I haven’t been writing faithfully every day. I’ve been busy. Working a lot of overtime. Cousin’s baby shower. Went out with my best friend since childhood and my sister last night. Still just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off my man.

I ate lasagna, birthday cake, and one appetizer of filet wrapped in bacon at the baby shower.  I had to eat there because I had people watching me, thinking that I am losing too much weight. It’s so weird to be in that category where people are concerned about you losing too much. I’ve always had extra pounds. It’s like I don’t know what to do now that I don’t. Anyway, I used portion control, and I ate healthy for breakfast, and skipped dinner cuz that meal happened around 4pm.

I did go out with my friend last night though, like I mentioned before. All day, I had been wearing my favorite Bath and Body Works cucumber lotion. I love the scent! So when I looked at the martini menu at the bar, the Cucumber Martini sounded perfect to me. And it was very good …. but it’s been a very long time since ONE drink has gotten me buzzed! It was a huge martini though, and it was straight gin …. cucumber and rose petal infused gin. Yummy! It was nice to go out on a Saturday night again like a normal person. To forget that my man is gone for a few hours.

I actually ran into a friend that I dated a long time ago. Someone that I am still in contact with, but don’t see often. I think that I kinda ditched my friend (well, my sister was with her at this point so I didn’t leave her alone) and talked with him for the rest of the night. I was way buzzed by that point. Two and a half drinks, but strong ones. I hope I didn’t make a fool of myself to Chris. It was good to see him again.

What do you do when you like the number on the scale, but aren’t happy with your body? I mean, I’m happy, but I don’t understand how I can still have a flabby belly and flabby ass, have no boobs left, and have my ribs actually sticking out. How do I lose the belly and ass without losing more weight? In order to maintain, I calculated on Daily Plate that I can eat 1800 calories a day. I don’t want to lose more weight, but I am definitely not eating 1800 calories a day right now. 1500 at most. I am trying to eat healthy, but I am not trying to lose anymore. This is such uncharted territory for me. I hope that you all still accept me here even though I am not battling weight anymore at the moment. I will always be trying to improve my body. I think that I might have to start exercising consistently to work on that belly and ass., I look okay in clothes (except for the fact that my boobs completely disappeared), but I want a tight body. I’m 30 and have been flabby for my whole life. Is it too late??

By the way, I’m the one on the left in the picture. It’s not my best picture, but it’s one of my thinnest. It was taken at a baby shower yesterday. I look short, but my sister and I are actally both 5′5″ …. she has heels and I have flip-flops on. She’s always been thinner than me … I think I caught up to her.