Sigh November 25, 2009
I’m tired, I think I am getting sick. I will write tomorrow.
I spent the better part of the morning trying to motivate my husband out the door to the grocery. I ended up shopping at a thrift store, eating at Chili’s and dumping him and the kids off at home, so I could actually get to the grocery.
I wanted to get more healthy food than I did, but my goal was to get Thanksgiving necessities and staples. So I did buy some Activia yogurt because a girl I work for said it did wonders for her diet. I ate a fiber one bar last night and I don’t think the gas I usually have with it was as bad this time.
No exercise, well unless you count 3 hours in the Walmart shopping. My feet hurt and I didn’t eve burn off my Chili’s I am sure. Although I only ate half of the meal I ordered. I have had 5 Cokes today and I feel terrible about it. The weekendsare the hardest, it is like a free for all.
So today I am back and blogging, that is always a positive. I am slowly getting organized in this effort and I think I am going to walk in the morning if the rain holds off till later. If not, I will do something else for exercise.
I am going to check the boards out and some blogs for inspiration.
It has been almost a year since I started this blog……I am 8 pounds heavier, 10 times more stressed, I have half the time I started with, and I have no idea where to start!!!!!!
I am FAT……I am UNHEALTHY, I am MISERABLE, I am UNHAPPY!!!!
As a child I was fat, I had no friends: not because I was fat…..But because I was insecure. No one liked me unless they really got to know me. I was the first to make a fat joke. I was the one to say what everyone thought. I made people laugh….. but I also made them uncomfortable. I still do that today. I am now in nursing school with 46 other people and the only friend I have is the one I have been friends with since the 4th grade.
I noticed today that people avoid me . Well it is not like I did not know it. But I didn’t want to think about it. My husband told me once it was because I was pushy, my best friend told me it was because I was cold. I guess I am both of those things, but you know I am also the best friend a person can have. I really care about the people I get close to and I will sacrifice myself for their happiness.
The only thing is no one gets me. I am not happy with me and it has nothing to do with my weight. My weight is a product of my unhappiness. I am a social cluts and I am stumbling through life knocking people down. Food is my friend……How Pathetic!!
Today I decided to do myself a favor and focus on me. I am tired of trying to make friends and falling all over myself to get people to like me. One year later I am nowhere. I am still unhappy, I am still out of control, I am still in bad health. I am going to start with a clean slate and devise a NEW strategy.
I am going to watch what I eat, find anyway to move, and take one day at a time. I am not setting any goals except %. I am not putting a time limit to my goals because if I don’t meet them I just quit all together.
Concider this my before picture.