The Girl Who Ate Angie

Today I was off work and it was an average day I guess.  My weight was up a little but I don’t think I did anything too bad so it will go back down soon.  I posted an “I’m back” on the forum and I hope I participate more this time.  I worked on the house some more, but mostly daily stuff not extra spring cleaning stuff.

Today was a little hard for sweets, but I reminded myself as the cravings came on that I just had to push through it.  I have found that the biggest problem I am having is that I get hungry about 10pm and want to eat.  I haven’t indulged though; instead I chew a piece of sugar free gum and I forget all about it.

I want to try one new recipe a week and see how it goes over in y house.  The problem is my husband won’t eat rice or pasta and a lot of dishes call for them.  So I guess I will have to be creative or avoid those.  The thing is, I know the reason I back slide and go back to my old ways is because I don’t know what to do that is healthy.  I mean none of my recipes are healthy…..I am a southerner for goodness sakes.  If it isn’t fried, creamed, or sauteed in butter; it is not good.  So I want to start a new collection of recipes.

Also I am going to post a list of things I need to give up or change and mark them off as I eliminate them.  The friend I was doing it with is not going to last it seems and I am going to make my own list and if she gives up it won’t really affect me.

Starting wt 254.6

Current wt 249.4

Goal wt 130

Day 8 without soda’s or tea and day 1 without sweets.  By sweets I mean anything that could be misconstrued as a desert.  Of course this is not so clear to some people, I guess it is all about perception.  My best friend was doing this with me and she made it until yesterday.  She calls and leaves a message telling me she decided it was okay for us to use Sunday’s as a “cheat” day.  Every Sunday we eat whatever we want within reason.  Well it was her turn to chose something to give up this week.  She picks sweets!  Of course I pigged out on them yesterday so I would not want them so bad today.  Anyway she calls tonight and tells me that she is going to a baby shower and special occasions should be free also…..LOL seriously?

Fortunately I was not depending on her to do this for me.  This time I am stronger than I have been in a long time. I have lost 6 pounds in one week and nothing, not even her jumping off the wagon will stop me.  It is hard to be around people who are not in it 100%.

On a happier note my husband got me jewelry for Mother’s Day and I got a lot of my house cleaned.  I am off tomorrow so I am going to mop I think.  That is if I can pry the 2 year old off of my leg, lol.  Last week the excitement of starting a program and finishing my second semester of nursing school made me lazy.  This week my goals are to get as much as I can done in every aspect of my life.

I am 1 determined mom of 4 and I plan to make my life healthier and set a good example for my kids.

Starting wt 254.6

Current wt 248.6

Goal wt 130

Am I the only one getting spammed here.  I had over 50 porn related spams as comments on my blog in 2 days and since I deleted them earlier I have had 15 more.  This is ridiculous!!!

For some reason I thought nah I won’t write last night and that was fine.  This morning I totally forgot to weigh so I have nothing to report.  Yesterday I took my mom out to breakfast and today we took my mother-in-law out for lunch.  I ate what I would normally eat but I drank water.  This is like day 7 with no Cokes and I am surprised at how well I have done. I have not even cheated.  Tomorrow I give up sweets and I thought that it would not be hard but I know I want what I can not have more.

I have not even been on my elliptical yet.  It will hopefully get a permanent place to live tonight.  So I am not sure if it is because of Mother’s Day or the weekend but I am not as focused it seems.  I guess I will find out next weekend when there is no holiday to blame.

Starting wt 254.5

Current wt ??????

Goal wt 130

This is it, I have found my inspiration.  I have this time line to work with and I a making the most of it.  I got my elliptical home today and I am going to do it everyday and strength training everyday.  Yeah I know, I shouldn’t over do it.  I’m not! I figure I will do it everyday but I will start out with 1 set of 20 strength and 20 min on elliptical a day, then move up on time and sets.

Now today was okay I guess.  I have more energy and am happier since school has let out for the summer.  I talk to much though.  Started drinking my coffee black yesterday and that was the first time I have ever been able to tolerate it black.  It works and now I don’t have to worry about calories in creamer.

My goal for tomorrow is to start painting my house….

I have been trying to do this for months and I have 4 kids to wrangle so I don’t know how I am going to do it but I am.

I am reading “Best Friends” by Martha Moody right now.  It seems to be a good book, it skips in time a lot so you are always on your toes.

Starting wt. 254.6

Current wt. 249.8

Goal wt 130

I am on a roll, I actually bought an elliptical tonight.  I wont get it home till tomorrow but I am so excited.  I am day 4 without drinking Cokes.  Only water and black coffee for me now and I thought it would be harder. I am actually in the zone this time.  I think because I have a deadline and goal to meet by the end of summer.  I ate out today but I had a huge salad first and I didn’t really eat much of anything else.  So today was good and I anticipate tomorrow will be even better.

I have been full of half hearted attempts over the last year to lose weight but nothing came from it.  I plan and plan and slip right off.  Since last July I have gained between 25-30 pounds.  I have spent the last 10 months of my life devoted to nursing school and not to myself.  I have about 4 months off before the fall semester starts and I want to really get some weight off, 40 pounds to be exact by August 31st.

I started on May 3rd and I am somewhat organized.  I plan on going on the forums more because it gives me encouragement, even though I am more of a lurker.  I am deleting all the extra junk on here and just leaving the blog so I will have an outlet to vent.

Starting weight 254.4

Today’s weight 250.2

Goal weight 130

I’m tired, I think I am getting sick.  I will write tomorrow.

I spent the better part of the morning trying to motivate my husband out the door to the grocery.  I ended up shopping at a thrift store, eating at Chili’s and dumping him and the kids off at home, so I could actually get to the grocery.

I wanted to get more healthy food than I did, but my goal was to get Thanksgiving necessities and staples.  So I did buy some Activia yogurt because a girl I work for said it did wonders for her diet.  I ate a fiber one bar last night and I don’t think the gas I usually have with it was as bad this time.

No exercise, well unless you count 3 hours in the Walmart shopping.  My feet hurt and I didn’t eve burn off my Chili’s I am sure.  Although I only ate half of the meal I ordered.  I have had 5 Cokes today and I feel terrible about it.  The weekendsare the hardest, it is like a free for all.

So today I am back and blogging, that is always a positive.  I am slowly getting organized in this effort and I think I am going to walk in the morning if the rain holds off till later. If not, I will do something else for exercise.

I am going to check the boards out and some blogs for inspiration.

It has been almost a year since I started this blog……I am 8 pounds heavier, 10 times more stressed, I have half the time I started with, and I have no idea where to start!!!!!!

I am FAT……I am UNHEALTHY, I am MISERABLE, I am UNHAPPY!!!!

As a child I was fat, I had no friends: not because I was fat…..But because I was insecure.  No one liked me unless they really got to know me.  I was the first to make a fat joke.  I was the one to say what everyone thought.  I made people laugh….. but I also made them uncomfortable.  I still do that today.  I am now in nursing school with 46 other people and the only friend I have is the one I have been friends with since the 4th grade.

I noticed today that people avoid me .  Well it is not like I did not know it. But I didn’t want to think about it.  My husband told me once it was because I was pushy, my best friend told me it was because I was cold.  I guess I am both of those things, but you know I am also the best friend a person can have.  I really care about the people I get close to and I will sacrifice myself for their happiness.

The only thing is no one gets me. I am not happy with me and it has nothing to do with my weight.  My weight is a product of my unhappiness.  I am a social cluts and I am stumbling through life knocking people down.  Food is my friend……How Pathetic!!

Today I decided to do myself a favor and focus on me.  I am tired of trying to make friends and falling all over myself to get people to like me.  One year later I am nowhere.  I am still unhappy, I am still out of control, I am still in bad health.  I am going to start with a clean slate and devise a NEW strategy.

I am going to watch what I eat, find anyway to move, and take one day at a time.  I am not setting any goals except %.  I am not putting a time limit to my goals because if I don’t meet them I just quit all together.

Concider this my before picture.