So I had my therapy appointment today and got a few things out in the open and feel a bit better. My therapist is very good and I found out from my new surgeon’s office that she’s the person they send all the people to who have eating disorders. That’s a happy coincidence! I no longer binge– I don’t have the physical capability. My biggest challenge is to keep myself from wanting to graze all day long. And I’m learning not to associate food with emotions… I’m trying to just keep thinking of food as fuel for the body. It’s amazing how hard that is. But Denyse– my therapist– keeps reminding me that I’ve had many many years of learning that food is for making myself feel better so it’s going to take some time to re-learn otherwise. She also says I’ve come a long way and made a lot of progress, though I don’t see it. Then again, I don’t see the physical changes either.

She gave me some paperwork to star planning my meals. I had mentioned at one session that I felt like I had gone from being obsessed with food to being obsessed with food– because I constantly have to think of what I’m going to eat and when now. So she said that she thinks I should plan what I’m going to eat and when either by the day or by the week. That way, food and eating will become mechanical for me and it may help take the emotion out of it. Not a bad idea.

Food has always been my comfort. I do really need to get over that and find different ways to comfort myself. It’s really self defeating, especially now! And, now I can’t eat a lot of the things I used to eat for comfort. Sugar is out. I DO dump… and I’m actually glad that I do. And a lot of carbs make me fall asleep and stay there for hours! lol So that just ruins the day.

On a good note, the Lexapro seems to already be working wonders… my husband and I both are looking forward to our vacation at Niagara Falls and I’m losing weight again, albeit slowly. I’d really love to have lost a bit more before I see my darling husband this summer!