I haven’t posted lately, but I have been thinking a great deal about health, and change.  I know that for me, being/feeling fat is wrapped up with feeling horrible (a waste of space, a waste of talent, hideous, unloveable…), and I’ve been working on feeling less awful which I think is helping keep me on the healthy side of life.  I’m working on (and it is work, changing a lifetime of self-depricating thoughts) thinking of myself as a worthwhile and decent person, and being able to say that to myself without false bravado or feeling like I’m lying to myself.  It’s going well, and I’m really pleased with that and that I’ve begun a new cycle, just like the cycle of being miserable, eating to feel better, feeling worse about eating and so on and so forth.

I’ve also found a new favourite snack food; hummus and carrots!  I love the flavors, the textures, and the fact that I can munch on them until I feel full without being attacked by guilty feelings later!  I have been trying to find specific changes to make in my eating habits, because it finally clicked for me that in order to have a real difference take place in me, I have to actually make permanent changes, not just quick fixes or anything.  I’ve known that in my head forever, but having it really click in my life is making a great difference for me (again, causing me to feel better!).