the binge eater diaries

like many people, i tend to start the day out ok, but the evenings are the hardest to get by without throwing resolve out the window.

my obstacle is trying to figure out how to change my behaviors in the evening when i’m mentally and physically beat down.  it’s the reason i seek out food for comfort and escape.  I don’t think that this is a good way to be.  i think we should make the most of our time on earth.  but i’m sort of caught in  a destructive cycle.

I know that if i just ‘do something different’ it will get me out of that cycle.  but sigh, it’s just that i’m not even in any state of mind to think to myself that i need to stop and think.  There are different things i can do.  for instance, i could go home and prepare a soothing cup of tea and have a snack, then lay down for a little while.  it’s hard cuz as soon as i come home after work, theres the chores and the pets to tend too.  and all the home repair and redecorating that i hope to do that will someday make this house a pleasant retreat to come home too.  but there too is a catch 22–i’m to weary and beat to put forth the mental and physical energy needed to complete or start any project.

As i write this im becoming more aware of a recurrent truth about my self:

that i’m mentally and physically just plain worn out from life.

of course i’m aware of this, just not of it’s impact on my life.  But still there is the question of what do i do from here?  Some of the things i currently do are get on line, sit and read, watch TV.  Sitting and reading seems to give me the most peaceful outcome. followed by watching TV and last by getting on line.  I think because i can just waste away a day by getting online.  Procrastination i guess.  i dont use it for looking up reference on any thing.  usually just a method of avoidance of my responsibilities and goals….

I’m not exactly sure what the right path or next step will be, but  i know that if i come home, lay down for a while, drink a cup of tea, and DON”T eat, it rejuvenates me a lot more than other choices i make.  I also have some supplements to take that i think make me feel more rejuvenated, mainly the micro algea and the adrenal supps.