I’ve decided that I am finally ready to share my story. I am ready to explain where my man is and why he can’t be home with me. None of my friends and family know about this site, so I should feel comfortable writing anything I want without being judged. Here goes:

Jay and I met February 5, 2005 at a SuperBowl party. We talked throughout the game. I thought he was cute. He asked for my number. I said no. I’m not quite sure why. I left at half-time to go to another party, but the other party was so lame that I returned to the first one. He asked for my number again. This time I told him he could have it if our team, the Patriots, won. The Patriots won, I gave him my number, and we’ve now been together for three and a half years.

Jay is a good guy. He really is. But he has a bad boy history. Drugs, court cases, probation, etc. I’ve kept him in line, and his bad boy behavior and bad boy friends are a thing of the past. Unfortunately, he has a court case from 1999 that has been haunting him this whole time. He’s been on probation only because he had a lot of money to pay, and he wasn’t able to pay it. He has a daughter that he pays $600/month in child supprt for. And he was supposed to pay $150/week to court on top of that. Not to mention normal expenses like rent, bills, food, etc.

Jay is a mason. When there is work, money is good. But winters are very tough. And this summer has been very tough because no one is building anymore. He works as much as he can, but it has been so inconsistent. Not enough to pay $1200/month for child support and court. Not on top of rent and other expenses. So, he chose to pay child support regularly but couldn’t keep up with court fees. And it’s not like he even owes a huge amount anymore. In 1999, he owed $13,000. He got it down to $2000. (And he wasn’t paying a cent during the early 2000’s because he was still in his bad boy phase.) He was doing his best.

He had a court date on August 13th to review his probation. His probation officer and the head probation officer were very understanding. They had no real problem with him. They recommended to the judge that his probation be extended until he could come up with the last $2000. Well …. Jay got the worst judge on the worst day. And that’s exactly what the probation officer said to me. He sentenced Jay to 6 months in jail. The PO was actually apologizing to me, saying that it never should have happened.

I was in shock. I couldn’t beleive what I was hearing. They took him away right in front of me. We didn’tget to say goodbye. I was numb. I was in a state of complete disbelief.

So, right now I am not with Jay because he is in jail. Even though they said 6 months, he should be home by November 11th at the latest. But that’s a very long time. The longest we have gone apart in 3 1/2 years is only a few nights. Our worlds have been turned upside-down.

We get to talk on the phone every day. And I got to visit for 45 minutes today for the first time. He looks ok. He sounds ok. He seems to be handling everything ok. Some days seem harder than others … for both of us. It seems like something that we can handle for a week or so, but months??? I don’t know how we’re going to make it though this. He doesn’t deserve this. He is a good guy. He was trying his best. At least he no longer owes that $2000. Unfortunately, how is he supposed to pay $600/month in child support when he’s locked up? I’m going to pay some of it but I can’t take over the whole $600 when I am stuck paying all the other bills and rent alone. I don’t want him to have trouble with family court when he gets out for not paying all the child support. It’s a really tricky deal.

Here’s another hard aspect of this … I’m not telling anyone. Not my family or friends or neighbors. People are really going to start noticing he’s gone. Especially when he misses a family wedding we are supposed to go to. I just don’t want anyone to know, because I don’t think that My friends and family are so protective of me, and they would totally judge him based on this. I have to keep it to myself. I think that I am going to tell them he went to stay with his aunt in Maine for a month or so because he knew he had steady work up there. I think they might buy that story. I hate to lie, but it’s so much easier than dealing with their judgements for the rest of my relationship with Jay, which hopefully will be forever.

Anyway, I can’t write anymore about this right now. It’s bringing me down thinking about it, but I am happy to have my story out there.

Now to talk about food. I totally splurged today on the way home from my visit.

McDonalds!!!!  two cheeseburgers and a medium fries

Soooooo unhealthy. But sooooo yummy. The only other thing I ate was a turkey sandwich. And I plan on having a 100 calorie ice cream sandwich. I’ll actually still be around 1500 calories for the day. But it’s sad that about 1000 of them were in one fatty, greasy, yummy meal!!!

Thanks for listening to my story. I can be honest here. It’s nice.