Weighed in today and surprisingly was down 3lbs! More than happy with that. I was a bit peeved last week with the 1.5lbs loss but looking back now I think that was TOM bloating.

So onwards and upwards. Nearly at my first goal (to break 280lbs). I am so happy I have started this weight loss journey. So much is going on at the moment and I know previously I would have been stuffing food into my face to help me get through, but touch wood, so far I am able to make sense of that sort of overeating and not give in….

Really need to start exercising though. Just unbelievably unmotivated come the evenings. Weather here is rotten as well, its meant to be summer and we are having hail storms! Just puts a big blahhh on the day when it isnt sunny and the kids are going crazy stuck indoors all day.

Was sitting back having a think about things last night and it really struck me how much I have changed over the last few years. I think I really understand the term ‘letting yourself go’.. 

I know that I have had issues and losses in my life but still, I dont really get why I went into myself so much and started using food to such an extreme. I certainly dont get at what point you stop seeing reality in the mirror and not see the damage you have done to your body. Where did my self esteem go to or that thrill of looking good, getting compliments and overall feeling good in my body and mind?

I dont know if I will ever have the answers, but like I said I am so glad I have started to turn things around and started to like myself. I know I deserve this as much as I know my previous habits made me a reclusive misery.