why am i so complacent

why can’t i stay motivated. what is the problem. i’ve thought about joining weight watchers just to have someone to report to. but i can’t justify spending that kind of money. i know how to eat right, that’s not the problem. i just choose not to do it. there’s the problem. 

yesterday, i ate an entire bag of chocolate covered pretzels. that’s 4 servings. wtf. i just dont know why i do these things. 

at least i’m still exercising. so that’s good. i’ve been doing 30DS monday through friday. and i’ve been walking at least 3 miles those same days. saturdays and sundays i dont do anything except roll around in the hay with B. that’s exercise enough, i guess. 

it just seems like i’ve lost my mojo. i was so excited before. and then i just kinda fell off as the weather got colder and colder. it’s like all i want to do is hibernate and eat shitty food and drink lots of wine on weekends. 

at least i started keeping a journal again, even if its writing down off plan foods. shit i dont even have a plan these days. i’ve been trying desperately to avoid overeating and bingeing. so i’m trying not to forbid myself of certain foods that i want. and rather by allowing myself to eat what i actually want, i’ll be less inclined to overeat. but i’m not sure if it’s hindering weight loss overall though. 

i’ve been hovering at 150 pounds for some time now. i dont know what my problem is. how do i get back on the track of things. i just try to keep walking. keep walking and keep my mind off eating. during the day really isnt the challenge, it’s at night when the lights go out, and covers come up and i just want to hibernate. 

so i’m still debating whether no not to try weight watchers. and pay the money, if only for the accountability. 

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