Why do I lose control and EAT EAT EAT????

Last night, I knew I was going to drink. I accepted that there would be alcohol calories. No problem. I planned that.

So, Christine and I were out at the bar, and she looks at a menu. I didn’t want anything. No problem. Didn’t even consider it. She picks a salad (which I still don’t see how it was actually called a salad cuz it was a million calories) and when she ordered, mentioned something about me having some too. The bartender took that to mean that he should put it in two bowls. Basically, since he knows me, he hooked us up with TWO big salads. A little bit of lettuce, TONS of feta cheese, walnuts, dried cranberries, pear slices, tomatos. It was absolutely the yummiest “salad” I have ever had. I wouldn’t have had any, but I couldn’t pass up the bowl right in front of me. I ate every bite, covered with white zinfandel dressing. That, along with about 1000 alcohol calories, was not a good night. I had an ok time though. Not great, but fun enough.

Then, today I started right. I had a FiberOne granola bar with an apple. Then, Christine and I went to get coffee. No problems there. But she wanted to stop at the cafe next door to get a sandwich to take home. No problems there. I wasn’t interested, and I didn’t order anything. We go home .. she eats half … offers me some and I say no thanks. Still no problem. Then she takes off and leaves half the sandwich in my fridge. BIG PROBLEM! I chowed it. And even though it was half, it was big. Chicken salad with cranberries and cheese and walnuts. It was delicious. But I didn’t even stop there. I ate a bunch of cocktail peanuts … handfuls of them. I couldn’t stop. I actually came on here to stop myself.

I think that I am ok now. Maybe a 40 calorie Sugar Free fudgsicle, but that’s it.

I am dreading this Monday weigh-in. I feel like old habits are creeping back in a big way. I’ve had soooo many slips this past week. I am trying to maintain my weight, not lose any, so in my head I am rationalizing these slip-ups as ok. But if I keep going like this, I’ll end up right where I started. Gotta get back on track.

Maybe I’ll do some cleaning to keep busy.

Nah …. I am exhausted. I am going to lie around and watch TV for a while, then I’ll do something active later. I deserve a rest. I worked hard yesterday.