runnin’ down a dream

weight: 181

calories: 1940 (+340)

achievements: I went to the gym as planned and did all the machines i went through with my trainer save one. but i added in another that works the same muscle groups.  i did some PT and balanced on the disk for 1 minute per leg.  getting better at it.  i slept mostly well last night.  i put lavender sprigs from my garden under my pillow and in my car.  I did not go to panera, i made a salad instead and i am starting to crave fruits as much as any desert.  i said nay to a cuppa coffee, even a small one.  i stayed in a good mood at work dispite having someone elses work heaped on me.  i did a few things around the house. I feel alot better having came home after work rather than splurged at a coffee shop and i feel i was more productive.

and, i like my hair today

areas to improve:  i’ve noticed i need to keep up with my core PT exersizes and find ways to strengthen my knee and stabilize it. for running.   I could trim a few calories, but i’m not going to push it because it’s way lower than what it previously had been.  i’m just glad i’m not craving and binging on what ever.

I’ve made a list of some phone calls to make tomorrow.  i think i will get up at 5 am and jog once around the block with dog. or walk/jog if i think my knees can’t take it yet.

feel: pretty good.

inspiration: Finding the book “the Chi of Running” has given me new hope.  i didn’t buy or read it, i just know it’ s out there, but perhaps the library can order it for me.

weight:181

calories:1800 (+200)

accomplishments:  walked/jogged for over one hour at nearby park.  felt so much better after.  it felt like the me of old:)  even though the running was interspersed with walking, it still felt like a good work out.  but the best part is that my knees arent hurting, and the running segments weren’t painful.  Also, i ate well today with lots of fresh greens and veggies and fruits.  i did some cleaning around the house.

areas to improve:  I want to start the jogging in the mornings again. but i’ll wait until sat. since work might be busy the next 2 days. tomorrow i will go to the gym for wieght lifting, either after work or sometime in the pm.  and most of all i need to relax and take things a little at a time.  No one sets these high bars for me but me.

inspriation:  the good feeling i had after running, then coming home and showering

weight:184

calories: 1800 (+200)

accomplishments:  some pt this am.  Swam for 45 minutes.  good at limiting portions and making good food choices.  relaxed a little, did some housework goals.

areas to improve:  keep up the working out and make a schedule to stick with.  keep relaxing and recharging. do little tasks and baby step goals in other areas of life so you don’t obsess over big picture.

feel: headache.

inspiration: from Monika PT:  Row row row your boat(whose boat ? your boat) gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.

weight:

calories:2730 (+1130)

accomplishments: learned that the panera chicken strawberry poppyseed salad has but 290 calories  Fought off 2 additional binge urges as i’m writing this.

Areas to improve:  relaxing, eating, working out.  Come up with more of a plan.  I know that you’re tired at the end of the day, and work can be unpredictable, but some kind of plan and set goals for working out and eating would be helpful.

inspiration:  the moments when you are experiencing the urge to overeat are when you make the most important decisions.  That is the time to make the decision.  that is the important time, the important decision.  the deciding moment.  the make or break.

feel: achey.

weight:180

calories: 2760 (+1160)

accomplishments:  well, i squeezed in a few balance ball exercises.  i had a healthy breakfast, snack and lunch. i maintained a positive attitude at work.  i drank green tea in place of coffee.  I did some hard thinking about how overeating holds me down in life.  About how i will not, simply will not succeed in finishing school and changing carreers if i am not healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

areas to improve:  eating.  granted i did not technically eat out, but i picked up fast food and brought it home. If i can only imagine what it would be like if the object of my binjing desire was not available or simply did not exist.  then choose that route. Come home and relax before moving forward with the rest of my evening, plan out exercise regimines.

feel: stuffed

inspirations: my friend teresa, the marathoner.  watching her do her workout routines and seeing her dedication and healthy lifestyle.  seeing how see aims to improve her diet.  all revolving around her marathoning.

weight:

calories: 1635

accomplishments: did not go out to eat.  did not eat anything sweet.  did some exercises on the balance ball. Stayed in a pretty good mood all day. came home after work. did my pm chores.

areas to improve on:  set limits for computer time.  Relax after work. really relax.  clear and calm mind and body.  do a more structured workout routine plus cardio.  think about what you would like to do and do things that are meaningful to you

feel: tired

weight: 182

calories: 3290 (+1690)

accomplishments:  well, i blew up my balance ball and did a few exercises.  i woke up in a fairly good mood. i have some resolve sparked back up this evening and a plan to use a diary to help plan my day better so that i live according to the things that i love.  hopefully to cut down on wasting time with things that are meaningless to me.  had organic trail mix as a snack instead of something processed.

areas to improve:  overeating.  was ok until the trail mix.  there’s that snacking urge immediatley after finishing a meal again.  i think i will quit with the eating out after work for a while. i think i would be more relaxed coming home at the end of the day and accomplish more goals at home that way. i’ll stop at the grocery and get fresh veggies/ fruits and a can of annies ravioli instead.  with the main goal being to eat at home rather than out.

I have good intentions, but my days tend to repeat themselves.  so i need to come up with a system to keep me on track so i can instill some new habits and make lasting changes.

feel:  bloated.

i’m really feeling good, almost proud you could say that I went to the gym after work, just like i had planned.

i even did 20 mins of cardio before hitting the weights like i had planned and it was not nearly so painful as i would have thought . in fact it went by quite quick.   i’ve noticed that since i started lifting weights again, the weight is finally starting to slip away.  little by little, but it’s good to finally see a difference on the scale.

i’ll keep it up.

I just need to commit to cooking dinner at home rather than eating out all the time.  I make reasonably healthy choices , but over all i’m sure i eat more than i need.  Some day i’ll be healthy and happy again.  someday.

  I’m 33 yrs old, unmarried, no kids.  Single as can be.  I live alone, just with pets.  i have a full time stable steady job and a house.  I’ve been struggling with weight since i was about 9 or 10.  how sad…  It sounds like a lonely existance.  my family lives in town though and i see them fairly often.  my sisterin law has sort of irritated me as of late, but mostly everyone gets along.  i have a few good friends.  but that’s just me i guess, more the homebody/ wallflower type than the social butterfly.  but i suspect that my wieght problem keeps me shut in more often than i would be if i were not so self conscious of my body and appearance. 

i keep trucking along, or stringing along with this weight loss dream.  Not making much progress, but i can’t give up.  if i give up there’s nothing to look forward too!

like many people, i tend to start the day out ok, but the evenings are the hardest to get by without throwing resolve out the window.

my obstacle is trying to figure out how to change my behaviors in the evening when i’m mentally and physically beat down.  it’s the reason i seek out food for comfort and escape.  I don’t think that this is a good way to be.  i think we should make the most of our time on earth.  but i’m sort of caught in  a destructive cycle.

I know that if i just ‘do something different’ it will get me out of that cycle.  but sigh, it’s just that i’m not even in any state of mind to think to myself that i need to stop and think.  There are different things i can do.  for instance, i could go home and prepare a soothing cup of tea and have a snack, then lay down for a little while.  it’s hard cuz as soon as i come home after work, theres the chores and the pets to tend too.  and all the home repair and redecorating that i hope to do that will someday make this house a pleasant retreat to come home too.  but there too is a catch 22–i’m to weary and beat to put forth the mental and physical energy needed to complete or start any project.

As i write this im becoming more aware of a recurrent truth about my self:

that i’m mentally and physically just plain worn out from life.

of course i’m aware of this, just not of it’s impact on my life.  But still there is the question of what do i do from here?  Some of the things i currently do are get on line, sit and read, watch TV.  Sitting and reading seems to give me the most peaceful outcome. followed by watching TV and last by getting on line.  I think because i can just waste away a day by getting online.  Procrastination i guess.  i dont use it for looking up reference on any thing.  usually just a method of avoidance of my responsibilities and goals….

I’m not exactly sure what the right path or next step will be, but  i know that if i come home, lay down for a while, drink a cup of tea, and DON”T eat, it rejuvenates me a lot more than other choices i make.  I also have some supplements to take that i think make me feel more rejuvenated, mainly the micro algea and the adrenal supps.