slipstream becomings

two weeks in and my collar bones have begun to reappear.

that’s cool. really cool.

i have a terrible cold, and slept most of the day away.

i have to go over to the school and then to the pool. exercise is supposed to make you feel better when you have a cold right?

today’s swim workout included 12×100. in a 50m pool, that’s 2 laps per 100m and 1 turn.

so i decided i was going to flip turn every single time.

and i did.

yippity!

last week i weighed myself at my grandmother’s house, on my grandfather’s physician triple beam weigh scale. i have long suspected that it is a little off, but it was there and i was there and so what the hell right?

it said 248. i couldn’t really believe that, so i entered 245 as my starting weight.

today after my swim i weighed in at 239.

so that feels great, and now i know i have a real starting weight on a more accurate scale.

i also upped the difficulty of my swim plan workout and swam 2100m today, where all week i’ve done 1600m. i wasn’t totally cooked at the end, but i’ll stick with about 2100m for a week and then up it again.

and did i mention that i feel pretty great?

yeah, i do.

my daughter and i locked horns this morning. she was crying. i was screaming like a maniac and stomping around. it all just fell apart. there are a thousand reasons: exhaustion, disorganization, a creeping sense of screen addiction (i hereby commit to leaving the computer OFF until i get to school), frustration, the woes an trials of being 4, of being a single parent, the unmitigated bother of life itself at 9 am.

i have this idea. i think if i can go to bed by 11 (or maybe it needs to be 10…or maybe even 9) then i can wake with vim and vigour. we can be on time for school. we can face the day without frantic rushing, yelling commotion. there would be so many more hours in the day, so much more success.

and somehow magically i would learn to have a neat and tidy house with everything in it’s place. lunches would be made in time, because the kitchen would be clean and sparkly from the night before. we’d have energy and time to dawdle of breakfast, and still be on time. we could walk or ride to school instead of driving…somehow just going to bed early will move me along to my better, more perfect life.

(no need to question just now why i have this ideal perfect life to which i am constantly holding myself up, and from which i constantly fail, continually cycling through self-loathing and despair. not right now.)

anyway.

this morning was an astonishingly thorough catastrophe. 

i ate well, though. and then i had to bide some time until my analyst appointment.

oh that was rich. no need to reiterate the contents of that crying fest. 

the point is i just wasn’t hungry.

so after the therapy appointment i went and got an earl grey tea from starbucks. with the sugar free syrup to try it. reducing the cup value from something like 6 or 7 points to 2. so a 2 point lunch it is, and though i set my goal this week to stay out of starbucks, it was only to avoid 7 points tea lattes.

accomplished.

i am muscle sore today, but i’m going to go over the the gym, warm up, stretch (!!!) and do a light weight round because i committed that i would.

i need to be more like horton: say what i mean, mean what i say.

100 PER CENT.

i have been wanting to use swimplan.com for a long time. so why not now?

day 2. the aerobic part of the workout said some stuff, and then it said 600m freestyle.

and this morning i was all like wtfbbq i can’t do that. i spent the day thinking i could rest at 200, 300, 400…whatever.

and then i started swimming.

and i motherfucking did it.

wow.