crappity/carppity.
the car and i were flooded outo n western road today.
i don’t know what’s wrong with it, and i am over course totally stressed and utterly convinced that i have managed to crack the engine block through impatience while sitting in a small roadside lake.
but you know what?
to calm down i did a yoga session from the dvd followed by a relaxation meditation from doyogawithme.com
and it worked. i calmed down quite a bit.
i’m still almost sick with stress, but….but.
and i’m not journalling my food. i’m loosely counting points,and not freaking out or bingeing or jumping ship entirely. i just lost the compulsion to journal. (becuase i went over last week and didn’t want to see it in ink. that’s the truth of it.) i don’t know what happned. or rather, i know exactly what happened. i was a little bit successful. and then the demon of self-sabotage kicked in and a life of not really believing i have the right to be successful kicked in and this is the sound of my sliding into the comfortable nowhere zone of mediocrity. that and for all my conscious believe in the need for balance, my internal perfectionist jumped ship. fuck her. she has well and truly entered the long slow process of losing her job.
listen up for the roaring sound of me kicking the demon’s ass and escorting the inner perfectionist from the building of my soul. (i could start the journal tomorrow. okay. i’ll start the journal tomorrow.)