Just Keep Swimming

Posted stellarosa27 on June 3rd, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized

Finding Nemo has a lot of great lessons in it.  If you have never seen that movie, I highly suggest you add it to your NetFlix queue RIGHT NOW.  And be prepared to cry several times.


Wght – 168.0

BF% – 28.4

Okay.  So.  Yesterday I had some sort of…I don’t know…revelation? Epiphany? Desire to know the truth?  On my way home from work I called a certain boy who I’ve been confused about for 6 years and was like hey, come over and watch hockey.  So he did.  And the premise was to tell him how I feel/see what’s going on, etc.

I made dinner – chicken, yellow rice and asparagus – so I did actually make it above 1200 calories last night (especially with all the wine I drank) and the 168.0 isn’t due to lack of food.  We watched hockey (THE FLYERS CAN SUCK IT) and at the end of the second period he got up to leave.  We then had a non-conversation about things (this is how we communicate – its our own way and we understand it) but basically the gist is we’re just friends, nothing more is there on his side.  And you know, that’s fine.  I just really needed to know.  I told him, hey, that’s fine, I just really had to know for sure, because I was confused.  Then he left and I cried.

Why did I cry?  Well, the rejection is a big thing, but you know what, I actually expected the No.  I hoped for a Yes, but I was more prepared for No.  I just don’t want things to change.  He’s one of my closest friends and I never would have gotten through the past 2 years without him.  I know he loves me and cares about me, regardless of its a romantic love or a friend love, and I’m okay with that!

Doesn’t mean I’m not really sad…but its okay, I can be sad.  I’m alternating between sad Sarah Mclachlan and happy Sarah Mclachlan, and getting through it.

I’m also kind of excited – the past few weeks have been a complete turn around in my personality – and this could be the start of something new.  My next few weekends are already booked with lots of opportunities to meet new people, etc, its just the week days that are going to be an issue.

Speaking of week days – I’m joining the local (near work) pool in hopes of going swimming at lunch on a fairly frequent basis.  I can add this to my daily gym work outs – swimming just works your whole body and also helps with toning – and get a tan in addition to that!  I went today for the first time, and even though my body is shaking from the exercise, I feel amazing.  The endorphins and added Vitamin D of being outside also are helping my mood.

Tonight I’m going to go to Whole Foods and pick up a few things (including a salad for dinner) and then I’m going to come home, clean the apartment and maybe throw a run in there somewhere.  A friend from NJ is coming to visit for the weekend, so I’m hoping to get up early tomorrow to work out (and then possibly go swimming at lunch).  I just need to keep myself busy, and just keep swimming.

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