The Girl Who Ate Angie

That is what my mom calls it.  I rolled down the hill and fell on my face, but after seeing my Doctor and getting some meds, I’m back.  Most of the time I am so busy that I don’t have time to have problems, but when they come on, boy do they come.  Anyway I think this time I will have to stay on the meds she gave me(I usually stop taking it after a month).  My mother calls it “better living through modern chemistry.”  I am not sure about this one yet, I seem to have insomnia with it and some other bothersome side effects.

Anyway, I have been fighting mental breakdowns and a head cold for a week.  I have not felt like blogging but I appreciate all the comments that were left while I was gone.  Being sick has at least staved off my appetite.  I went to WW and had my first WI there.  I changed my days because they were closed on Mother’s Day and that was my WI day.  So, I went 13 days until the next Saturday and made that my regular meeting.  I was up +1.6 for that WI from the week before when I just did a home WI.  I think I will have lost about 3 pounds by this WI though, so I have my fingers crossed.

Matthew’s last day of school is tomorrow and I am baking cookies for his teachers.  The base of this recipe has 1 cup each of oil, sugar, brown sugar, and butter.  Not a fat girl friendly recipe and I have had 2 so far and it makes 100 cookies.  I think I am giving every one of them away tomorrow though, so I will be okay.  I am so excited about Matthew getting out of school, since my classes are at night I will have 2 days with them all to play or go to the park and stuff.

I started my Comp II class Monday night and I think it is going to be hard for me.  The class writes in a computer lab together, and I really have to be by my self to write.  I was so nervous and I kind of panicked.  Tonight we took the kids back to the bridge to walk and they took off running.  It is amazing to me that they don’t get tired after running a mile.  If we all just had half the energy as them there wouldn’t be a fat sole on the planet.  Well I hope I am back on my normal routine and will be able to blog normally.  It does seem to help me stay on track and I really am grateful for all the support you ladies give.

I have fallen off my pedestal and started rolling down hill….no let me make that a mountain!!!!  I ate lunch with my husband on Tuesday, then with my friend on Wednesday.  Both days I made bad choices but today I put on my hiking boots and started trucking back to the top.

Not being able to weigh in on Mother’s Day at WW was not good for me.  I need to have a deadline to look forward to each week, and missing it made me feel like I had extra time.  Plus I have just had a miserable week on an emotional level.  I can be somewhat mentally unstable so to speak, and I have periods of being okay and then everything builds up until I explode.  Unfortunately that was yesterday and I am still not right but I am pushing forward.

I have a lot going on right now with my school, and Matthew’s school, and work.  If I could quit my job, be a full time mom, and still have enough money to move out of this horrible neighborhood I would be okay.  I feel like a failure right now and it is making self loathing easier and caring about my weight harder.  If I can make it through the rest of the day on my plan I should be okay for the weekend.  I hope to have lost at least a pound or 2 more by WI Saturday.

later that night…

I still do not feel good. I am emotionally spent I think and since I am an emotional eater that does not help me in the least.  We went out to eat at a buffet  even though I knew I shouldn’t.  I do not think I did too bad though and tomorrow is a new day and hopefully full of promise.  For some reason I am depressed….I am not sure why, but I feel like it has to do with all the struggles I have had lately.  My classes start Monday and I have one Monday and one Tuesday night, so I will have two days a week that are free to spend with the kids over the summer.  Matthew is getting out of school next Friday so I will have 4 kids on my days off.  I hope we can do something fun.

My goal for tomorrow is to stay on plan so I am going to plan a menu tonight to help with my points.

Hi ladies, I hope you had a great mother’s day, mine was awesome. Jason got up with the kids today and they were so quite I slept until 10:30.  I haven’t slept that last since I was on bed rest and pregnant with the boys (so about 4 yrs).  I got up and fixed brunch for us all even though Jason had fed the boys cereal at 8:00.  i got ready to go to my WW meeting and when I got there it was not open.  Last week they talked about it, but the lady said she thought they would be open.  So I did not get to weigh in, but I weighed at home this morning and I am down 5 pounds, so yay.

I decided to take my mom out to eat, and yes I am sure it was over in points but I did not care once I couldn’t weigh in.  Jason bought me a food processer and I think I will be able to do alot of things with it. I use one at work all the time and I wanted one for a while now, but did not want to spend the money.   When the kids got up from their nap we went to the movies to see Monsters vs. Aliens.  It was really good and Ethan and Jacob watched the whole thing in 3D.  Matthew and Olivia kept taking their glasses off.  I think it was too much stimulation for Matthew, he acted like it bothered him.  After the movie we went downtown and walked across the Walnut Street bridge.  They loved being able to run free, our yard is small so every opportunity to spread out is welcomed.  Here is a link to the slide show.

http://www.slide.com/r/uMWRJ-Dh1z8f0vyXiiupsylvTHYRlpvC?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original

On a diet note, I was perfectly on plan all week and I am not sure that I was not on plan today.  I did eat Chinese and I did not count points, but of course I have an extra 35 points for the week.  I am just going to stay on plan this week and not use any extra points.  I did have one coke and it was within my points so I did well.  I was worried that not going to a meeting would throw me off my plan but I don’t think it will.  My mind is pretty much on track and I know I lost 5 pounds so I am going to wait and change my WI to Saturday mornings.  So I will weigh in the Saturday and hopefully be in my 220’s.

Today was a great day and I just need a few more days like this.  It is nice to stop being so hectic and just enjoy a day with my kids, with no errands, running around, work, or school.  I did good on my finals and this is the only week I have before summer classes start.  I am taking Humanities and Comp II so I will have a lot of writing and reading.  I hope it is not as demanding as my science classes have been, because I want to enjoy the summer some.  I am going to get up and walk before work tomorrow if it does not rain.

I am back after a few days of studying and crashing from the stress of finals.  I am done and I did good on them so I am pleased.  I am still on program and I have not went over my points.  I have next week off from school and the following week summer classes start, so it is a short break.  I am trying to use that week to clean the house and organize things.  I live in a constant state of clutter.

I posted a new recipe and it was something I came up with on my own.  We had it the other night and I wish I had thought to take a picture but I didn’t.  Well anyway I hate salmon, but I whipped up this marinade for it and I could eat it every night.  It rained today after work so I did not get any exercise in today.  However I did the last two days so that is progress.

Joy, thanks for the link, I will read over it tomorrow it is late here.

Yep that is what I am doing and it must be working. I went out with a friend to look for baby shower decorations for a shower she is throwing.  We never go anywhere because we are both so busy, but when we do FOOD is always involved.  Depending on what part of the country you are in you might know about Krispy Kreme.  When the neon sign is blinking red, you know they are cooking fresh doughnuts.  Warm fresh, melt in your mouth glazed doughnuts.  Yes, they are my weakness and I have to avoid that part of town because it is not often I can restrain myself if I drive by and the sign is blinking.

But as I have payed to loose weight(something other people can do for free), like a sucker…lol.  I was good, I did not even come close to caving and I even had the points to eat one.  Problem is if I put that little bite of heaven in my mouth, I would have had to turn around and go back to buy my own dozen.  Yay for me!!!

Well anyway, I did not exercise, I know I know.  My morning was spent in my A&P professors office looking over previous tests to prepare for my final on Thursday.  Then I came home and realized that I had not finished my Chemistry homework.  He is giving us until Friday to have it done but I don’t really understand it.  So I did nothing on the one sunny day we are going to have this week.  I am impossible I know,  there has to be a personal trainer somewhere out there who would take pity on a poor fat girl.  I just need someone with authority to yell at me,lol.  I would thrive in a boot camp type situation, well as long as they were not too mean, because I would tell them where to stuff it if I got to mad, lol.  So bad exercise day but good food day.  No cokes and I stayed on points today, plus I have drank enough water to fill at least one camel hump.

At home everything is good.  The kids are a little whiny but that comes from being stuck in the house for this many days in a row.  Rain is a mother’s #1 enemy, well that and the TV.  My mother started letting my kids watch more cartoons while I am at work, and you would not believe all the things Ethan is now putting on his “Mommy must buy list”.  He is the talkative one, the loud one, the helpful one, and the bossy one; my husband says he is just like me,lol.  This morning with 5 leftover pancakes sitting on the stove (because #1 I don’t know how to cook less & 2 because I was good this morning and did not eat even one) my Ethan looks at my mother after I left for school and says, “Gwanny, I’m hungry, mommy didn’t give me any breakfast”. No typo, yes he calls her Gwanny…lol.  You know I am sure in his mind I starve him, but I think he is the sneakiest child I have, and he will twist and down right lie to get something he wants.  I hope it does not get worse, but if this early is a sign of bad things I am screwed.  Okay I WILL exercise, I WILL, I WILL.

breasy, It does sound silly to look forward to a star, lol.  But I have it in my head that I can get more when I start to exercise and that is pushing me in some small way.  As a matter of fact I am off to add my one for food when I finish this blog, so we can just be silly together.

Eileen, I am glad your daughter has done so well, Thank you for the kind words.  Matthew was 9 weeks early and 3′1oz.  He had a harder time breathing but it turned out okay.  If I had to Diagnose Matthew, I would say he is Autistic, but he is getting better and people do not generally believe Autism can be recovered from.  So Autistic or not, that is the best way to describe him and what we live with every day.

Someone recommended your site to me about a month ago but I did not think I would commit to it so I did not join then.  I have started a plan that I think will work and it gives me a way to pat myself on the back.  It was a great idea and I am glad you came up with it.  I am not real good with new web sites and stuff but I will try it and maybe I wont mess it up too bad.

Sunnygee, as soon as I have time I am going to make a list, my problem is that I can never remember the name of the person that sings the songs I like.

Today was so much easier than I thought it would be, I hope that is not a bad sign.  On plan today with my points although no exercise.  I will be glad when this week is over, I will have so much more time after finals week.  I am excited about going on vacation in August and I hope I can loose 39 pounds by then.  That will put me at 200 and I have not been below 221 in 15 years.  It is bad when you can say you were still 200 pounds at age 16.

I think that is a big reason I can not loose weight.  I do not know what I would look like, I have never been a normal weight so it is just inconceivable for me I guess.  It is easy to dream of it but then it is overwhelming to think about the amout to reach that dream.  I joined Eileen’s web site and maybe that will help me, but I still am not sure how it works.

My goal for tomorrow is to stay within my points (31) and drink 48oz water (which I exceeded today).  I also want to jump rope and maybe try a DVD out for exercise.  Does anyone remember Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies…lol HERE.  I loved that video because it had music.  I need to find a list of song for Jason to put on my MP3 player.  I would enjoy exercise much more if I could sing out of tune with the music…lol.

Okay, first thank you all for weighing in on the exercise questions.  It helped me so much.  I had a gym membership years ago and I went about 5 times in 3 years, but I had to pay for it every month for those 3 years.  I am very busy and the trial membership for the gym is only 10 days.  Ten days is not really enough time to try it out.  I would maybe only be able to go 4 or 5 days in that amount of time.  I decided that if I can commit to myself and get down to 200 pounds I will get one then.  That way I will be committed to my weight loss and I will be less likely to be paying for a gym I never use.

On a food note, I went to WW and rejoined and I hope that is the last time I will ever have to say that.  I felt better just being there.  That is kind of my time I guess.  I can go to a weekend meeting and there are no kids to worry about, plus it is not something I am rushing to in the middle of the week.  I am also going to start working on a workout plan for me to start and plan meals around my points.  What would be great is if it would stop raining.  I can not remembering it ever raining here as much as it has this spring.  I am telling you it has been raining since Friday and Tuesday this week is the only day it is going to stop until Saturday. This will be a good week for me to try out at home exercises.

Is anyone else worried about sending their kids to school with the swine flu going around?  There are over 200 confirmed cases in the US and the first confirmed case here in Tennessee has me nervous.  There are 9 suspected cases also but they are all around Knoxville and that is 100 miles from here.  I wish Matthew was out of school for summer already and I did not have to send him.  As long as it does not get around here until the end of the month I will feel a lot better.

Bad food day

No exercise

TOMORROW NO EXCUSES!!!!!!

About blog rules:

I just noticed that they had a link to blogger.com and when I started reading it I realized there were rules for blogging here…lol.  I had not seen it before but I think it is meant to keep down spam.  I just thought maybe because I was posting links that it might be considered promotion of sites.  I think it is okay though now that I have read it and I am not half asleep. 2am blogging is not good.

Brseay, I don’t read the ones that only list food either, they are boring.  I want to feel like I have met people I can relate to and maybe even find some good friends.

Gottaloose, My son is doing well and he is undiagnosed at this time and that is just how his therapists are handling it.  I think they do not want it to be something that fallows him forever.  The idea is to have him make as much progress as possible and when we hit a wall see what to call it. I did not get to the video,lol I totally forgot.  That is why I don’t lose weight, I forget I am on a diet!!!!

inkheartmeg, It was a long blog but I am so grateful that he has made the progress that I wanted to tell it.  Matthew it a completely different child than he was 1 year ago and I am lucky to be able to share that kind of news.

Joy, you are more than welcome I hope it helps you in some way.

Thank you all for reading my blog.

Now to talk about that 4 letter word we all hate, DIET.

OMG, I just(this minute 12:36am Sunday) got on the scale. I am 241.6….eeeek.  When I started a few weeks ago I was a pound lighter than that. Huh, I guess I wont be losing 20 pounds by Memorial Day will I?  I (rolling eyes) need help, so I am going to sign back up at WW in the morning.  I hate to give someone my money every week, but I need that deadline every week, the challenge of beating the scale and seeing a - sign on it.  I also have asked for, (oh this hurts) exercise equipment for Mother’s Day.  Sigh, I guess an elliptical is best because I hear a lot of people talking about them.  But, for the same price I can get a gym membership for the year too.

ADVICE If I decide on home exercise, what machine do you recommend?

Do you have a gym membership and do you like it or even use it, why or why not?

I am getting back on track.  I have one more final so I am not as stressed and maybe I can stop eating like a cow.  This morning I will start off right, I plan to exercise, even if I have to do a video in the house.  I don’t like them though so I hope the rain stops.

We planed a vacation for August to Florida for a week so I need to lose enough weight to get in a bathing suit….ICK.

I missed blogging and after my long winded Autism blogs, I happened to see that I was not supposed to be blogging about non diet things on my 3FC blog, OOPS.  Well hopefully they will over look it because Matthew and Autism have a huge affect on my life, stress, and my weight.  However I did not realize that there were blog rules that state no “general” blogging. I am kind of a mixture of diet, gripes, and general, I wonder if I should switch over?  What do you ladies think?

I am still around, not doing great on my plan though.  I have finals this week and next so I have not had time to post.  I will update after Thursday May 7th, that is when all of my finals will be over.