so its been just about a week now binge free. i’ve definitely eaten things that were not on the healthiest of sides, but… the big but, i didnt binge until i was sick at all. which is in itself an amazing feat. im sure just doing that i’ve been lower in calories by avoiding binges.
i think maybe getting the binges under control once and for all, and making smarter and smarter choices everyday, and warm weather permitting running outside, will all incorporate an overall well-being. much more so than a crazy strict diet that i can’t even adhere to. i just cant do it. not right now anyway. its not to say that i dont have faith in myself, but it makes me feel so bad about myself when i mess up. that im a total failure.
im constantly in this race with myself to lose weight super fast. and its just not going to happen. i want to do it for so many wrong reasons. and i think it just sabotages me in the end. i have this idea that if i just lose more weight, that if im skinny, maybe my bf will find me more attractive. thats the biggest reason, i think. which is absurd, i know. but the fact that i dont feel impt in my relationship is not because of my physical appearance, but perhaps because the relationship is not working out.
so anyway, thats it for now.
Posted on March 12th, 2009 by stellart
Filed under: Uncategorized