Is this time different?

In maintenance since June 1, 2012


Acting normally… how weird!

It was far too hot today to go for a walk (above 100F is not good for walking, because if you add to that tropical humidity, you end up in an ER trying to prove you are not pregnant but just out of breath), but I found myself not thinking at all of food and eating fish patties, light cheese and skimmed yoghurt precisely at lunch time and at supper time. I don’t know when was the last time i had my meals at the “correct” (culturally correct, of course) time, without any snacking in between. I is so strange to act normally! Is this what it feels like to not have an eating disorder? This peaceful?
But to get reflective: I am on holidays, nothing stresses me out these days. What will happen when I go back to work and get home after 10 pm, starving, to find the fridge empty but for… precisely! But for the kind of food my boys buy for themselves –which only they can eat witout getting fat?
Will I be able to keep up the normal in my life? Will I have the time to organize my life better than before?
I discovered something else apart from normalcy (fleeting though it may prove to be): I am able to taste things better now. I discovered the flavour of a diet soda I usually have but which I had never enjoyed before. I don’t know why that is happening, but that is today’s discovery and I wanted to share it.

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By susana
On January 3, 2012
At 8:44 pm
Comments : 0

The benefits of a good walk

I have started to notice that walking makes me tired enough to go to sleep without much trouble, to the point of oversleeping a little –I am on holiday, so that is OK!
I have had trouble sleeping since my divorce. I can sleep through the night without waking, but I (used to?) find it difficult to turn off the TV and the light, so much so that my kids ended up doing both things themselves when they found me asleep in the small hours. I felt afraid of the dark and of the silence that set in when you go to sleep.
These days, that I am walking that much and that frequently, I just turn everything off in a jiffy and go to sleep instantly!
As to food, I have found the best breakfast for me is youghurt. We do not have big breakfasts in my country, because we have supper very late in the evening, around 10. So, youghurt for me! Now I have to plan lunch! I am thinking of a huge salad with diet dressing, some cheese and fruit…

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By susana
At 4:17 am
Comments : 0

On walking and blogging

I have been blogwalking and came to read very interesting stories of people who sound so much like me when sad, when happy, when busy… And when hungry! Haha! No, really, I feel so much at home with you!
Today as I was doing another one-hour walk (yesss!) around town in this 100° F summer –I am writing from South America– I got to looking at houses and at people waiting for the cool time of the day. i always loved those squat stone houses which look so solid, so balanced… And as I was walking my pounds away (hopefully) I started to think of the reasons why we all want (don’t we?) one of those “eternal” houses which promise so much safety and protection. Maybe it all boils down to that: to feeling safe, to being there where nobody can reach you, where nobody can harm you.
And walk walk walk I also came to think that food does that for me, it builds a carbs wall around me when I eat junk, and builds a fat wall around me that keeps me safe inside. Does this sound familiar at all to anybody? Houses, bodies…
And then as I was heading back home, I started to look at bunches of people who were sitting together sipping cold drinks or tea and chatting at the door of their houses, and I thought how nice and peaceful it must feel to just chat about stuff waiting for the cool breeze.
So where am I heading? I am starting to think (wow, another discovery) that it is not about the food and the exercise, but about the way we relate to the world outside –people, duties, politics, pleasure– and the world inside –memories, fears, projects, secrets–. If we could come to terms with those two worlds, embrace them and love them as they are –as we are–, then maybe the food would naturally go to the place where it belongs: those moments in our day when we are hungry, not when we are sad, angry, bored or scared.
So, shall we leave the house every day and sit out for a while, sipping cool water and looking at the world? Or are we too scared?

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By susana
On January 2, 2012
At 6:48 pm
Comments : 2

A little discovery

Who would have said that by asking myself if I was really hungry and waiting till I was to eat something I would be able to make it through the afternoon without snacking?
How much have I eaten for the wrong reasons?
I started to ask myself why I was thinking of food when I was not hungry, and got two reasons so far: 1- I was tired and wanted to stop working for a while; snacking would have given me an excuse; 2- I had just been (sweetly) criticized by a relative. Mmmm! Food for thought! More reasons in later posts!

Just to give me a round of applause, people: I have walked for an hour once a day for the past three days!

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By susana
At 1:44 pm
Comments :1