I haven’t officially given up. I’m still here. I don’t want to give up my page. I’m on board again. Afraid of getting my hopes up. I was so sure I was going to do it back in March and I didn’t. I was so ready and I wasn’t able. I read a blog today and the guy says most people who say they can’t do something have only tried a few times (in this case MANY). Because they weren’t successful they say they can’t when what they should be saying is I haven’t YET. I really liked that. I have not lost this weight….YET. I will. I just need to NOT give up and keep trying different things. Take what was successful from past attempts and apply it to this one. SO my goal from here on out is NO MORE FAST FOOD. If I’m in a hurry a grilled cheese and tomato soup or even home cooked fries is better than Wendy’s #4 OR ordering pizza. I am also going to attempt, scratch that, I am going to type out my meal plans everyday. Here’s to today:
Breakfast: bowl of crunchy raisin bran, 2 boiled eggs only 1/2 yellow, and cup strawberries.
Lunch: Cabbage salad with 1000 Island dressing, yogurt, single serving bag spicy Doritos,
Snack: apple and tomato soup w/ peanut butter cheese crackers (8)
Supper: Smoked sausage stir fry.
Today is w/o day but I’m not going to gym. I am going to ride my bike outside about 20 minutes. Get some of this good weather before it gets too hot to exercise outside. Really helps with cardio and is probably just as good if not better than when I go to gym & do 20 minutes on stairstepper and 18 on treadmill while reading my Chemistry book. Have been doing back leg lifts whenever I’m able to during bathroom breaks. If someone is in there I don’t, if no one is I do.
Posted on May 25th, 2010 by sunray077
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I just have nothing to say. I feel powerless. I thought I was going to do it. I thought it was really going to happen this time. A month and a half later and my progress is 3 lbs & headed back up?? I should be 215 right now, at least. I’m so very upset and disappointed. I don’t know what to do now. I can blame it on school, I can blame it on the kids making me crazy, or my hubs wanting to eat out. But the fact is I didn’t do it. We are headed into May and I am going to have the same horrible summer I did last year. Where I burned up the whole time and moving made me sweat. So sad.
Posted on May 3rd, 2010 by sunray077
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Started not feeling well around 2:30 today. At one point I went to ask my supervisor if I could leave early. Fortuntely he wasn’t there and I didn’t waste time off. BUT it probably would have been better because I talked myself into Wendy’s. ugh! And I knew to be prepared. BUT the difference is now I know what to do. This doesn’t mean oh crap may as well eat everything in sight. It means be extra careful to make up for this the next few days. Means make sure I take filling low cal foods with me to work tomorrow so I can make a deficit in my calories because for sure I went way over today!
Posted on April 7th, 2010 by sunray077
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Scale said 229.6 this morning! Now all I need to do is keep it up! LOL That’s it! I’m laughing because it really is simple for as hard as it is. Honestly though it has been easier for me ever since I came to terms with realizing I am addicted to food. Journaling has been amazing and I’ve just been very happy the last few days. I must strive on stress because I am very busy trying to make sure I don’t get behind in school.
Back to weight loss though. I am 10 lbs away from being able to tell a differeince in my clothes, etc. New goal-210 lbs! I expect to be there in 2 months! Fan fricken tastic! I will be on the lookout for sabotaging myself. I really think the beautiful spring/summer weather has improved my thinking so I will be on double guard through the end of the week as it is supposed to be in the 50’s again. But it will be 50’s w/rain and I love love love rain! I love feeling like this. I need to reread and remember this next time I think a pizza will help me feel better!!
Posted on April 7th, 2010 by sunray077
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I’m not disappointed in my weight today. One day last week it showed 231 but I know I have done well and I know the scale will reflect that. School has me so very busy right now. A week in and I am adjusting to studying, spending time with family, and having time to myself for exercise and just mental time. I know eventually it will even out but right now I am studying constantly so I don’t get behind. Getting this ole brain working again. It has been stagnant so long…..it is a beautiful day so I am going to attempt a bike ride. Today is not technically a work out day so I won’t feel bad if I miss it but would like to try for at least a 10 minute ride. I didn’t not do a great job this weekend with journaling or counting calories. Did the best i could but I know if I journal and count I can do better. Need to work on dieting on my weekends. Maybe I can give myself permission to be looser but I need to make sure this gets done.
Posted on April 5th, 2010 by sunray077
Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Nothing to report. Did good yesterday. Doing good today! I believe I will continue to do good today. Not gaining all my weight back and getting right back on the weight loss wagon after my 5 day binge really uplifted my spirits. Would I feel the same if the scale still blared 237? Probably not. But somehow it does not so I am determined I will be out of the 230’s on Monday! Looking up where we will be staying when me & hubs go to Canada in July & see our friend married really has me excited! I want to be 190 when we go! I will be! 190 was only 2 years ago and I had no cellulite on my thighs. My thighs now are embarrassingly lumpy. Wonder if they will stay like that when I lose weight? I hope not. Not going to worry about that now. May get me discouraged. Stretch marks are here to stay (thanks girls!) so no bikini to look forward to ever! But oh how I hope my legs can look nice again.
Beautiful day here. Leaving work at 3 today. Just can not hold on to my vacation time at the beginning of the year. sigh LOL Always use it up the 1st half of the year then the 2nd half I have like 3 days left. Oh well, there is more scheduled days off on the 2nd half.
I haven’t wrote much down today. Been busy looking for the hotel me & hubs will be staying at. I need to make that more of a priority. I know how quickly craves come. Always need to stay on the lookout. I feel so good right now though!! I’m no longer going to let others (mom & sisters) make me feel stressed, bad, or wrong! They are so judgemental it drives me crazy! Hmm, been distancing myself from my younger sister pretty much since I realized I have the compulsive/binge eating disorder. Wonder if that is the cause of me feeling so good?
Posted on April 2nd, 2010 by sunray077
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I got on the scale this morning and it showed 231.4! I did not expect that! For 5 days I did horribly! Yesterday was the first day I did good! I stayed at 1700 calories, and went for a 15 minute walk/jog! Was meant to be 20 but my MP3 players charge went out. I am so thrilled! On a sour note my eczema is really acting up today! I never had eczema in my life until last year! 31 years old! UGH It made me miserable. At the bend in my elbow up to my armpit. Front of shins, and behind knees all summer. It went away for the winter and I had so hoped it was gone for good but NOPE. I’ve been a bit warm today so I just turned my office fan on. Hoping that will help with the itch. Also, took my benedryl tablets already. I don’t like to take them until after lunch because they make me sleepy. I’m hoping the itch of the eczema and the drowsiness from the tablets don’t put my guard down and make me feel sorry for myself. It only takes one moment of weakness to run to the vending machine and get a candy bar! But NO! I still have 4 days until Monday when it is official! I can be out of the 230’s!! I have a notepad w/ me at all times. I am writing out my feelings. Keep them on paper, not in my mouth!!
Posted on April 1st, 2010 by sunray077
Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
A comment made to a post I had begun on the forum has made me believe I am a compulsive/binge eater. I don’t know much about these, but I am believing I have this disorder. I really wish I had access to the forum while at work, but that is blocked. I am going to do some looking into this. I found a thread which had about 15 things you either agree with or don’t. I agreed with all but 4, it stated if you have 3 or more you most likely have this disorder. I am thinking I always had it for as long as I remember but smoking helped subdue it as well as helping burn off some calories. My weight has really exploded this past year by having this disorder and not smoking. I hope knowing this can help me in this struggle. I’ve always known I am all for nothing in everything! Wasn’t able to smoke a few a day, I smoked 1 1/2 packs to 2 a day. Don’t drink in moderation, I get drunk. Don’t eat a serving of something, eat until I feel like exploding. Today is a new day. I have really let myself down the past 5 days. If is was easy I wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place. I just read the phrase eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired.
Posted on March 31st, 2010 by sunray077
Filed under: Beginning weight loss | No Comments »
Whoo breathe! LOL In spite of yesterdays little melt down I behaved myself. Came home ate veggie soup and even worked out again! Better yet I already have today also! Might go again. I allowed myself to eat a tombstone pizza today with C….Not good but I am not going over calories! Dinner will be soup and carrot salad and that is it! It was good. But really it didn’t make me feel as good as it normally would…maybe I’m turning some corner?? LOL Yeah, right I’ve been here before. Would be nice though.
Woke up to snow today! They predicted a light dusting but had to clean car off today with a broom! I’m one of those rare people who LOVE snow! Yep, all the way up to the middle of February! That’s it! I thought I’d be able to get my flower gardens in some kind of order today on my day off. NOPE. It’s spring damn it! Oh, well, mother nature just showing her humor and power I guess.
Having a cookout tomorrow so really need to get this house cleaned! Even when I get a day off there is no day off…..school starts next week….going to be a long long time before I have a whole day off. (sigh) That’s life I guess.
Heard last night my sister lost her job of 17 years. Not due to economy. It sounds as if they just fired the management. I have a feeling in my stomach of absolute pain for her. Reminded her she hated going in everyday and this is a good thing. She is too talented to not find something. She can go back to school for LPN now! But she had a good job & in reality this is oh so sad. I believe she lost it on Wednesday which is when my lost bad mood for no good reason started. Wonder if my mood was my sista ESP. I feel ssoo horribly for her. But I don’t want her to know that. I need to keep telling her just how good this really is. Just hoping for comfort and determination for her now.
Posted on March 26th, 2010 by sunray077
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Posting on here….I am about to sabatoge myself! Will this ever end?? Why do I want to stop at Wendys on the way home?? I’ve already been bad today! I’m at 1900 calories right now and I haven’t even had supper! I need to go home and eat my soup! Then go to gym and eat a little snack later! NOT stop at Wendys! NOT a good idea if I want goal! Please give me strength to just tell myself no! Insanity is: doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results! I’m insane! LOL NO NO NO I am NOT going to Wendys! Even if I get a kids meal NOT a good idea! Nothing worth doing is ever easy…(who in the world said that)? UGH! I think in my head not fair! Other people have Wendys! Why can’t I have Wendys? Answer: other people have been responsible and ate it in moderation…as for the rest of them well, if you want to weigh 100 ( or even 5!) more lbs. go ahead! Bottom line what I am doing is working. Giving in now makes no sense….now if the pep talk can just keep going until I get home! I requested tomorrow off. So I am off tomorrow so this mood I want to eat away can just leave now!!
Posted on March 25th, 2010 by sunray077
Filed under: Beginning weight loss | No Comments »
