The Girl Who Ate Angie

Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

Mother’s Day makes things fuzzy May 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 5:16 pm

For some reason I thought nah I won’t write last night and that was fine.  This morning I totally forgot to weigh so I have nothing to report.  Yesterday I took my mom out to breakfast and today we took my mother-in-law out for lunch.  I ate what I would normally eat but I drank water.  This is like day 7 with no Cokes and I am surprised at how well I have done. I have not even cheated.  Tomorrow I give up sweets and I thought that it would not be hard but I know I want what I can not have more.

I have not even been on my elliptical yet.  It will hopefully get a permanent place to live tonight.  So I am not sure if it is because of Mother’s Day or the weekend but I am not as focused it seems.  I guess I will find out next weekend when there is no holiday to blame.

Starting wt 254.5

Current wt ??????

Goal wt 130

 

The will to win May 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 11:32 pm

This is it, I have found my inspiration.  I have this time line to work with and I a making the most of it.  I got my elliptical home today and I am going to do it everyday and strength training everyday.  Yeah I know, I shouldn’t over do it.  I’m not! I figure I will do it everyday but I will start out with 1 set of 20 strength and 20 min on elliptical a day, then move up on time and sets.

Now today was okay I guess.  I have more energy and am happier since school has let out for the summer.  I talk to much though.  Started drinking my coffee black yesterday and that was the first time I have ever been able to tolerate it black.  It works and now I don’t have to worry about calories in creamer.

My goal for tomorrow is to start painting my house….

I have been trying to do this for months and I have 4 kids to wrangle so I don’t know how I am going to do it but I am.

I am reading “Best Friends” by Martha Moody right now.  It seems to be a good book, it skips in time a lot so you are always on your toes.

Starting wt. 254.6

Current wt. 249.8

Goal wt 130

 

Motivation Station…. May 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 11:54 pm

I am on a roll, I actually bought an elliptical tonight.  I wont get it home till tomorrow but I am so excited.  I am day 4 without drinking Cokes.  Only water and black coffee for me now and I thought it would be harder. I am actually in the zone this time.  I think because I have a deadline and goal to meet by the end of summer.  I ate out today but I had a huge salad first and I didn’t really eat much of anything else.  So today was good and I anticipate tomorrow will be even better.

 

Ever feel like deleting and starting over?

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 12:52 pm

I have been full of half hearted attempts over the last year to lose weight but nothing came from it.  I plan and plan and slip right off.  Since last July I have gained between 25-30 pounds.  I have spent the last 10 months of my life devoted to nursing school and not to myself.  I have about 4 months off before the fall semester starts and I want to really get some weight off, 40 pounds to be exact by August 31st.

I started on May 3rd and I am somewhat organized.  I plan on going on the forums more because it gives me encouragement, even though I am more of a lurker.  I am deleting all the extra junk on here and just leaving the blog so I will have an outlet to vent.

Starting weight 254.4

Today’s weight 250.2

Goal weight 130

 

Sigh November 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 12:51 am

I’m tired, I think I am getting sick.  I will write tomorrow.

 

Busy day….. November 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 2:10 am

I spent the better part of the morning trying to motivate my husband out the door to the grocery.  I ended up shopping at a thrift store, eating at Chili’s and dumping him and the kids off at home, so I could actually get to the grocery.

I wanted to get more healthy food than I did, but my goal was to get Thanksgiving necessities and staples.  So I did buy some Activia yogurt because a girl I work for said it did wonders for her diet.  I ate a fiber one bar last night and I don’t think the gas I usually have with it was as bad this time.

No exercise, well unless you count 3 hours in the Walmart shopping.  My feet hurt and I didn’t eve burn off my Chili’s I am sure.  Although I only ate half of the meal I ordered.  I have had 5 Cokes today and I feel terrible about it.  The weekendsare the hardest, it is like a free for all.

So today I am back and blogging, that is always a positive.  I am slowly getting organized in this effort and I think I am going to walk in the morning if the rain holds off till later. If not, I will do something else for exercise.

I am going to check the boards out and some blogs for inspiration.

 

A year……. November 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 10:48 pm

It has been almost a year since I started this blog……I am 8 pounds heavier, 10 times more stressed, I have half the time I started with, and I have no idea where to start!!!!!!

I am FAT……I am UNHEALTHY, I am MISERABLE, I am UNHAPPY!!!!

As a child I was fat, I had no friends: not because I was fat…..But because I was insecure.  No one liked me unless they really got to know me.  I was the first to make a fat joke.  I was the one to say what everyone thought.  I made people laugh….. but I also made them uncomfortable.  I still do that today.  I am now in nursing school with 46 other people and the only friend I have is the one I have been friends with since the 4th grade.

I noticed today that people avoid me :( .  Well it is not like I did not know it. But I didn’t want to think about it.  My husband told me once it was because I was pushy, my best friend told me it was because I was cold.  I guess I am both of those things, but you know I am also the best friend a person can have.  I really care about the people I get close to and I will sacrifice myself for their happiness.

The only thing is no one gets me. I am not happy with me and it has nothing to do with my weight.  My weight is a product of my unhappiness.  I am a social cluts and I am stumbling through life knocking people down.  Food is my friend……How Pathetic!!

Today I decided to do myself a favor and focus on me.  I am tired of trying to make friends and falling all over myself to get people to like me.  One year later I am nowhere.  I am still unhappy, I am still out of control, I am still in bad health.  I am going to start with a clean slate and devise a NEW strategy.

I am going to watch what I eat, find anyway to move, and take one day at a time.  I am not setting any goals except %.  I am not putting a time limit to my goals because if I don’t meet them I just quit all together.

Concider this my before picture.

 

F-A-L-U-R-E September 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 1:54 pm

My whole life I have been scared to death of that one word.  There is not really anything I am afraid of except that.  I have let it rule my life and my dreams for as long as I can remember.  I give up or never start things because I am afraid “what if”?

What if what?  What if I fail?  What if I disappoint people?

Well aren’t they just as disappointed if they know I can do something but refuse to try?

What if I don’t try, that is just as bad as failing isn’t it?

Is there really a such thing as failure if you never stop trying?

One more time, and this time I will say it is just for me!

This time I will have confidence in my abilities!

This time I will not quit until I reach my goal!

 

Yo-Yo, no more!!!! August 9, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 9:51 pm

Okay, so I took a break and it turned out to be a failure.  I gained 7 pounds, I stopped going to the gym….that I am still paying for.  I passed my summer classes with A’s though, so there is something to be said for stress I guess.  I got into the nursing program after all so I know if I do not get started on it now, I will never do it.  My whole schedule is changing, no my whole life.  I am till working M,W,F but now I have to change my hours from 8-4 to 9-2:30 because the other two triplets are starting pre-K this fall.  Then I have nursing school M& W nights until 11pm.  So I will not be home to cook dinner those nights, or eat it; plus I will only see my boys when I take them to and from school on those days, but I will not see my daughter at all.

I have let food take over my life.  It dictates who I am and how happy I am.  I feel as though I will die if I can not have something I am craving.  I always thought I was a planner, an organizer, but truly I am spontaneous.  I would throw everything I have worked for away on a whim.  If I want that Chinese buffet I will make any excuse, I will convince myself it is just one time and it cant hurt.  Even though I am probably taking in 3 days worth of calories in one sitting, I don’t care.  What is wrong with me?  Why do I hate myself so much?  Why do I try and destroy all my dreams for my future over and over again?

The title of my blog is “The Girl Who Ate Angie”, to me it is how I feel, but it is not very accurate.  It leads people to believe I was once skinny…..and I assure you I was not, unless you count the toddler years.  I do believe that people have things in their lives that happen and contribute to weight gain.  In my case I have several demons that haunted me throughout childhood and I truly believe they made me hate myself and food was my only comfort, the only friend that never abandoned me.  It was the one thing I could not push out of my life because I had to have it, and it loved me as much as I loved it……I have the fat rolls to prove it was just as attached to me as I was to it.

I often think about what keeps me like this, and I know it is fear.  Fear that if I loose weight, I might not be happier, I might not have anything more than I have now.  I have a lot if you count family, and I have made a real success of my school and work.  But I have only one friend, and she is more like a sister than a friend.  I long for a group of girl friends to have fun with.  I have always had a hard time really getting to know people, I am different.  I am the fat girl that jokes about her flaws….that makes people uncomfortable.  I am the blunt girl that says what she is thinking…..and people take it the wrong way.  I am the assertive leader, that doesn’t have the confidence to lead.  I am the shy girl that is always lonely.

Being fat has its benefits….I am rarely cold in the winter because I am insulated.  The summer is a different story though.   I could live longer than most people if the world ended and there was no food, lol.  No seriously; I am starting over…..for the last time!!!  I feel like a girl in this huge shell that can not get free.  I am smothering the happiness out of my life and I am not this person.  I am someone who loves to be active, but finds it difficult because I am fat.  I am starting again for me and I am going to say what I think I need to hear.  I have motivation, but I need support.  I hope I can make this work this time. (sigh)

 

Sorry I have been MIA!!!! August 7, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 10:26 pm

I guess I needed a break from my blog.  It seemed boring and I was just complaining alot.  I fell off my wagon, have not been to the gym, but I got A’s in both of my classes and I did get into the RN program this fall.  So I have been moody, busy, and just plain too lazy to diet or blog.  I am up to 235 now and I am just about ready to start back, now that classes are over.  I really have to organize a schedule or something.

Anyway sorry I have been out.

 

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