Just the weigh I am.

I ended off the year weighing 209 on December 29th when I last weighed myself. Since then I tried a bit more, but New Year’s Eve stuffed my face again full of lobster dip and crackers, a turkey dinner, homemade cookies, and chocolate cheesecake.

January 2nd:
206.6

Fuck yeah. Happy Freakin’ 2009.
ONEderland by the end of the month is my current goal.

A review for myself of 2009’s weight loss.
- January, I decided it was time to lose weight after reaching my heaviest weight ever.
- February, I started Nutrisystem.
- By mid summer, lost 30 pounds.
- By the end of the summer, gained 20 pounds back.
- Fluctuating from September to early December, lost 16 pounds.
- Holidays, gained 5 pounds.
- The new year: started losing again.

So if you haven’t noticed already, I neglect this diet blog when I am not being successful. It really should be the other way around since support from readers are beneficial and can help me in the right diet direction. Alas, I am self destructive most of the time.

I had a nice Christmas. However, a list of the things I’ve eaten in the past week are not so good.

• 10oz steak and mashed potatoes for Christmas dinner.
• Cookies at the faculty party, as well as a bagel that morning with cream cheese.
• Vegetable platters twice, but didn’t go too easy on the ranch dip.
• 5 pinwheels
• My grandmother’s lasagna, some meatballs, sausage, and a dinner roll yesterday for Christmas #2.
• Taco Bell (nachos and a fresco burrito) Friday night when Josh and I were staying up.
• Way too much French Vanilla coffee. We got a new coffee maker for Christmas. HALF AND HALF IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
• A wrap from Country Rotisserie.

209.0 at the moment. I guess it could be worse, but it’s still a substantial gain. Probably take me another week to get back to where I was at 204. But for once I’m not upset. I enjoyed my holiday and it was quite a melancholy time as it was my last Christmas here in America and my family for probably a few years. I didn’t need to worry about my diet too.

I hope everyone else had a nice Christmas. Keep up the good work, sisterchicks!

I’ve been told that I should update. I guess it’s true. Oh boy have I got a lot of crap to cover.

I last posted the week before Thanksgiving and then I disappeared for two weeks. Coincidence? No.

Thanksgiving went well. I decided that since it was going to be my last Thanksgiving here in America for a while that I would forget about my diet and enjoy my thanksgiving. Was that smart of me? Probably not. Was I just making more excuses? Definitely.

Thanksgiving was nice, though. I ended up trying to fill myself up on the veggie platter before dinner and it really worked. I had a good amount of turkey and small portions of mashed potatoes, stuffing, and corn. The good thing was that dinner rolls were accidentally forgotten or that would’ve been a disaster. I also had a tiny slice of my grandmother’s pumpkin pie because, come on, you have to eat Grammy’s pumpkin pie.

So what was the damage? I gained ONE pound on Thanksgiving. I was so incredibly proud of myself. So what did I do? I decided I was going to enjoy my weekend with Josh and gained FIVE MORE POUNDS. Good job, Caitlin.

I didn’t tell this to him, though. I decided I was going to just forget that Thanksgiving week ever happened and I would just lose all the weight again. If I can gain it in 3 days I can certainly lose it in 7, can’t I? I was so ashamed of myself but for the first time in a long time I did something about it instead of just telling myself I already messed up and ate more.

I lost all six pounds this week. Actually, 6.2 pounds.

I was on the way home from dropping my sister off at her class last night and Josh decided he wanted McDonalds so I drove him there. I didn’t get anything but the topic came up about my weight and he started saying all these things about how I don’t really have much time left until the wedding and I really need to get my ass into gear and he’s just trying to make sure I don’t fail because he doesn’t want to see me upset again.

So I told him all of the above. I told him how I was ashamed that I had gained the weight and that I just lost it all. He was upset that I had my own silent victory and wished that I shared it with him while it was happening. Then I realized: to me it wasn’t a victory at all. It was me screwing up again. He helped me to see that even though I messed up it was a step in the right direction. He told me that he was very proud of me and apologized for his previous statements. It was a really nice talk and it made me realize that sometimes I don’t allow myself to be proud of myself and I should just share things with him so that he can help me to be proud of myself. Also, we decided that he needs to try to eat a little bit better so that I don’t have any temptation whatsoever and I need to help him do this, as well.

I’m doing well. I will reach goal weight by the wedding. Even though I had a lost week, I still lost 2/10 of a pound so it really wasn’t all that lost, was it? I can do it…

The scale read 204.6 yesterday morning.
Today is read 207.0, which I deemed impossible.

I ate absolutely nothing wrong yesterday. What’s the deal?
I’m so upset. Days like this make me want to give up.

Perhaps my new scale is a bit more testy than I thought. Maybe it’s just super sensitive. If I use it on carpet compared to a hard floor there’s almost a 20 pound difference. That’s what I’ll keep telling myself. The scale is wrong. I look good. Eh, I can’t believe myself - who am I kidding?

I’m trying so hard. I should at least not gain anything.

I forgot to write my weight on the day I got my new scale: 205.7! Not too bad.

Now I’m 205.0! So close to ONEderland!

My sleep schedule has been messed up lately for multiple reasons. It stinks. Blah.

I finally got a new scale today. I absolutely love it. It’s pretty and made of glass. It also calculates to one decimal place so I can see progress even more. Perhaps the best thing about it is that it also uses Kilograms. I want to get used to that since I am going to NZ soon and that’s what they use there. Plus now Josh can weigh himself and realize what it means.

205!!

Up to 25 pounds lost!
I’m getting somewhere.

ONEderland, here I come.

207!
Now I’m back on track.

I think today I am going to buy a better scale. Mine is old and sometimes takes a couple tries for it to work. Also, I am weighing myself so much that I think it would be good to have a scale that is accurate to a decimal place. I bet then I’d see even more progress.

Yesterday all I ate was a small salad at the diner. I woke up late and went to bed pretty early and while I was awake I was nauseous and busy. Hopefully my nausea yesterday helped make up for the Olive Garden breadsticks and energy drink on Saturday. I had gained weight yesterday morning and it wasn’t cool. I also have a feeling that my scale is not a very good one and isn’t too accurate so I might be getting myself a new one within the next couple days. I’ve been weighing myself every morning so it would definitely get some use. Today I don’t foresee going off my diet at all. My meals are all planned out and my lunch is packed for work. Tomorrow I’m off from work, though, so I will have to keep myself busy so I don’t get bored.

208.

I went out with a bunch of my friends from high school tonight. I had an absolutely fabulous time. We went to Olive Garden. All I ate was salad. Everyone else had entrees and I felt left out but then I was like I AM HAVING SALAD OH YEAH!! I did eat a breadstick or two, though. I could’ve done worse, though. Way worse. I’m pleased with my not giving into temptation tonight.

I didn’t want my night to end, though, and I ended up doing this:

Energy drinks don’t help my diet but oh well.

I completed my 101 things to do in 1001 days list today. I am really excited about it. I have a couple diet goals on there. I’ve almost completed the first one - lose 25 pounds.

I’m going strong.
I need more blogs here at 3fc to add to my blogroll.