I believe in unicorns
I also believe in myself :)
Posted stellarosa27 on July 9th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
We all know you’re working hard with your trainer, I get it, but is it necessary for you to grunt so loudly that I can hear you through my already way-too-loud Muse playlist ? Yes, you’re impressive, you’re holding your legs off of the ground for 30 seconds at a time. Amazing. But I’m trying to stretch in peace. Its not enough that you’re already taking up half of the floor space with your trainer, now you have to make it sound like your orgasming while I make sure my hip flexors don’t freeze up? And its not like I wouldn’t like to be screaming bloody hell through my work out, but I choose to not waste energy on making noises and instead put it towards WORKING HARDER. Friggin idiots…
Wght - 168.0
BF% - 28.7
For full disclosure, that was post-gym. Pre-gym was 0.4 lbs/2% higher, but whatever. Its still a loss :) As you can probably tell, I made it to the gym this morning. It was a shorter work out because I did 90 minutes yesterday, and my legs were tired. Still, 50 minutes is nothing to look down your nose at :) I did 20 minutes on the stairmaster and 25 on the elliptical, then some of those upsidedown crunch thingies. Tomorrow will be a longer day, as I’m having a BBQ and I plan to drink, so gotta get that calorie burn in early.
My life, as always, continues to be exciting. Tonight I will be cleaning my apartment and doing ridiculous amounts of laundry in preparation for my trip to Seattle (and possibly Vancouver!) - but I’m making up for that lame Friday night by spending Saturday and Sunday with lots of fun people. Very excited about this, especially since I have awesome, healthy food in my apartment and I’ll be able to work out both Saturday AND Sunday (provided that I’m not too hung over, but I think I’ll be able to swing it). Also, for an added bonus, the wine story had my FAVORITE wine on sale (Rosemount Shiraz) so my wine rack is now full Oh, its the little things.
And happy Friday!!
Posted stellarosa27 on July 7th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Props to Miss E for coming up with that, as I am obviously not that clever.
Wght - 169.4
BF% - 30.6
Something is up here. Now, with the amount of beer I drank this weekend, fine, its going to take a while to go back down. But that BF% pisses me off. I was at 28/29 for a while - can not working out for 1.5 weeks honestly do that? I don’t think I think so, and I suspect I’m still retaining water, but there’s not much I can do about it except keep eating well, drink water and lay off excess sodium (as I eat salted almonds…).
The gym was a big success yesterday. I ran 2 miles. Like, actually ran them. I would pause every 1/4 of a mile to catch my breath, but it was usually about a 20 second pause, and with that I was able to keep going. I then did the elliptical for another 20 minutes and banged out some push ups and ball crunches. The intent was to go to the gym this morning, and I was wide awake at 5:30, then I realized I’d rather sleep for another 1.5 hours. I’ll go tonight - the AC is fully functional at the gym - and maybe I’ll be able to sweat out some of this possible excess water.
I did make a slamming dinner though - baked chicken breast stuffed with spinach and laughing cow cheese, with baked zucchini and baby broccoli. I’m going to make some man very happy one day.
Speaking of men - Saturday is the BBQ I’m having to hang out with the cute boy I met a few week’s ago at a party AND I apparently have a “date” on Sunday with the alleyway boy from this past weekend. Um, what’s going on here? This is kind of awesome, but kind of confusing, all at the same time.
And I was singing on my way to work this morning and had no desire to listen to depressing music. Woo hoo!!
Posted stellarosa27 on July 6th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
Well, I’m kind of jumping up between 170/169, but still, could be worse. Today I’m working on drinking lots and lots of water because I drank NOTHING yesterday and I was up 0.8 from Sunday-Monday do to the extremely salty crabs I ate on Sunday night.
I know, I’ve been mute for a while. I’ve been trying to keep myself out of my apartment (aka busy so I don’t realize I’m depressed) and its kind of working. This weekend I went back to the gym full force and I plan to continue that tonight, if the AC at the gym is functioning. If not, I have a treadmill in my living room and Florence & the Machine on stereo. Tomorrow also re-commences daily weighing. It keeps me accountable and keeps me from doing stupid crap.
I’ve been pretty decent with eating for the past few days, as well. I made it through the 4th of July weekend without major crap-eating (beer drinking yes, eating crap, no ) and I even managed to have a little fun in the process. Okay, a lot of fun. Apparently making out with a boy is a mood-elevator. Who knew, really?
This week my focus will be on exercising a whole bunch. I think that was part of my problem for the past 2 weeks, not enough exercise so my endorphin level was low and I wanted to hurl myself off of a balcony. You know there’s a problem when you start to identify with Bella Swan as she goes cliff diving. Which reminds me, I need to wash my bathing suit so I can go swimming this week. The North East/Mid-Atlantic is in store for one hell of a heat wave, so I’m going to take advantage of that by swimming at lunch.
I was sleeping really well this morning, so I didn’t get up and work out, but my plan is to do that for the remainder of the week. Its just easier - puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day and I don’t have to worry about 3 digit temperatures. Also, I’m having a BBQ on Saturday, so I need to prepare my apartment (read: CLEAN). I also want to get a little Martha Stewart-y, so I need meal planning time as well.
Alright, here’s to this week being a HECK of a lot better than last week.
Posted stellarosa27 on June 22nd, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
1.5 days and I shall be in sunny, beautiful, relaxing Florida. I won’t have to deal with ridiculous questions from supervisors or idiotic nuances of my next door office neighbors. There will be beautiful views and alcoholic beverages and many, many, many gay men singing show tunes with me and telling me that I’m fabulous. I’m just going to let this mental image get me through the next 36 hours- before I murder someone.
I still haven’t weighed myself, but yesterday I was quite good. Probably topped off around 1350 calories - thanks to the mani/pedi from keeping me from stuffing my face. I was wide awake this morning, so I did 30 minutes on the stairmaster and 15 minutes on the elliptical before throwing in some crunches and push ups. I was considering going swimming today at lunch, but things were too crazy to take a 90 minute lunch. Eating wise, things seem to be going well today. I wanted to stress eat, but I got coffee instead. So now instead of being fat, I’ll be wired. Great.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do tonight to keep myself occupied. My apartment is clean, all of my outfits are ready to be thrown into the suitcase tomorrow night. It seems as though my only option is to watch True Blood again. Don’t judge. Eric is H-O-T. I don’t really like blondes, but omg…
I could do one of my new belly dancing videos. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm.
Posted stellarosa27 on June 21st, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
I’ve been absent from here - not because I don’t want to write - but because life has been so friggin busy. Work has come into full swing, I’m going through mood swings with my recent pseudo-break up and I’ve been doing a lot of socializing.
I was in NJ this weekend for Father’s Day - I did NOT weigh myself this morning, because God knows what kind of damage I did. All I know is that my stomach and thighs sweat at the gym, so at least some of the water retention is gone. A few more days of working out, followed by a few days sweating in the sun in lovely Florida, and maaaaybe I’ll be back to 167 and I can get on my merry way to 143.
I’m going to have 3 glorious on plan days and then off to Key West. At first I was worried about eating while I was away, and then I was like wait…Florida…fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, lots of shrimp (well, hm, the shrimp may not work)…and I was like I will be fine. I just have to be conscious of what I’m eating, and watch the alcohol consumption. Its going to be hot as elephant balls down there (sorry for the imagery) so the last thing I’m going to want to do is stuff my face with heavy food.
I’m going to try and visit every day until I head off to Florida - it keeps me accountable and forces me to stay positive. I’m taking a page out of Miss Haley’s book and trying to keep positive - you have to think good things for good things to happen to you, so come on world, BRING ON THE AWESOME THINGS!!
Posted stellarosa27 on June 14th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
Yeah, baby. 9 days and I will be in sunny Florida with my best girl friends to celebrate a wedding. I can.not.wait.
This also means I have to kick my butt back into gear. Over the past few days I’m hovering between 169.something and 167.something, but I haven’t been really exercising and we all know the story with the food. Over the weekend my appetite returned and I went to TJ’s and stocked up on food for the week. Today I have everything all planned out and as long as I stick to that plan, I should be fine. I want to run after work, but its 90 friggin degrees out so that’s not going to happen, therefore the gym it is.
I really do not have any motivation, but people always say you can’t rely on motivation get you through this, so I’m just puttering along anyway. I’ll just make a schedule and a food plan and stick with it, and that’s it. I still can’t sleep well - although last night was the best night in 2 weeks - but one step at a time, I suppose
I also met a boy this weekend. Well, I met him last year, but I spent the night talking to him on Saturday. Of course, he’s shy. I need to get out of this “I like shy boys” phase because it really gets me no where…
Posted stellarosa27 on June 11th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
I keep avoiding my scale because I’ve eating late at night. I think I was okay with calories yesterday, I didn’t really eat much during the day (~600 calories) and then I had chicken enchiladas for dinner, but no sour cream and I didn’t eat the rice and beans. I just ate at 9:30. I’m really curious as to what my body is actually doing, so I plan to have dinner BEFORE 8 pm tonight so I can weigh tomorrow morning before the gym.
So last night was…okay. Actually almost like nothing happened. Which is good and bad, but we’ll focus on the good for now. My concern about him not returning my emails was quaffed when he explained that he doesn’t know how to use his blackberry and all emails were being put into the saved folder and not being sent. It may seem like a lame excuse, but I’ve known him for 6 years and it is completely consistent with his personality. My therapist suggests that we should still actually have a conversation, just to be really clear on everything and what our relationship is going to be, but I’m not worrying about that right now. Time to focus on what a fun weekend I’m going to have.
Its gonna be a good one!!!
Today is work, swim, work, gym, food shopping (I really mean it), home. Tomorrow I want to go spinning at 8 and then spend the morning/early afternoon at my apartment pool. I like the sun and I like having olive skin and lighter hair. I wear sunscreen, so don’t worry :) Tomorrow late afternoon/night is my friend Rachel’s birthday celebration which will involve a rooftop BBQ and bars in DC (so I will do my best to look stunning). I really need to take pictures with actual people, and not just me in my bathroom mirror. Not the same. Sunday is a bridal shower and the new season of True Blood.
I also ordered belly dancing DVDs and my friend H is going to share her strength training program with me, so I get to mix up my work out. Part of the whole - trying to keep myself busy thing - new things are exciting
I hope to be back regularly next week, instead of this sporadic crap. I need to get back into my routine and stop driving myself crazy. Plus, T - 13 days until Key West!!!! Maybe I can see 165 by then…if TOM doesn’t get in the way…
Posted stellarosa27 on June 10th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
Or 5. Whatever, I wouldn’t be picky.
So yeah - work’s just been busy - and I’ve been trying to keep busy after work - so that’s my lame excuse for not blogging.
I really need to go food shopping and get back on “eating” track. My calories are still low, and last I checked I was at 167.8, but I’m eating crap and I feel like crap. I also am still not sleeping, but that’s my own fault. I am exercising, either the stairmaster or running and push ups. I also swam today at lunch, and I plan to still go to the gym tonight. I’m having dinner with a friend, and the boy from last week will be in attendance. We haven’t spoken since I decided to ruin our friendship - sent him 2 random emails, no response. The way he’s going, I might send him a really long one with a whole bunch of stuff I was going to spare him, but we’ll see how spiteful I get. I have a lot of things to say to him, that I wasn’t able to say, and as he ignores me, I just get even more angrier. I don’t understand why *he’s* the upset one - I was the one who got rejected…I kind of wish I could go back and un-do what I did but still keep the knowledge that it would be a “no.” That way I could just move on, but he wouldn’t be all weird.
Tonight the plan is to go to therapy, work out for an hour, then go home and get gorgeous for dinner at 8:30. The underlying idea is - if I look pretty, I won’t cry.
I’m also thinking that I need to really start doing strength training, or something other than cardio. In the past week 2 people have told me I’m losing my butt, and I like my butt! I know I could do squats, but they’re soooooooo boring. I really need to buckle down though. I also really want to tighten my abs. I don’t have a “flat” stomach, per say, but its definately to the point where I could probably just tone it up. I really wish you could do “spot weight loss” but I know it doesn’t work…I just wish I wasn’t so shy about strength training at the gym. WH and Shape have great work outs (or so they appear) for strength training, but I just get so embarrassed when I’m in the floor space. I really need to get over it.
I may even break out my old belly dancing DVD - nothing like getting fit and feeling sexy at the same time :) I need the extra confidence, lately.
I’d like to thank the Flyer’s for their typical Philadelphia sports team performance last night. MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH - Revenge is a dish best served cold…that will teach you to knock my team out of the playoffs….
Posted stellarosa27 on June 7th, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Happy Monday (I know, oxymoronic statement)
Again, I’ve been quiet. I’ve been sad (I cried a LOT yesterday) but I’ve also been out and about on the town, which will explain my absence. I was down to 167.0 yesterday, but I haven’t really been eating much. No appetite.
I was out until 5:30 am Sunday morning (from Saturday night) - which is the explanation for the post-title. I spent Saturday-day at Samantha’s roof top pool - there was sun, grilling, alcohol and a lot of relationship talk. Not my relationship, because why would we spend attention on me, the girl who just had the equivalent from a break up from a 6 year relationship…but I digress. We got dressed up, went to bars in DC, and then ended the evening on another co-worker’s roofdeck while I tried to keep Samantha from jumping off of the balcony (she’s apparently a hot mess when drunk). The moral of the story is - don’t sober up enough to realize what’s going on, otherwise you’re not going to have fun.
I spent the majority of Sunday crying…I went to visit Jessie and she force fed me Chinese food because she said I looked too skinny. I mean probably, I hadn’t eaten in days, and then came home and colored while I watched the Last Unicorn. Some days you just need to go back to being 4 years old.
Today was better - although I look like I was crying all day yesterday - and I had jury duty. Got selected for a jury and I can’t say anything about it other than that - but supposedly they only needed me for today and tomorrow. Its really not bad - the courthouse is near my office so the commute is the same, but I get to go into court later than work
Positive news - I ran/walked around my block in 17 minutes tonight :) I haven’t really eaten much today, so I figured I’d do that instead of the full gym work out - but I didn’t die :) I’m going to go to the gym tomorrow morning since I have the extra time, and maybe the endorphins will put me in a MUCH better mood. So far I have plans for every day this week after work (except tomorrow but I’ll figure something out) so maybe I’ll get out of this funk. I have to SEE the boy on Thursday, so that may be hard, but a third party will be present, so I’m hoping that will kind of level the emotional playing field.
Sorry, that was kind of long and rambling… I’ll be more organized tomorrow…
Posted stellarosa27 on June 3rd, 2010 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »
Finding Nemo has a lot of great lessons in it. If you have never seen that movie, I highly suggest you add it to your NetFlix queue RIGHT NOW. And be prepared to cry several times.
Wght - 168.0
BF% - 28.4
Okay. So. Yesterday I had some sort of…I don’t know…revelation? Epiphany? Desire to know the truth? On my way home from work I called a certain boy who I’ve been confused about for 6 years and was like hey, come over and watch hockey. So he did. And the premise was to tell him how I feel/see what’s going on, etc.
I made dinner - chicken, yellow rice and asparagus - so I did actually make it above 1200 calories last night (especially with all the wine I drank) and the 168.0 isn’t due to lack of food. We watched hockey (THE FLYERS CAN SUCK IT) and at the end of the second period he got up to leave. We then had a non-conversation about things (this is how we communicate - its our own way and we understand it) but basically the gist is we’re just friends, nothing more is there on his side. And you know, that’s fine. I just really needed to know. I told him, hey, that’s fine, I just really had to know for sure, because I was confused. Then he left and I cried.
Why did I cry? Well, the rejection is a big thing, but you know what, I actually expected the No. I hoped for a Yes, but I was more prepared for No. I just don’t want things to change. He’s one of my closest friends and I never would have gotten through the past 2 years without him. I know he loves me and cares about me, regardless of its a romantic love or a friend love, and I’m okay with that!
Doesn’t mean I’m not really sad…but its okay, I can be sad. I’m alternating between sad Sarah Mclachlan and happy Sarah Mclachlan, and getting through it.
I’m also kind of excited - the past few weeks have been a complete turn around in my personality - and this could be the start of something new. My next few weekends are already booked with lots of opportunities to meet new people, etc, its just the week days that are going to be an issue.
Speaking of week days - I’m joining the local (near work) pool in hopes of going swimming at lunch on a fairly frequent basis. I can add this to my daily gym work outs - swimming just works your whole body and also helps with toning - and get a tan in addition to that! I went today for the first time, and even though my body is shaking from the exercise, I feel amazing. The endorphins and added Vitamin D of being outside also are helping my mood.
Tonight I’m going to go to Whole Foods and pick up a few things (including a salad for dinner) and then I’m going to come home, clean the apartment and maybe throw a run in there somewhere. A friend from NJ is coming to visit for the weekend, so I’m hoping to get up early tomorrow to work out (and then possibly go swimming at lunch). I just need to keep myself busy, and just keep swimming.