A little scared…
Yesterday was very stressful — I manage a system that has 3000 users and it was acting funky. Worked from 7:30AM to 9P. Not sure why I’m up now. I had to skip lunch — had a pack of peanut crackers from the vending machine (I felt virtuous for not getting peanut M&Ms).
I had to have a protein shake before going to bed because I was starving; got up this AM and was still starving so I made protein pancakes (1/2 ripe banana, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 2 eggs (or egg whites), 1/2 cup oatmeal (though i was out so used a whole grain packet). Mix in a blender and use like pancake batter. Yummy.
This week a lot of old feelings are coming up for me — the root of why I’ve struggled with my weight all these years. So, I’m putting this out into the universe. My father used to weigh me each week when I was 12 up until about 10th grade when I refused to do it anymore. I used to starve myself to make weight each week (some chart he had of what a healthy weight range should be) I did crazy things like freeze OJ and eat the cubes for bkfast because they lasted longer. 1/2 sandwich for lunch. Veggies for dinner. No wonder I never wanted to do any sports — I probably didn’t have the energy. It sucked, but my Dad was trying to avoid me being overweight like him. Big FAIL! Anyway, anytime I get hungry, really hungry then I start panicking. I think I’ve gotten in the habit of always eating enough to keep from having that feeling. Now that my tank is empty, I’m starving on a regular basis. Now that I’m 45, I think I’m old enough to recognize these feelings for what they are and deal with them. For now though, I’m going to try to get upping my protein to avoid being so hungry.