Just the weigh I am.

It snowed today! It was really nice. I had a really great day, too. I feel surprisingly good after going to the gym yesterday. All that hurt was my ankle, and it’s my bad ankle so a lot of the time it hurts anyway, especially in the cold/bad weather. The snow could’ve been it but I’d be lying if I said I thought the gym didn’t intensify the pain.

Anyway.

Breakfast:
- fat free yogurt
- nutrisystem granola

Lunch:
- nutrisystem minestrone soup
- 2 natural applesauces

Snack:
- 5 dill pickles
- cottage cheese
- 3 pieces of salami and american cheese (FAIL)

Why do I always fail at after school snacks?
I really need to find a new snack.

Dinner:
- nutrisystem lasagna
- salad with fat free ranch

Snack:
- nutrisystem hot cocoa

3 waters today. Possibly 4 by this evening.

Gym day was a super huge success. Josh and I feel absolutely amazing, even though I know we’ll both feel it in the morning. I’m looking forward to that point where I don’t feel it anymore and I’m fit. Going to the gym made me remember a time when being thinner and more fit made me happier and have more energy. I am craving that now.

Josh and I are going to Olive Garden tonight to celebrate my new camera and our gym endeavor. Salad, of course.

Today. Not bad. Getting there.

I know already that I’ve lost weight this week and I’m dying to weigh myself on Saturday morning.

Breakfast:
- nutrisystem granola
- fat free yogurt

Snack:
- 2 natural applesauces

Lunch:
- nutrisystem chicken salad
- melba toast

Dinner:
- Olive Garden Salad!

Tomorrow is the day that Josh and I have settled on going to the gym. Yell at me if that doesn’t happen.

I tried to drink less water today and see how I felt. A commenter on my last entry mentioned I could be flushing my system and not getting the nutrients I need. Perhaps she is right. Also, it reminded me to take my multivitamin since I’ve been neglecting to do so.

Another nice tidbit of the day. My camera came today and I’m super excited. Would it be cheesy to post my 365 picture here every day? Is anyone interested to see that? If you don’t know, 365days is a project on Flickr where you take a photo of yourself every day for a year. I’m on day 77.

Well, here’s day 77, nonetheless.

Today’s menu:

Breakfast:
- fat free yogurt
- nutrisystem granola
- a banana

Lunch:
- 2 natural applesauces
- nutrisystem vegetable beef soup

* I had no after work snack today. Are you proud? I distracted myself instead.

Dinner:
- salad with fat free ranch dressing
- nutrisystem pasta alfredo with chicken

Snack:
- nutrisystem lemon blueberry bar

Beverages:
- 2 bottles of water, probably 1 or 2 more by tonight’s end

I get better every day.

I am just so freaking thirsty all the time. It’s almost an unnatural amount and it’s starting to worry me. I’m also just feeling ravenous. I’m always hungry.

Breakfast:
- 2 natural cinnamon applesauces
- nutrisystem chocolate chip scone

Lunch:
- nutrisystem chicken a la king

Snack:
- 6 dill pickles
- cottage cheese
- a few slices of cheddar cheese (FAIL)

Dinner:
- nutrisystem tacos
- salad with fat free ranch dressing

Snack:
- nutrisystem hot cocoa

Beverages:
- 4 water bottles, probably a few more by the end of the evening

I need to stop being generous with the portions of my after work snack. I just have to be a little bit more controlled since dinner is not far off by the time I get home. New goal: distract myself as much as possible after work so as not to eat much.

When I stopped to think about it, this week wasn’t as bad as I thought. I never weighed myself last weekend and last weekend was a bit of a diet disaster so that’s why I weighed so much yesterday. I need to stop worrying. I also need to stop obsessing over the scale, as one of my commenters suggested.

Yesterday was a bit of slip up again. I had a bit of a breakdown for various reasons and then the next thing I knew, I was at Applebees with Josh. All I’m going to say about last night is that it could have been worse, and I turned down my favorite chips and ice cream later in the night. To me, small victories like this are important.

Now for today, which was also a success.
Woke up late so didn’t have lunch.

Breakfast:
- nutrisystem cereal
- 1/2 cup low fat milk

Dinner:
- nutrisystem steak with noodles and teriyaki sauce
- salad with fat free ranch dressing

Snack:
- nutrisystem snack bar

* I will allow myself to eat my nutrisystem lunch later if I’m still awake and hungry. Or maybe tomatoes with a little cottage cheese.

Also, something else noteworthy: Josh and I are going to start going to the gym this week.

How is it possible that I gained weight this week? The only day I slipped up was last night and I only had a little bit of ice cream. There is no way I can be over a pound heavier than last week. No freaking way. Theoretically, I should have lost a few pounds this week.

I’m very discouraged.
On the verge of being pretty depressed.
Can stress make you gain weight?

207.2

No such thing as “meals” on weekends, really.
Only woke up after 1pm.

Today:
- nutrisystem chicken salad
- melba toast
- 2 plum tomatoes
- 3 tablespoons of cottage cheese
- & nutrisystem dinner later
- 2 poland spring water bottles (probably 2 more before sleep)

I was so exhausted yesterday I didn’t write. But I was a good girl, I promise. Yesterday I didn’t stray from my diet at all.

Now today, on the other hand:

Breakfast:
- nutrisystem blueberry muffins

Lunch:
- nutrisystem chocolate grahm bar

Dinner:
- Olive Garden salad
- 2 breadsticks

Snack:
- ice cream… FAIL

Beverages:
- 3 poland spring waters
- half a raspberry iced tea at olive garden… moderate fail
- starbucks energy drink… FAIL

Today was Friday and I rewarded myself a little bit, but I went overboard with the ice cream and the energy drink at the end of the night. Right back on track tomorrow morning. I won’t dwell on this like other times. I am pretty confident I still lost weight this week, despite my carelessness today. Today I didn’t have any fruit or snacks to bring with me so I was starving all day and then overindulged when I got home. Lesson learned.

I decided I’m weighing myself once a week on Saturday mornings. That way I won’t obsess over my weight all week. Okay. Doing better still. Keep going.

Thanks for the kind comments in the last post. It really helps.

Today was hard for me. I’ve been pretty stressed lately. The gross weather today didn’t help. My eye won’t stop twitching either. Then I had a breakdown and cried a little bit on the car ride home to Josh. He was very understanding.

I wanted more than anything to go get something and stuff my face, but I didn’t. Josh was kind to me and we went and got more tomatoes and came home.

Well, on to today’s menu. I think this is helping.

Breakfast:
- nutrisystem lemon poppy seed muffins
- 60 calorie yogurt
- a sugar free applesauce

Lunch:
- nutrisystem pasta with beef
- 2 sugar free applesauces

Snack:
- 3 small plumb tomatoes
- 3 tablespoons of cottage cheese (WOOT)
- 3 slices of cheddar cheese

Dinner:
- nutrisystem pasta thing
- a salad with fat free ranch dressing

Snack:
- nutrisystem chocolate chip cookie

Drinks:
- 3 bottles of poland spring
(probably at least 1 more before bed)

Not bad, especially for it being such an emotionally exhausting day.

My mood was a little bit better today, although I did have a sinus headache that refused to go away no matter what I did.

I’ve been SO parched lately. What the hell is up with that? I’m thirsty ALL day and can never quench it.

Starting to write down today. I’m getting serious. Hopefully writing down what I’ve eaten, even if most of it is Nutrisystem, will probably help me.

Breakfast:
- raspberry fat free yogurt
- nutrisystem poppy seed muffins

Lunch:
- nutrisystem pasta and chicken in sauce
- 2 little sugar free mango-pear applesauces

Snack: (FAIL)
- 2 tomatoes
- too much cottage cheese
* At least my intentions were good today. Today’s lesson: don’t take the entire container of cottage cheese with you. Put some on the plate.

Dinner:
- 2 bites of Josh’s bbq pizza
- nutrisystem pizza
- salad with 2 tbsp. fat free ranch

Snack:
- nutrisystem chocolate bar

Drinks:
- 5 poland spring water bottles

Not too bad so far. The first day can’t be absolutely perfect but this was really close. I am pleased.

I have decided that Josh is a horrible influence for my diet. He just makes excuses for me. He’s not being vindictive, he’s just trying to be nice to me.

Oh, you had a hard day, lets get some ice cream!
It’s the end of vacation! Lets drink some energy drinks! (Ahhh pure sugar!)

All very nice, but very unnecessary for me to partake in while trying to diet. I don’t have the willpower to just say no. I have a hard enough time not making excuses for myself, and now he’s making them for me. Oh well.

Friday night? I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Saturday night? I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and ate Doritos later.
Sunday afternoon? I ate a huge cheeseburger, fries, and onion rings.
Monday afternoon? We went to Quiznos and I got a large sub and chili.

I need to start writing this down just to show myself how absolutely hurtful I am being to myself, both physically and emotionally. I need to write this down so I can stop making excuses. This is how it is and it needs to change. I’m not going to even say that “from here, I try” anymore because I keep letting myself down. I’m going to start taking it day by day and being accountable for everything that enters my mouth. That’s all I’m promising. Maybe being accountable here will help me get my ass in gear. Maybe. Hopefully.

170 days until my wedding.
Seriously.