Committed

I started this blog in 2007, and here I am, well into 2009 writing that I am still really unhappy about my weight, and even more unhappy about my inaction to do anything at all to change it.  My weight has gone down a few pounds since my peak weight of 212 in January 2007; however not much.  Yesterday I weighed in at 202.8, and I’ve been losing and gaining that same 10 pounds or so in 3-4 month cycles for the last 3-4 years.  I figure I can either figure this out and change, or figure out a way to be happy with the status quo.

I problem solve by thinking about things.  The more complex the problem, the more quiet and pensive I become.  Some may say I can be obsessive, but its just how I sort things out.

I liken my way of processing to John Nash (his life story was made into the film A Beautiful Mind).  He had schizophrenia, and refused pharmaceutical treatment.  He viewed his mental illness as a problem that had a solution; he just need to figure it out.  He eventually overcame his schizophrenia by learning to ignore his hallicinations.

I realize I don’t have problems quite that big, but he and I use our mental focus and determination in a very similar way.  However, the downside is that sometimes when I have problems that are ongoing, I get into an unhealthy cycle of thinking about one problem for months or years without any resolution or genuine change.

I’m in one of those unhealthy cycles now, and I feel like screaming STOP THE INSANITY!!  (Remember Susan Powder?)  So herein lies my question - will thinking about this for another hour, day, week, month, year or decade really help???  Will I really think of something new that I haven’t thought of before?