Is this time different?

In maintenance since June 1, 2012

 

Good choices, no loss, but fine

I know I have to go on trying and not get impatient, so I won’t complain. I have lost only 6,6 pounds in a month, so I still have to lose 16. It’s ok. I thought I would reach 10 pounds in a month, but no, my body decided it will make it a slow burn. It’s ok.

One of my objectives is fulfilled, though, and that is one of the reasons why I don’t dispair: I haven’t binged in a whole glorious month, I eat right and don’t get hungry, and I have learned to eat only when hungry, which is a huge achievement for me, since I had completely forgotten what to be hungry felt like, and that food was not for comfort but to live.

So, in spite of this slow burn, today I discovered two things that motivate this post. I went out for dinner with “the girls” and saw that two of them are getting fatter by the minute. I don’t dare mention the fact because it is a prickly thing to say, but I realized that as I ordered diet 7up and a cup of coffee –I had eaten my protein and fruit at home–, they ordered a big hamburguer each and one of them a big icecream. So I said well, if I were not on this program of mine, I would be heading in that direction too, and that is something I don’t want for myself. I rarely eat in public –I (used to) binge in private– but seeing them eat and seeing them fatter made me strongly want to change my habits for good and lose the extra weight I carry.

And I also discovered myself staring at a cute guy eating alone some tables away. I had not stared for months. And  not because there were no cute guys around, but because I felt completely unlookable-at. He did not look at me or anything, but the fact that I did look at him and enjoyed the view makes me think I am still healthy in that respect. I have been alone now for eight years –yep– and wonder if I will ever ever find a man –not any man, my man– again. The chances are not good, but at least I am healthy enough to still look at them. I don’t know if this sounds decadent or pathetic; it sounds sad to me, being 47 and working my ass off to support my children for so many years, and to make a career. Sometimes one needs a hug, that’s all.

So, two discoveries: it is good to eat healthy though the weight does not go away fast, and there are cute guys around eating on their own though they don’t look at me. Will they ever?

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By susana
On January 30, 2012
At 8:06 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Being a perfectionist is so not perfect, dear…

My son went on holidays with his friends and brought us a box of cupcakes. I am no fan of cupcakes, but he was sad nobody at home was eating them, so I ate two (hear the alarm ringing? that is my food plan on fire). Then, in the evening, though I was not hungy I had dinner all the same. Instead of eating one slice of spinach pie, which would have been enough, I ate three slices. Small slices, but two too many.

My program is simple: I don’t eat sugar or flour (cupcakes have both) and I don’t eat if I am not hungry. So, imagine how annoyed I was at this slip. Today I realized it was not that bad: I probably reached what? 1600 calories? Not terrible. Was it a binge? No, just eating more than usual. But anyway, the feeling of failure stayed there for awhile. It reminded me of previous diets: some years ago I would have continued eating and probably would have binged for a day or two before going back to my “normal mode” –eating too much every day.

So what is new?

1- I realized my slip was not that terrible and moved on.

2- Today I was not hungry when I got up, so I skept breakfast and went out for lunch: vegetables and calamari with lemon juice.

3- Dinner time, and not hungry yet. Did not eat anything during the afternoon, which is (or used to be) my binge-prone time of the day.

4- Back on track, a bit bloated, but letting go of yesterday and welcoming tomorrow.

I have learned about me that I am still a perfectionist but I am “perfecter” than last year, because now I can live with my less perfect actions and refrain from throwing things overboard just because “the day was ruined anyway”. Doesn’t that make me the “perfectest” me yet? Forgot to say that I am also the humblest dieter here… haha!

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By susana
On January 28, 2012
At 3:59 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Uf! Two hours and a half!

Today I walked briskly for two hours and a half, running errands and pushing paperwork in different government offices, which amounts to interval walking. The sensation, afterwards, is so good! You feel so full of air, strong and energized! I still have some more work to do in the afternoon, which I will also do on foot.
Food-wise, I am eating only when hungry –three times a day, mostly– and having only the amount I need to stop feeling hungry. Food choices: yoghurt, All Bran, fruit, green leaf salads, chicken breast, lean beef. I am trying not to eat cheese –my weakness–. I allow myself to eat something outside that list if the portion is small. For example, I dined a tiny portion of Spanish torta –potato and egg, fried– the other evening, and I did not consider it a slip or anything, because it was a conscious choice. I decided to eat that tiny portion instead of my regular meal, ate it and moved on.
I am not calorie counting, but I guess I keep near 1200. I draw the line at sugar and refined flour, and eat none. So, it is somehow intuitive eating, guesstimating calories, a little low-carb, and trying, especially, to keep in control. I have not binged in 2012, which is a huuuge success. I will try not to do emotional eating, but to learn other ways of dealing with my feelings. The acid test will be next month, when I go back to work full time. I am quite nervous about how things will turn out both professionally –probably getting promoted this year– and regarding by eating habits. Would you bet on New Me or on Old Habits?

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By susana
On January 26, 2012
At 11:07 am
Comments : 4
 
 

Surprise surprise!

I have not been losing any weight lately, which I attributed to my lazy tummy and to possible hormonal changes regarding my age (47), since I had not have my TOM since September. But today I got young again, apparently, because Tommy is back… Which makes me think I must have been retaining water these past days. Surprise surprise, oldie is not that oldie… And I will probably lose a couple of pounds this week when Tommy leaves. Who would have thought that this lady would still be troubled by these visits!

Wanted to share this with you because I have been complaining about my one-week plateau and because, though I was not sad about menopause, I feel happy it is not here yet.

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By susana
On January 23, 2012
At 9:15 am
Comments : 3
 
 

A trip and a good challenge

I am back from my trip and guess what? In two days I only went off plan once, and for a croissant. That was it. I ate it because I would still be eating less that 1200 calories that day, and I felt a lot in control. I could have also eaten toast, and cake, and cookies –all there at the hotel, at my hand’s reach– but for breakfast I chose fruit salad, skim yoghurt, and that croissant. I am quite proud of the fact that I could eat carbs and go on being in control the rest of the day. Challenge met! And today it’s my third week without bingeing!

My only problem these days is still my pottywise lazy tummy, but I will dine vegetables to see if it wakes up.

Now for a new week! Wish you all good luck with the plan you have chosen, and a wonderful week as to exercise, family and frieds! Make the most of it!

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By susana
On January 22, 2012
At 3:47 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

Trying to get more veggies

Not much to say, so I will make it short.  My food was ok today, without many changes.  The “new” thing I did was munch celery sticks for fiber, because I am finding it a bit difficult to you know. I suppose a lot has to do with the fact that I have been eating smaller portions –and sometimes quite little– and my body is not used to that. I am going away for a couple of days to visit relatives, so that will be a challenge! I’ll try to stay OP, and I’d better do so, because I have not lost any weight this past week. Good luck, people!

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By susana
On January 20, 2012
At 5:26 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

D + D + A

That title stands for Discouragement, plus Discouragement, plus Achievement.

Discouragement I : Though my scale day is tomorrow, I peeped and I have not lost a pound along the past week. I know it is normal, but I feel discouraged all the same.

Discouragement II : My supervisor sent me her comments on my thesis and she utterly destroyed the first chapter. She corrected things she never objected to before, and is asking me to go back three years in my research and do something different. Huge, ah!

Achievement : I did not binge or break my food plan. I just sobbed a little –I am very tired of studying, and there is still a little girl inside me asking for daddy now and then– and then started to see how I could carry out what she wants. When hungry, I grilled chicken breast, made a salad and ate that. I also ate a raw carrot for fiber.

And… that has been my day. I have one more year to finish my thesis, so I am starting to think that BY THEN I will be thin, right?

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By susana
On January 19, 2012
At 4:24 pm
Comments : 3
 
 

One of those days

Long, boring, I-need-a-life day. Too hot to go out, engaged to look after granny (90, blind) this evening, not losing weight for the moment, with pending work-related tasks which I don’t want to think about. And I feel my tummy is all bloated… As you see, not much of a buddy today! But anyway, I did not go off my food plan –though I stared a little at the icecream in the fridge– and keep hopeful.

It is not that I just hope to lose weight. I hope some day my like will be more exciting than now, in a way. I have a tendency to overlook achievements and to focus on unattained goals… Bad attitude, isn’t it?

I am making a short trip to a nearby town to visit my married son this weekend. That will give it some variety to my life… And will be a challenge to my diet. More on this soon!

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By susana
On January 18, 2012
At 10:41 am
Comments : 2
 
 

Another lunch and a new achievement

I have a lunch buddy who is also a friend and a co-worker. When we have some free time we have lunch together… After a light dish, we used to go for icecream and coffee or order dessert at the restaurant. Today we met for out first 2012 lunch, and we ordered salad as usual. My salad had pinapple in it, which left untouched. When the waitress came for our plates I told her I was keeping the pinapple as dessert… My friend ordered icecream, and as she ate that I ate my pineapple pieces. Then we ordered coffee, the bill, and that was it. I never mentioned I was on a diet, and she did not ask either. Again, I confirm that when I ordered fattening food and blamed others for my choice, I was SO wrong. You can enjoy a delicious meal and a nice moment with somebody you love and not have pasta or pizza. Isn’t that fantastic? It gives me some hope about the possibility of maintaing after I lose the weight.

Today, then: yoghurt for breadfast; fish, celery and hearts of palm for lunch; pineapple for dessert; nuts as snack… and heading for a steak and onions dinner.

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By susana
On January 17, 2012
At 3:45 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

Low cal dressings, finally

For years –and I am not exaggerating– I thought I would prepare two dressings I know I like and are good to me. Though they are fairly easy and cheap, I never prepared them. Today I made them and included them in my lunch:

Salad dressing: We don’t have sauces or mayo in salads in my country; we generally add oil, vinegar or lemon and salt. My new salad dressing is made of balsamic vinegar, and instead of olive oil I add liquid vaselin, which I keep in a bottle with olives inside to give it some taste. It was delicious and hopefully it will help me digest food more quickly, if you know what I mean.

Tartar sauce: just light mayo processed together with pickled vegetables. Easy, fresh and light. I added a generous spoonful to my lean steak.

If they are so simple and easy to make, why did I take years to make them? Today I was home alone for lunch, and for the first time I COOKED for myself: steak, arugula salad, these dressings. Simple, but far better that what I would have eaten last year –probably bread, cheese, icecream and cookies.

I am walking a lot these days, and eating right. I still feel the “tug” of sweet treats when I experience frustration, but I can fight it. Thanks to all of you for the way you collaborate, though blogs and forums, with this marvellous moment in my life!

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By susana
On January 16, 2012
At 9:57 am
Comments : 4