It’s going on and on..RollerCoster Time…huh
So it seems like I have a routine now in my brain…when I’m driving home from work.
I got music turned on, and once I’m in the highway or so, I lit a cig. (Yes.. I smoke… I’m planning on quitting… SOON hopefully.. Especially with the tax going on next month!)
When I’m done with cig, I start thinking about my weight..over and over and over…
I’ve been stuck at the 170’s for so long.
I don’t feel like giving up. I just feel like.. this is where I’m supposed to be.
When I was pregnant, I went down to 165 but that was because I couldn’t eat…then when I had my DD, I was 175. 175 is still less than what I weighed before pregnancy. I hit 203, down to 176..Then I went up the roof to 208 when I was satisfied in a relationship.
This is first time I ever really worked out. I hated PE class when I was in school.
I think I used like one week of gym when I had 2 year membership for Bally’s. You get the picture.
Now I run every day. I do Taebo or some other workout dvd everyday. The minimum is 5 days a week. Great. Yes. I feel my bicep even when I’m not flexing my arms. Woohoo! (can you hear sarcasm in my voice?)
So what’s going on with my size? What’s going on with my weight?
Started at 178 in January of this year again. I’m only at 177 now. Well, I was on Monday. With the weight going up and down, I wasted 2 moonth!
Now the problem is… yes I am frustrated but it’s not getting me mad anymore.
Maybe that’s a good thing… not having all or nothing mind…
But I also feel like… well, more worried that I am thinking if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, oh well it doesn’t. I am just gonna work out..eat healthy… That’s what seems to be on the back of my mind.
Eating healthy and working out is great and all but what happened to that urgency I used to have? That “I NEED THIS!” feeling.
I have goal. I have motivation. California in August/September. Family visit in July.
So why am I like Blahhhh…
I gotta go pee… finishing my bottle to get the 64 oz in..and fill it up once more to make it 96 so I can finish it on the way home..
Maybe i will weigh myself tomorrow morning…hopefully that moved down little bit. If it went up… I may really break that darn stupid scale!