I know I have to go on trying and not get impatient, so I won’t complain. I have lost only 6,6 pounds in a month, so I still have to lose 16. It’s ok. I thought I would reach 10 pounds in a month, but no, my body decided it will make it a slow burn. It’s ok.
One of my objectives is fulfilled, though, and that is one of the reasons why I don’t dispair: I haven’t binged in a whole glorious month, I eat right and don’t get hungry, and I have learned to eat only when hungry, which is a huge achievement for me, since I had completely forgotten what to be hungry felt like, and that food was not for comfort but to live.
So, in spite of this slow burn, today I discovered two things that motivate this post. I went out for dinner with “the girls” and saw that two of them are getting fatter by the minute. I don’t dare mention the fact because it is a prickly thing to say, but I realized that as I ordered diet 7up and a cup of coffee –I had eaten my protein and fruit at home–, they ordered a big hamburguer each and one of them a big icecream. So I said well, if I were not on this program of mine, I would be heading in that direction too, and that is something I don’t want for myself. I rarely eat in public –I (used to) binge in private– but seeing them eat and seeing them fatter made me strongly want to change my habits for good and lose the extra weight I carry.
And I also discovered myself staring at a cute guy eating alone some tables away. I had not stared for months. And not because there were no cute guys around, but because I felt completely unlookable-at. He did not look at me or anything, but the fact that I did look at him and enjoyed the view makes me think I am still healthy in that respect. I have been alone now for eight years –yep– and wonder if I will ever ever find a man –not any man, my man– again. The chances are not good, but at least I am healthy enough to still look at them. I don’t know if this sounds decadent or pathetic; it sounds sad to me, being 47 and working my ass off to support my children for so many years, and to make a career. Sometimes one needs a hug, that’s all.
So, two discoveries: it is good to eat healthy though the weight does not go away fast, and there are cute guys around eating on their own though they don’t look at me. Will they ever?