Committed

The job change and addition of school has been more stressful than I expected.  Its a good stress, but stress nonetheless.  In the last two weeks I’ve been eating in a way that makes me wonder if I’m crazy.  It reminds me that food is my crutch through stressful times.  And my stabilizer.  And my distraction.  And my comfort.  And my most loyal friend.

I am convinced that I’ll need to get a handle on this eventually, but for some reason I’m just not ready to devote any time to planning and preparation.  In the interim I’m just trying to “do my best” to keep from totally going off the deep end and gaining even more than I’ve already gained.  I think I’m up to something like 7 pounds gained so far since this time last month.  SEVEN!!  Geez.

Anyway, if some opportunity to turn my life upsidedown comes up again, please remind me of this post so that I can prepare myself for the potential for compulsive binges.

So for now, I’m just going to try to do the best I can to stick to foods I know are healthy, and not worry too much about portion sizes for a couple of weeks. Once things settle down a bit I’ll make some menus and start back into my cooking routines.

Oh, and I’m going to try to ease up on the coffee.  I’ve been having like 10 espressos a day for getting on 3 weeks now.  Its not helping!!

I ate the ice cream (see yesterday’s post below). But today I’m back in business - no more junk!!

Does anyone have any suggestions about how you successfully work occasional indulgences into your healthy lifestyle? I don’t want to deprive myself, but I seem to be either fully “on” (eating 100% healthy) or fully “off” (Binge City!), with no ability to be in between.

That is how many pounds I’ve gained in like a month.

Lets see, how could this have happened…?  Maybe it was the Ben & Jerry’s last night, or the 14-inch long calzone I had for lunch on Tuesday.  Or, it could have been the sushi feast I had a couple of days ago.  When I think about each day, its like I’ve been eating as if it is my last day on this planet.  What gives??

I know I’m under stress.  I started grad school this week, and that opened a huge emotional can of worms.  It brought up all my past wounds about school & college, as well as fears about doing well academically and fitting in socially.  That explains the pizza - I was seeking comfort.  I also finished my sucky job last week to start my good job next week.  I’m a little bit afraid, but mostly just happy about that.  That explains all the sweets - its a celebration!

I know what I need to do.  I’ll drop half this weight in a week if I just get back on the program!  I need to put together a solid plan, and do some prep cooking tomorrow so I’ll have healthy foods at hand.

On another note, I’m so excited to be starting this new job next week.  It is my dream job!  Close to home, it pays well, and it is doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do.  Yay!!

So what do I do with the leftover ice cream in the freezer?  Seems like such a waste to toss it out.  Maybe one final hurrah would help me to feel closure.  Or would I just be feeding the devil inside?  Hrm….

I started grad school last night.  It was fun, but I’m terrified.  If I take one class at a time it will be almost 2013 by the time I’m done.  I don’t know if this is worth it.

I loved this show and I just learned that we’re in for more after rumors that the show had been permanently cancelled.  Yay!

On a totally separate topic, I am interested that the media is all abuzz that keeping a detailed food journal is key to weight loss.  Funny, all of us in the 3fc community already knew that.

Sort of ironic, though, how even though I KNOW this to be true I still don’t maintain a food journal.