The Girl Who Ate Angie

We all have choices to make everyday.  Why is it that some of them are so hard, and some are not.  I previously wrote in my goals that I was going to create a “CHEAT” day…..Ummm no I am NOT.  In a moment of weakness I was looking for an excuse to fail, to let myself down.  A few days later I am asking myself, “what the hell do you want to do that for?”  Obviously I was sitting here reading blogs and thinking about how well I have stayed on track, when I realized….This is my CHEAT day!!!!  Saturday, the day after weigh in, so I have 6 days to work it off before the next weigh in.  Okay so it is technically Sunday now by about 25 minuets and I did not eat anything bad, I actually had like 3 pts left tonight or something.  I had forgotten all about my “CHEAT” day because I had been doing so well and staying on track.

I used to forget that I was on a diet…..anyone else ever do that?  I would tell myself I was going to start a diet and the next morning I would get up, open a coke, eat a debbie cake(or something equally crazy) and it would dawn on me…..I was going to start my diet.  Oh well I’ll have to start tomorrow now, I have already ruined it.  NOW all of a sudden I am forgetting that I am supposed to be jumping off the diet for a day and eating crap!!!! LMAS This is an earth shattering day I will tell you.  NO coke craving, NO eating out craving, and NO cheat day.

Today I choose to not give up, to not give in, and to change my goal to make a cheat day.  I also chose to start my 100 push ups challenge.  I chose to start my 30DS video, and I chose to stop the DVD and back away from the TV,lol.  That woman is crazy, I have had the flu or something and I still can not feel my lungs.  I got to about the second jump rope part and that was it.  I felt like a elephant was on my chest.  I will have to try that in a few days when ALL of my chest congestion has cleared up.  Oh and after I buy weights, lol Jason laughed at me because I was using spaghetti sauce for weights.

It is funny now about the “CHEAT” day, because it was just my philosophy up until now.  This is really it for me. When I can look back and reflect on the things I thought I NEEDED and see that I NEED to be strong more; then I am on my way.  We all make choices everyday that we think are unimportant but they are what shape us into who we are.  I unconsciously chose to give myself an automatic excuse, built right in, no accountability.  But I made a conscious decision to correct my mistake.

What I hope too get across is that we need to think more about why we chose things.  If I had asked myself then, WHY do I need a cheat day?  I would have saw it for what it was then, but to me it was just an automatic add into my plan.  I have always given up and that was a way to not have to be faithful to my program.  That was my built in EXCUSE.  I do not need to cheat because THIS IS DOABLE.  I do not need to cheat because it just puts me that much farther away from my goals.  We all have choices to make and today I chose to be true to my plan!!!

Me, yep that is right me!!!! I get to sleep late this weekend.  Jason gained weight, not sure how much because he forgot to weigh this morning.  I lost a total of -5.6 pounds this week.  Most of this success I am sure is due to the fact that I have not had a coke or ate out in several days.  This week it was not so hard to do those two things because I have been sick.  My throat hurts sooo bad that nothing sounds appetizing.    Not sure if I will sleep in tomorrow or Sunday, it depends on who is sicker in the morning.  Jason is catching it too so I can’t very well make him get  up sick and take care of all the sick kids.

I am really into losing weight this time.  Years ago I lost 60 pounds and then I just kind of stopped.  When I started that time it was like no other time.  I remember having this determination and strength that I did not know I was capable of.  For years I have struggled to find that again.  As the boys were little they took so much work that I couldn’t find the time for me, and if I found it I was too tired to do anything with it.  Then when it should have been getting easier I was pregnant with Olivia.  With 4 kids it is very hard to work in me time.  I struggle everyday with guilt over not being able to stay at home with them.  My mother takes care of them for me while I work and go to school, but I still miss them and want to spend more time with them.  So when I could get away to exercise, I have a hard time taking that time away from them.  I know some people will say it may be hard now but it is for the greater good.  I don’t believe that, they remember when you are NOT there more than they remember when you ARE there later on.  So I am going before work and other times that affect them as little as possible.  So far not very much, because I have been sick.

Anyway I got off my thought.  Today when I weighed in I realized that this time I felt like I had before.  I felt that determination and I have not even craved coke or fast food (maybe because I am sick) but still, it is a start.  I see me making it through to the end. 130 here I come…. I am strong, I am dedicated, I AM WORTH IT.

SORRY PRIDE TAKING OVER,LOL.  For me it is all about being organized, once I have a plan I am good to go.  the forums have served a few purposes for me so far.  First I spend so much time reading posts and blogs at night that I don’t eat….night time eating was my downfall.  Second, I have found a few challenges that I really like to be a part of and they keep me motivated and focused on my goals.  I have added a few updates and stuff lately to my other pages in case you haven’t seen them yet.  I am off to get a good nights sleep I hope.

Walked 2 miles

Drank 60 oz water

Stayed within points

I finally started my exercising today.  I went before work and walked 2 miles in the cold wind.  I was sick with some sort of cold bug already so I hope it does not get worse.  I always feel so good as I am walking and so proud.  So why is it that I can’t seem to make myself get up and go?  I am not scheduled to go tomorrow but I am off work and Jason is too so he can watch the kids for a while and I can get another 2 miles in.  It will make up for not doing it on Monday this week.  My goal for the year is to walk 800 miles so I need to get every little mile in.

I joined the New Year, New Me Challenge and the first mini challenge is NO WEIGH IN for 6 weeks.  I hope this will make me stronger but I am scared it will cause me to eat out of control.  I got on the scale this morning and it said 237.2 so I am starting to lose and that is what made me work extra hard on my points.  My goal of being down 10% was going to be on my birthday Feb 10 but this challenge lasts until feb 14 so I am moving it till then.  My first weigh in will tell me if I reached my goal or not, scarry.  Jason is going to record my weight each week, without me looking at the scale, and tell me which one of us won our weekly deal to sleep late.  I am excited about this challenge because I have a problem with impulse control and this is like the first step to helping me learn some control. My plan is to eat right and go by my exercise plan I posted.  My main goals I am working on right now are NO COKES and NO EATING OUT.