It’s 4am, and I am struggling through another overnight shift. I’ve been doing A LOT of overnights lately. Actually, tonight I offered to work overtime. I wasn’t supposed to work until Saturday, but with all the pain and stress I am going through, I thought that I would be better off staying busy. I talked to my man tonight briefly. We love each other so much, but I am honestly not sure what the future holds. I just know that I miss him so much that my heart physically hurts. It’s like there is a weight on my chest that I can’t seem to shake.
Anyway, my plan for the day was to go running on the beach. Unfortunately, signing up for this overtime shift ruined those plans. It’s takes close to 45 minutes to get to the beach from where I am living right now. I didn’t have time. Maybe when I wake up later on today.
I ate almost nothing yesterday. No appetite. I know that my appetite will get better with time. But for now, I just don’t feel like eating at all. Who knows. Maybe heartache is good for one thing … weightloss!
I look in the mirror and I’m starting to feel thin for the first time in my life. I have NEVER used the word thin to describe myself, but then again, I’ve never been under 125 lbs before. (Yes, I don’t usually list weights unless it’s an official Monday weigh-in, but unofficially I am under 125 lbs!!!) I think I would like to go down another 5 or so pounds, and that’s all. But I really need to tone up. I still have flab. I can’t believe that I could be under 120 lbs at some point! That is something I never imagined. Being at a “thin” weight. CRAZY!!! Don’t worry … I’m far from “skinny”. I won’t go too far. Maybe I’ll see if I can take bikini pictures of myself with my camera’s self-timer. I don’t have a single bikini picture of myself in my entire life (maybe because I never wore them!). Now is a better time than any to start.
Okay …. it’s almost 4:30 am. Almost time to start giving out everyone’s blood pressure meds. Better finish up some paperwork. I’ll update later …. after that run on the beach …. I hope!!
I read your blog and remember the first time I lost weight. I weighed 229lbs, and I ended up going through a divorce. I lost about 30lbs in about three months because I just couldn’t eat. My co-workers (I worked at an elementary school, and my husband asked for a divorce in the middle of summer- 4th of July to be exact)thought I looked “great” and wanted to know what I did to lose all my weight. I told them, jokingly, that had I known that divorce would look “this good” on me, I would have done it a long time before I did. Not that this was how I felt at the time, but it was easier to joke about the pain than look at it eye-to-eye. So, to make a long story…well, long (sorry)….. I just wanted you to know that, yes, heartache will “help” you in your weightloss endeavors. Just remember…. and I know you have probably heard this A LOT…. not eating, especially when running 4 miles, is not healthy weight loss…. and chances of gaining that weight back is very high.
August 15, 2008 @ 7:14 pmOk, enough nagging from a perfect stranger. Good luck on your weight loss. Sounds like you are ALMOST there!!!! As for me, I am starting over today…. having gained all my previous weight back, along with about 13 extra pounds. It is nice to know that there are others out “there” just like me…. as I am sure you understand. Keep up the good work, and try to find some healthy outlets for the heartbreak (like your running), and find some healthy comfort foods (strangely enough orange sherbert and watermelon are my comfort foods of choice). Know that there are people out there rooting for you and hoping the best for you!!!