I follow the boards at 3FC, which I fondly refer to as the “fatty forum” and I’ve realized a lot just reading other people’s thoughts and journeys. Quite frankly, it makes me sad. Sad for them. Sad for me. Sad for all of us struggling.
People have an unrealistic expectation for weight loss and it solving life’s problems. People think they’ll lose the weight and suddenly be so happy and have no issues and be able to “live like their skinny friends.”
You can’t. You won’t. You will have issues. Let me repeat that – you can’t, you won’t, you will have issues. You are more than the number on the scale. The number on the scale reflects your numerical relationship with gravity – not your self worth, your talent, your sex appeal, your humor, your purpose, your life.
Starving yourself, drastically restricting calories, taking supplements, working out for hours on end may get you to your goal – but are you going to do this for the rest of your life? Is this sustainable? It sure in hell isn’t for me.
No matter your size you will most likely have spots or areas you don’t like. My 60 year old 5’3″ 110 pound mother has spots she doesn’t like. She works out usually two to three times a day – yes, sometimes three times A DAY. She’s doing a 10k with us in a few weeks. She wants to reach her pre-pregnancy weight. You know – the one from 35 years ago. That sounds crazy, right? It used to infuriate me when anyone would comment on needing to lose 5lbs because let’s face it – I still want to lose 65 pounds. Now I realize that they’re battling the same demons and struggles I am. It’s not the number on the scale that’s doing this – it’s the way we internalize this. Because no matter what the number is we scrutinize. On the scale or in the mirror. We pick. We look for areas to improve. That’s part of being human – always wanting more (or less in our case.) I’d like to meet one person that steps on a scale and doesn’t have a single self image related thought.
You hitting that magic number “goal” number on the scale will not fix the issues upstairs. It won’t fix your relationship with food, because let’s be honest – we’re losing weight because of the relationship we had with food. There will always be temptations, bad days, emotions, challenges, etc.
Two months ago I forgave myself. I gave myself permission to screw up. I gave myself permission to have bad days. I also gave myself permission to stop hating my body. I gave myself permission to eat healthy and normally – without crazy restriction. I gave myself permission to eat when hungry, and work through whatever is upsetting me and making me want to eat.
If I could do one thing it would be to hug my 325lb self and tell her I love her and I’m sorry.
I hope you can do the same.