I have had worse weekends, so I won’t complain.  In the 6 weeks I have been on WW I have really only followed the plan 2 weeks.  I have to say it works if you count your points and write it down.

On another note, Father’s Day was wonderful.  We went to church for the second week in a row….there are miracles after all,lol.  The kids love it and Jason is conforming, even if he does not want to.  I feel like I belong at this church and I hope we join soon, but I am giving Jason a little more time to warm up to the idea.

Exercise…..went after WW Saturday morning.  Why do people say the sweat like a pig, I have never known a pig to sweat.  Even if they do…….a pig could not possibly sweat the way I did at the gym!!!  Seriously, I was pouring and I only did 10 min on the elliptical and 15 on the recumbent bike.  That little workout whooped my butt though.  I felt like I was going to die when I left that place.  My legs were like spagetti and I can say I do not think I have ever sweat like that before.  Although, being fat….I most likely avoid things that might cause sweating, but that is not the point.  I am going Tuesday morning, Thursday evening, and Saturday and Sunday if possible.

I have got the exercise thing down, now if I could stop eating out.  I tell you, this is a world of convenience and I like convenience.  What is a girl to do?  Next goal to work on is PLANNING!!!!

 

Y-M-C-A!!! June 18, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 10:58 pm

Yay me, I did join today and it is great.  They keep the kids for up to 2 hours, do fun stuff with them and they even have a 3 story indoor playground for them to play on.  We went through the tour and the kids cried when we left before they could play.  We stopped their to join on our way to the mall, but I let them play on the playground in the mall so they were okay.

I also did something else today that I am proud of……I did the whole 30DS on level 1, but still I had tried it before and could not do it.  I am ashamed to say that at the mall we ate Red Robin for dinner and my burger and fries were 30 points…..plus what I had for breakfast and lunch, I was over 11 points today.  I think I am going to meet my goal for my WI this week though, I was 228 this morning and I want to get to 227 by Saturday morning.  I am going to get up and do 30DS in the morning and hopefully go to the gym tomorrow night.

I have been so tired lately and so busy with school that I have not been able to keep up with my blog reading and the forum.  I seem to have become a lurker I guess.  Oh well I still get inspired even if I am not chiming in much.  I have to go read Hamlet now so see you later.

 

Peanutbutter Pie, Oh my… June 14, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 10:23 pm

My mother made a peanut butter pie today…..I do not like peanut butter very much, so tell me why I have eaten 2 pieces already?  I did not track my points again today, and that is what is keeping me off plan.  My goal is to hit 229 this week, so I am going to bust my tail to get it done.  I really have some high goals and I love my WW meetings.  I have though about rewards for each mini goal I hit and i think I am going to list them on my progress chart.  I would like to get a pedicure, buy a bathing suit, and stuff like that.

We went to church this morning….something we do not ever do.  But now that I have kids, I feel like they need some sort of religious structure.  I grew up with a single mother who was Catholic but never went to church.  This gave me serious issues and doubts over the years.  I do not want my kids to struggle with their spirituality like I did.  Jason is so not happy with the idea but he is on board and for now i am satisfied with that.

Because we went to church and took the kids to see my boss afterwards, then to eat lunch (yes I ate out), I did not have time to go by the YMCA.  However I am going to do that on Tuesday if I can, I think I have to have Jason to do it because we get a discount on the joining fee because of where he works.  That means we would have to take the kids with us to sign up.

I have Comp II tomorrow night after work and we have to do an in-class essay.  We have 50 minutes to write about a topic that we don’t even know yet.  She will pick a topic on 2 short stories we were assigned for homework, this does not look good for me.  I have terrible test anxiety and it all revolves around being timed and the fear of not having enough.  I hope the meds my doctor put me on help, if not I might have to have her increase the dose.

Added to yesterday’s goals!!!

 

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