The Girl Who Ate Angie

Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

Happy & Sad April 6, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — angiemo3 @ 11:41 pm

Have you ever been torn between happiness and disappointment?  That is how I have felt lately.  First let me say I had the best surprise Saturday morning that I have had in …hummm… I don’t know when.  Matthew went to bed in underwear and woke up in DRY underwear, yay.  He is the last of the boys to be completely potty trained.  He has been dry for 3 mornings now so I hope it is going to stick.  I was waiting for him to start waking up with a dry diaper like Ethan and Jacob did, but Matthew has to be different.  He has been begging to wear underwear to bed for over a week now so I let him this weekend.  I was so excited, it is a big step for him.

On the other hand Saturday night was not so good.  My friend called and asked if I checked the mail, and of course it was 7pm and I had forgotten.  I knew immediately why she was asking and the dread loomed over me.  Jason went out to get it and gave me the letter.  I asked her if she got in and she said yes, in the back of my mind I thought there is a chance but honestly I did not expect to get in.  I opened the letter and skimmed over the top, It said we are sorry but your application for the nursing program was denied.  Sigh…. I worked hard and I am an A/B student, I worked full time, and I had 4 kids, a husband, and a house to take care of and I missed the points requirement by .02.  Two tenths of a percent, I can’t frickin believe it.

Okay so here it is….. I wanted in, I think.  I mean I worked hard but I did not want the night program and that is all I had the points for.  I did not want to go through the program with my friend because I am better on my own than with someone.  We have had classes together and I felt like I was trying to help her and not focusing on me.  My problem is that the entrance test is standardized, and I have not got above a 66 the three times I have taken it.  I have some issues with anxiety, go figure.  Anyway, I was relieved in a way but disappointed in another.  I feel like I have wasted the last 2 years and all for nothing.  I have 3 B’s and now I have to retake those 3 classes and bring them up to A’s.  If I do that and I can not do better the next time I take the entrance test, I will still have enough points to get in the day program.

I kind of feel like I need to take some time for myself and work on me for a while.  I just started trying to lose my weight and I don’t think I can handle the stress of the nursing program and stay on track with my weight.  Also, recently I have been working on getting my own business started.  I opened an Etsy shop and I am trying to get a web site going so I felt like I was really getting to do what I love.  Now I will have more time to get things going.  Ethan and Jacob will be going to pre K this fall also and that meant that 2 days a week I would not see them at all.  They would be in school and I would have to go to school before I saw them.  The day program next fall is definitely a better fit for me, so why do I feel like I let myself and my family down?  I feel guilty over being relieved, like wanting NOT to get in the program this year and work on my business and myself is selfish.  Then of course people pity you because you didn’t get in, but I can’t tell them I am okay with it because they think I am trying to be strong.

The truth is the things I want are simple, they just are not realistic with the situation I am in at this moment.  I want to be skinny, a normal weight.  I am tired of being fat and miserable, I am tired of being lazy and not wanting to do anything.  I want to create things and put my time into them, and I want people to buy them so I can get my kids out of this neighborhood and into a better school district.  I want to give them everything my mother could not afford to give me.  I want them to get a good education and I want them to have a good childhood full of memories that do not include mommy never being at home because she was always at work or school.

Blah blah blah, I am almost embarrassed to go on like this, because I know people actually read my blog.  It is kind of always about whatever random thoughts or problems I am dealing with though so maybe I should start doing a regular blog.  I haven’t been talking about my weight lately.  I walked 2 miles with some intermediate jogging mixed in this morning.  If nothing else I feel more focused on my weight loss since the denial letter came.  It is almost like I am trying to prove to myself that there are good reasons to not get in the program.  I think I am just fooling myself, when it is all said and done, I only have to face myself and I am disappointed in me for not getting in.

 

A new month, a new me… April 3, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 12:11 am

Okay it is April and I signed up for the 20 pound Memorial day challenge.  I signed up when I started back a week ago and I know I have lost some but I wont know for sure until I weigh in the morning.  My plan is kind of taking shape for the most part.  I am going back and forth on WW or Calorie Counting.  What to do?  Neither seem appealing to me because I never have the time to keep track.  I am exercising some with DH but I think I need to get an elliptical….I will ponder on this some more, but for now I feel good, I have added sooo much water to my routine and that is a huge step for me.

I was thinking that April is too darn rainy here… It seems like it has rained 4 out of 7 days for weeks now.  I am totally committed to this and this month I am making a point to find new ways to suceed.  Memorial day is a little over 7 weeks away and that is my first mini goal.  In the past I looked at the big picture and 110 pounds seems impossible.  20 pounds seems easy and it has already made a difference in the way I chose to live.

You know they say you make tons of choices about food everyday, and for me I have always doubted that.  I thought I never thought about food, and I was right.  I was not thinking about it, I was mindlessly eating because the draw of taste was so overpowering to me.  Well today I took my A&P test and had time left over after I was done.  I was so stressed that I took off down the hall to the cafeteria,  as I walked I talked in my head the whole time.  I noticed that I was walking faster and faster, like I was trying to get there before I could talk myself out of it.  I asked myself “what are you doing”….I am going to weigh in the morning, why would I make this choice?  At the last minute I darted into the bathroom, got rid of some excess water, lol, and walked just as fast back to my class as I was walking to get the food I never made it to.  On the way home I had to reason with myself why I should not stop at Subway on the way home.  Subway is great, but I would have ordered a foot long, and I  do not NEED to eat that much.  They are only $5, but I had sandwich stuff at home.  So I went home and made a sandwich.

My live is full and I am very busy, but I am working on my time management skills and I am also working on listening to my body.  Eat because I am hungry, stop eating when I am not hungry anymore NOT when I am about to pop.  Give myself time to think and remember who I am and what I am trying to do for ME.

“I am strong and I can do anything if I put my mind to it….Now if I only knew where I put my mind”

 

Nothing going on here…. April 1, 2009

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 9:50 pm

Well we got up and walked 1 mile again, but it kind of makes me antsy only doing one.  I may be fat but I am in pretty good shape and can knock out 3 miles easily.  I really do enjoy dragging this very miserable unhappy man with me to walk though.  I feel strong as I encourage him along the way.  I remember what it was like at my highest weight years ago (280).  I had never exercised a day in my life and I thought I would die.  I suppose I could do more than I am now, although I do not know where I would squeeze one more second out of my day.

Here I sit, blogging, avoiding studying for my A&P II test tomorrow.  I will update my weight on Friday but I already know I have lost some weight.  I watched Biggest Loser last night and I have to say I am no longer impressed with it the way I was when they first did the show.  I think at that point I sat on my butt and dreamed about being one of them.  Now I realize that for all the seasons I have been watching them I could have lost my weight 2 times over.

Matthews tooth is fine and I made it through work today.  I did good on eating and 1 mile is better than 0 miles I guess.  I have been reading a few blogs but from December when I started to now, quite a few people have quit, so I am learning new people and some are really inspirational and fascinating.  I have been meaning to add favorite sites that I use a lot to mine but I have not had the time, so I will try to get to that this weekend.  I want to thank those of you who take the time to read my blog and those of you who comment.  I write this blog for myself and because it gives me an outlet but it is nice knowing that people read what you say and relate somehow.  It kind of keeps you in perspective and pushes you to keep going, because someone else is waiting to see how well you are doing.

I guess that is all for tonight, I need to study and I really can’t think of anything interesting to say.

Later the same night…. I was reading someones blog and I thing writing her really made me feel like I understood her drive.  This person has done so well and It might be to early to say but she might have just inspired me to work harder at this, after all no one else can do it for me.  I just wanted to say that, in case this is THE moment that I change my life,lol.

“Your life is what you make of it, and the world you live in is only a reflection of you….make the most of it”

 

Busy,busy,busy….

Filed under: AND AWAY WE GO!!!! — angiemo3 @ 12:12 am

I have been so busy that I have not had time to post. So here is a little to catch up. Saturday I ran all day long.  I have a Saturday morning Chemistry lab and it did not let out until 11:40.  Then we drove 50 miles to Dayton to see DH mom and get some paperwork we needed for the car she gave us.  Ate lunch, drove home making the kids sing, raise their hands, make any kind of noise so they would not fall asleep before we got home. Nap time in my house is more valuable than cake, sex, or anything else you can imagine,lol.  Then we ended up running to Walmart (rolls eyes at the thought of that place) but they do seem to have everything I need in one convenient place.  Ate out of course….(at this point not tracking what I eat).  Home late, kids bed, movie in (Charlie Wilson’s War), I thought is was a pretty good movie, but no blog.

Sunday we took the kids to the Creative Discovery Museum here in Chattanooga. They love going so we buy a family pass and go about 10 times a year I guess.  We ate out again (Mexican…..*cringe*..buffet…I know, I know). Still not tracking food at this point, obviously.

Monday was the first day that I was officially starting a full program and I did.  I couldn’t get Jason out of the house on time, he poked around trying to waste time (err).  We ended up walking 1 mile on the Walnut Street Bridge (walking bridge in Chattanooga that goes over the Tennessee river).  Once both ways is 1 mile, and we did not have time before work to do more.  I am going to try to get him 2 miles tomorrow morning.  He is refusing if it rains though.  Then I went to work, that was a long day….I came home and made a healthy version of enchiladas for dinner and it was really good.

Today I had to take Matthew to the dentist as a work in patient at 9am.  I needed to be at school for my class at 12;30 so I was worried I would not have time.  No breakfast, only coffee on the road.  He had broke a tooth about 6 weeks ago and the dentist assured me that Matthew would be fine and told me the best thing to do is nothing.  Yeah well the root died, the tooth was abscesses and infected, so off I went.  He was afraid to do anything to him because he was only 3 1/2 and he usually wants them to be 5 before he will numb them or anything that might be traumatic.  He called a pediatric dentist that I tried to get him into and could not because they had a 2 month wait for new patients.  We went right over, they did X~rays (with no problem), the doctor looked at it (with no problem).  He said he needed to pull it and they would numb it first and that it is better if the parents wait in the waiting room.  My 3 year old went to the toy room to play, I went to sit and wait, and about 30 mins later the woman comes out carrying my child.  My child the 3 year old with the biggest grin you will ever see on any kids face.  She said he is the best child we have ever had….(of course I thought, they say this to everyone).  Nope really he was, they did not have to numb it, he did everything they asked him to do, he sat still and they pulled it right out.  She said he flinched, looked confused, then grinned this big grin I was looking at in front of me.  He held the gauze in his mouth like he was told and off we went to our house.  Of course in the car he decides to chew on said gauze and I have to take it from him before he makes a meal of it,lol.  I was amazed at him, but I find that I am always amazed lately by him.  1 year ago Matthew had every classic sign of autism there is except he was very loving.  He rocked, and made strange noises, he banged his head on things, and threw wild fits and temper tantrums that included banging his head in the floor.  He spoke nothing to speak of and was very much a loner at home.  Since he has been in an early intervention program and therapy he is a totally different child.  Every day I am amazed by my last born triplet and every day I am thankful he is NOT autistic.  There is something different about him, but it is undiagnosed and he may very well grow out of it, but he may have ADD.  He has challenged me his whole life and there were days I never thought we would make it even through the next second.  Then there are days like today when I draw my strength from his and think that I can do anything if I am as strong as him.

I made it to school 5 min late, ate no lunch, came home after school and the grocery to find I did not have time to cook dinner it was 6:30.  So we ordered Pizza Hut….3 pieces of supreme, but not the crust on the end, they were 10 points a piece…Should have looked it up before I ate it,lol.  Oh well I had 1/2 cup raisins, I glass 1% milk and a handful of mini marshmallows. so i think I am still okay.  Tomorrow will be less stressful I hope.

I was just going to blog about food and how I was just doing okay so far this week and it turned into a sappy blog with a little personal info about my family.  I plan to walk in the morning and eat well, so I will be back to update tomorrow if I have time but more than likely not until Thursday night.  I have an A&P II test Thursday morning and I will need to study tomorrow night for it.

“If you can not be strong for yourself, be strong for someone you love.”

 

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