Is this time different?

In maintenance since June 1, 2012

 

Stupid stupid

Five months ago I was 10 pounds lighter. I was also unhappy, though thin and confident. Then I started to slip, and here I am, regretting what I ate during the winter –southern hemisphere here– and trying to get back on track so as to lose at least 5 pounds for my 50th birthday. My rules are:

No binging –I can do this, did it before.

No flour.

No sugar.

No cheese.

No tomatoes –it’s a trigger for me.

No nuts and peanuts.

Run three times a week.

It is going to be hard to run, because I am out of shape. I remember getting to run 5k three times a week when I was thinner, but then I got promoted, did not have the time to keep running and started to gain weight.

I will have to go back to my stress management techniques, to having a good breakfast and no grazing. Food has to go back to where it belongs, to the table and to special hours of the day.

I am the only person who puts things in my mouth, so what I eat is entirely my responsibility.

I will start to blog again with this message:

You CAN los 20 % of your weight.

You CAN stop binging.

You CAN start to run and enjoy it.

AND YOU CAN GAIN YOUR WEIGHT BACK, STOP RUNNING AND BINGE AGAIN. SO BE CAREFUL.

Reporting tomorrow. Love to all!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On September 22, 2014
At 3:34 am
Comments : 0
 
 

One day in

Today I tried to do as planned:

I went walking/running 7 km,

I did not eat refined carbs

I did not eat when not hungry

I feel fat and that worries me, but fortunately my life is great right now, so getting back on track should not be a problem. Stress is not an issue these days –though my job is quite demanding– and if I have been overeating I think it is due to having low levels of sugar in my blood. According to recent studies, I am bordering hypoglucemia, so I will find out how to deal with that.

In the fridge there are some chicken and beef pocket sandwiches and cake, but I have not fallen pray to either. I would so live to have some! But well, if I don’t tomorrow I will have lost some weight for sure, so I will try to keep away from the kitchen and go on drinking my tea.

Tomorrow I intend to have cereal and yogurt for breakfast, then to work till midday, then I will eat some chicken and vegetables and hit the gym. In the afternoon I will work till 9 pm and then visit my best half. It is going to be a great day! I will report to you soon.

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 18, 2014
At 4:20 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

A year later, starting over

Hi everybody! A year has passed since my last post, and this is the situation:

I lost 30 pounds in two years (2011-2012) and has been able to maintain my weight through healthy eating and exercise.

I ate very little in the past year because of emotional reasons, and now that I am quite quite happy I am eating more –I enjoy food, and as the stress is over, go for it.

I feel I am losing control and as a former binger, I know how dangerous that is.

I have gained four pounds in a month, and that is making me uneasy.

So, here I am, blogging again, with the following purpose in mind:

– I want to stop overeating and to prevent binging.

– I want to take up running again, which I have been a little lazy about.

– I want to drop those four pounds.

My actions for today are the following:

– Go running.

– No refined carbs.

– Lots of water.

Reporting to you soon! Don’t quit, you out there!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On
At 1:26 am
Comments : 0
 
 

Too weak or too old?

So I started to train seriously to run my 4k, but on my second day (with one rest day in between) I did not even get to run 3k. And I used to run 7k with no great effort! So what is it?

It is the first time that I train and diet (1200 cals) at the same time, so maybe it’s that?

I am 48 and started to run at 47, so maybe it’s that?

I had not drunk water before I started, and my belly was a bit “distressed” from eating chick peas and a lot of fruit. My blood pressure went down a little during the run because of that… Maybe it was that too?

So discouraged!

I will up my calories a little and take two days to rest between runs, and I will have to take up the gym, which I hate, to tone my upper body. That sucks! But I want to run those 4k, because I started to run on June 4 last year, so this race would be my “running birthday”. Hope I can make it and not get in last!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 12, 2013
At 10:53 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

Training to race!

Yesterday I enrolled for my first race, a 4k race that will take place at the end of the month. I leaped to the opportunity because now I can easily get to 4k, so at least I know that I will get to the end, though I may get in last. One of the “effects” of this enrollment is that my eating has become suddenly “cleaner” and my habits have improved suddenly. No junk food at all, better sleeping hours, consciencious training… Wish me luck in the race, but especially in the training, which is proving to be a new experience for me!

May is proving to be a memorable month: I started to go out to the cinema and to concerts on my own, and now I am training… I feel so much better!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 10, 2013
At 9:57 am
Comments : 2
 
 

Vegetable pie… but too much!

I had some crackers for breakfast, and for lunch 3 slices of vegetable pie. They were one too many, as my stomach seems to shout in its bloating. I am a bit stressed because this is going to be a hard work week, so that may have been the reason for the extra slice. Bad.

But on the flip side, yesterday I went to see a Portuguese movie I liked a lot, and I went on my own. I had some extra time to window shop for furniture and knick knacks, so I really enjoyed myself. As I was standing at a shop window I overheard a couple discussing furniture. She was preassuring him to buy something to start organizing their home, and the poor guy was trying to postpone things… It is good to be alone, if dating means that…

That’s all for now!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 6, 2013
At 10:49 am
Comments : 0
 
 

Some major breakthroughs

My bad eating habits are rooted in a genetic predisposition –coupled to an upbringing that made me want– to overeat –my drug of choice– and to some emotions that make me feel so bad that I run to the fridge for comfort. Those emotions are generally frustration and loneliness. I have very demanding parents who never seem to appreciate my achievements, I have extremely difficult co-workers who are ready to point out every mistake or weakeness I may be guilty of, and I have been divorced for ten years, without a couple since then.

So, loneliness is long, frustration usual.

I have been finding ways to fight both. As to loneliness, I am trying to enjoy it. I used to complain that I could not go out because I didn¿t have a date and myy friends are not always available, but last Sunday I decided to go to a concert on my own. That was  a first! I loved the experience, did not feel lonely at all, and sort of enjoyed the possibility of being the “mysterious lady in the crowd”. This evening I will hit the movies on my own too, to watch a Portuguese movie.

As to frustration at the workplace, I am slowly taking leadership positions and my difficult co-worker starts to agree with my proposals. I need to get her respect to feel better, because I really respect and admire her, but in hierarchy I am above her… Difficult!

As to academic frustration, I suppose we need to get used to it, working at university. It is a very demanding place, where you need to study a lot for your work to be acknowledged. Getting used to it too!

I am confident that these new behavious will make me feel better… Reporting soon!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 5, 2013
At 9:50 am
Comments : 0
 
 

A nice visit

Today my son and my daughter in law came to town and I made a chicken dish they loved. I ate too, though it contained corn and cream. Then I had a scoop of icecream, and that was it. I could control myself and did not overeat… They brought cake as a gift, and it is still there, untouched!

Tomorrow I will run my 3 miles, and then work, and then see if I can catch a concert in town. I am quite happy about these days, in spite of the workload. I feel calmer now that I know I can order my eating… Hope you are all doing well too!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 4, 2013
At 9:16 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

What a reward!

I have been trying to reorder my eating and I have lost 4 pounds in a week. I did not expect this sudden loss, so I feel really rewarded! I introduced only small changes so far:

No sweets.

Eat only when hungry.

Not eating sweet things has already changed what I crave for. As we tend to crave for what we generally eat, I started to think of fruit rather than of sweets and other junk like that.I just need to make sure there is a store of healthy food at home.

As to being hungry, in my system it is related to a small rumble, a small discomfort. If I am eating little fat, that is way before growing dizzy or weak. It is just the symptom of an empty stomach… I like “constructing hunger” in this way because it makes it depend on a physical sensation and allows me to grow conscious of my body, binding eating to the body and not to emotions.

I am not cutting on anyhing else for now. If not eating junk and eating only when hungry makes me lose, that is more than enough! I need energy to go on training, so I can eat a bit of everything –even pizza and fries– as long as I don’t eat for emotional reasons.

I remember now that these two determinations (no junk, no emotional eating) were the first I made a year and a half ago, when I started to lose and lost around 20 pounds. I think it is a good idea to modify behavior slowly not to feel deprived… What do you think?

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 3, 2013
At 4:39 am
Comments : 0
 
 

What is to be hungry?

I have just read this question in one of the forums, and as someone else answered it, I just pondered about it. I am still pondering…

Is it feeling dizzy, is it a rumble in the stomach, is it meal time? How out of contact with our bodies we are! Right now it is meal time, I know I could eat if I had cooked something, but I am interested in this post that I could also wait for another hour to eat. If I had not been reading that forum, I would probably had eaten earlier… Was I hungry earlier? Not as much as now!

So, is keeping busy the key to eating when we are really hungry? Is boredom such an enemy to us, disordered eating people? I will keep pondering!

Filed under : Uncategorized
By susana
On May 2, 2013
At 7:45 am
Comments : 2