Well, hello to my new world anyway. I officially entered my new world on February 14th, 2010, so I am considering this a Valentine’s Day present to myself. I’ve been overweight for the vast majority of my life (4th grade on) and I’ve been on a zillion different diets. Obviously none of them have worked long-term because I always end up right back where I started, plus 50 or so pounds. After going through this time after time after time, I finally just gave up and accepted that I would always be fat and that if this was the case, I better just learn to love it. And so I did. I stopped thinking about what I was eating and just ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I relished the time I spent hanging out with my fat friends because it gave me even more of an excuse to overindulge. I just learned to live my life content being fat. In fact, I even made peace with the idea that I might remain unmarried the rest of my days and I convinced myself I was okay with that. Of course that was until I met my husband. He’s really unlike any other guy I’ve ever met and he’s a total straight-shooter. It wasn’t long before we fell in love and got married. He met me fat and loves me and finds me attractive; however, I’ve found that I’m now the one who is not content with my physical appearance. And it’s not only that. Despite being a fat kid, I was always super active and played team sports all through my childhood. I could get around with the best of them and thought nothing of walking all over the French Quarter or spending a whole day out shopping. I’d hear stories from others much smaller than I who would talk about running out of breath just walking to the mailbox or having trouble making their way through the entire grocery store… that wasn’t me… at least not always. While I still consider myself fairly active for my size, I’m not nearly as active as I once was and I’m starting to feel the impact of years of excess weight on my body. I’ll still spend hours out shopping and on my feet, but at the end of the day my legs are killing me. My husband and I spent our anniversary weekend in a small town and one day we walked about 2 miles just going up and down Main Street looking in all the little shops. That night my legs were so sore and stiff that it took all I had just to get off the couch and walk to the bathroom. At 36 I felt like an 80-year old woman. That first weekend in February was my eye-opener and I set February 14th as the day my new life would begin. This time I’m doing it for the right reasons. This time I’m not doing it because I want to look better for the opposite sex or because of societal pressures. This time I’m doing it because I want a longer, healthier life for myself and I want to keep enjoying the things that make me happy. I don’t want my knees to completely give out and render me largely immobile. I don’t want to keep paying for two airline tickets every time I want to fly. I don’t want to have to think about every aspect of something as simple as going out to eat because I’m worried they won’t have seating to accommodate me. I don’t want to pass on events with friends because I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I don’t want to spend loads of time driving around looking for closer parking because I’m scared to make the long walk. I’m just sick of living in this body. It has been good to me and put up with my abuse – now it’s my turn to be good to it.
I signed up for the Weight Watcher monthly pass online and then I attended my first meeting on February 13th. I wasn’t sure exactly what I weighed before going in, but I thought I had a pretty good idea. Boy was I wrong. I weighed over 25lbs more than my worst-case scenario. I was absolutely stunned. Throughout the first meeting I just kept looking at the little sticker in my book and kept wondering how this had happened. All I know now is that I’m determined to NEVER see that number again. I’ve now been to three meetings and have lost 5.6 lbs in total. It was hard not to be disappointed at first, but I just had to tell myself that the little amounts will all add up. I’ve been on diets before where I lost over 10 lbs in the first week, but those were very short-term losses. So, if I have to lose it slow to keep it off for good, that’s what I’ll do. It might take me a few years to get to my goal, but those years will pass whether I’m eating healthier or not, so I’ll just take it one day at a time.
I intend for this journal to not only chronicle my thoughts, victories, and struggles, but to also chronicle my weight loss progress. Typing these numbers out won’t be the easiest thing I’ve done, but confronting them head-on is much better than being in the dark. At least now I know what I’m dealing with. My hope is that this will help keep me honest and accountable to myself. I also plan to include pictures – hopefully this weekend.
452.6 lbs February 13, 2010
448.6 lbs February 20, 2010
447.0 lbs February 28, 2010