Grief
Comments(2) In a psych class I took in college, we were discussing addiction when someone asked our professor (a seasoned therapist with a PhD) a very interesting question.
The question was: Why is it so hard for people to change? In other words, if someone knows they have an addiction problem, and they have done all the therapy, the mental and emotional work, the 12-step meetings, and they have all the tools for success - how come they still don’t change?
His answer: Grief. Grief for all the years gone. Wasted. Donated to alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc., at the cost of friends, family, jobs, kids… Worst of all is the loss of self.
This stuck with me over the years. There is a lot of addiction in my family - grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, in-laws. Could it really be possible that someone chooses the destructive status quo over positive change in order to avoid an emotion, albeit a virtually unbearable one? I was skeptical - at least back then.
Recently I remembered this and I wondered how this could be applied to compulsive eaters like myself. We not only grieve the loss of our former healthy selves, but we also grieve lost time - days, months, years, decades, lifetimes - the same way the crack or heroine addict does. And then we eat to temporarily numb it all, which leads to more grief. Are we on the same proverbial treadmill - eating to supress feelings, thereby causing more feelings to supress, and so on?
I wish I had the answer.