Food December 23, 2008
Well it was 15 degrees this morning, I got up and made me a bowl of cereal. As I sat in the dark wondering what the hell I had been thinking when I, number one decided to walk in 15 degrees and number two…..It wasn’t even daylight yet. So being the genius I am, walking around a secluded track in the dark, while freezing to death all of a sudden did not seem like a good idea. Well that is what my mother pointed out to me at 6:45 this morning when she called to ask me if I was sure I had really thought the idea through completely….lol. I have to say that I did not put up a very hard fight.
I went back to work today after a week vacation and I was glad to see her. I missed her and we picked at each other all day. She is like a grandmother to me but a feisty one. I stayed within my points but I wanted to eat more. Food is my friend, my comfort, my cure for boredom, and my enemy. If you think about all the people you see on these sites…..and out of those think of all the ones who have 100+ to lose like me. Food really can destroy a persons life. Even when I am not dieting, I am thinking about how fat I am, how it would be great if it was as simple as cutting it off with a knife. Food tastes great to me, I only eat the things I like and there are a lot of things I do not like, yet I am still fat. Then there are people who never have to worry about a fat gram, a calorie, a WW point, and are rail thin. Is there really a big difference in them and us? Advertisers should not be allowed to push 900 calorie hamburgers on food junkies just like drug dealers shouldn’t push crack on a drug addict. 900 calories is in a double whopper from Burger King and the average woman is expected to eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day that is outrageous.
The thing is, I know the rules. I know I should drink a lot of water for faster digestion. Eat whole grains to feel full longer. Have fruits and veggies around for snacks. Stop eating when I am satisfied and NOT when I am FULL. But I literally can here me saying to myself, oh well who cares if I am fat. I care damn it. Of course I only care when it is not something that I haven’t had in a while that is really good. I have a passion to do better but not the determination to do so. When you have 110 pounds to lose it is easy to feel like it is not possible and there for I tend to give up before I fail.
Tomorrow I am having a sugar test to see if I am diabetic. I hope not because I do not need another problem to add to the trouble I already have taking care of myself.
Food is evil …….I have had no coke today…….and I did not walk. Tomorrow brings a new day and a new chance at redemption.