Tonight I sit here alone in the house. It’s very quiet and still. Everything that is, except for the clicking and tapping of the keyboard and mouse while I write my journal. The snow is blowing pretty bad outside tonight and the roads are slick with ice and snow. I just got home from taking the son to work, the daughter is out playing pool with a few of her friends and the husband is still working.
I don’t get this privilege very often, so when I do, I like to take a hot bubble bath and ponder life and all it’s intricacies. I reflect on 2012 and smile in anticipation for what 2013 will bring.
As far as the weight goes, I have actually gained a bit during my illness. I’m currently weighing between 220-224lbs depending on how much fluid I’m drinking on any given day. I know it can’t possibly be due to eating since I’m barely doing much of that these days so it has to be from all the fluids and medications I’m on while my body is trying to heal from this influenza/pneumonia. I’m actually a little surprised I’ve put on weight but it makes sense because of my body swelling so much.
When I was at the doctor’s the other day, I was weighing in at a wonderful 213.8lbs and I was actually eating more at that point that I have been this past week! Needless to say, the extra pounds are showing in how I’m feeling about myself right now. I’ve been sick since before Christmas and haven’t been able to shake this bug and it’s really starting to get me down. All the sleepless nights spent coughing and heaving combined with medicated constipation and upset stomach are all contributing to my melancholy mood. I’ve managed to cough some ribs right out of place so when I cough again, I cringe in major chest and back pain. Body aches and low-grade fever add to my dismal outlook. I feel like I’ve got to constantly void my bladder but when I cough, it voids automatically for me! LOL Oh the joys of being middle aged and having incontinence issues when you’re sick! I know I’ve matured when I don’t care anymore whether people know I’m having “issues” or not! LOL
I called work to find out when I’m scheduled to work next but when my boss heard my voice she told me I was scheduled to work tomorrow but since I’m still not sounding too well, she told me not to come in and to call again on Tuesday to find out if I should go to work for Wednesday. So I guess I’m not ready to work this week again after-all. I was really hoping to be better by now so I could get back to work. Our finances are taking a huge hit with me not working the past few weeks. Thank goodness I’ve got God to work it all out for me because if I had to worry about all this on my own, I’d be feeling pretty overwhelmed right now and not just down in the dumps because of this sickness. Even in my illness, I still praise Jesus Christ for providing and taking care of me all this time. Including our finances, my family and protecting our assets even if I’m not feeling top notch at this very moment.
It’s been a while, but I am finally starting to feel better. I got sick a week or two before Christmas with a cold and then thought it had left until the day after Christmas and I was hit with yet another bug that resulted in a major chest infection leading to influenza and pneumonia. I’m still coughing and dealing with some residual congestion but overall am doing much better. I don’t have my voice yet either but I don’t hear anyone in the house complaining about that!
While I’ve been ill, my eating habits have pretty much been hit and miss. Sometimes I would eat, and other times I would not, and I would even binge depending on how I was feeling on any given day. My weight has fluctuated between 213 - 219 but feel a lot of the weight gain was from fluid retention because of all the liquids I was drinking during the sickness. I have literally been drinking a LOT of very hot tea, water, and gingerale (to help with sore throat and phlegm). My son has started calling me “two-bites” though because when I eat, I have a few bites and am full and don’t want to eat anymore. He finds this quite amusing and now I’m stuck with another nickname. I’m okay with that too!
I have worked one day since December 21, 2012 because of this flu bug and am looking forward to being able to get out of the house once again and earn my keep.
Today, I weigh 220.4lbs but am not sure how that’s possible since I’ve hardly been eating anything in a week. This is a little discouraging to me but am hoping it’s only a temporary setback due to illness.
Today, my whole food intake consisted of the following:
Breakfast - 2 cups of my usual coffee.
Lunch - can of coke
Dinner - 3 bites of roasted chicken breast, 2 bites of chicken stove top stuffing, about 1/2c cooked beets and about 1tbs of chicken gravy I made from the juices of the chicken
Then I was completely full and could eat absolutely nothing else. It’s been like this for weeks now. Hopefully I’ll be able to taste food again soon too. I’m really missing spices.
Well Christmas of 2012 was a grand success and this year we got more than just gifts from our friends and family! Some long time friends from the big city of Toronto came to stay a few days over the holidays and were nice enough to bring with them more than just their gifts. They brought with them, the worst flu of the season!
Ever since the day right after Christmas day (Boxing day) we all came down with fevers, chills, sweats, congestion and sore throats that ultimately ends up in the chest. We’ve been sick ever since and are slowly finding out we aren’t the only ones hit with this incredible illness! It’s even more than just city-wide. It is province-wide and Lord only knows, it’s likely from East to West wide at this point. Friends and family we have state-side are also reporting the same illness. In my medical experience this is more than just a random flu bug going around. This is more severe and widespread. I’d even go so far as to say it may even be an epidemic verging on a pandemic if it keeps spreading like it is.
A friend of mine has a three year old girl who’s had this illness for about a month now and has been on several types of antibiotics and none of them have helped her yet. She’s very ill with pneumonia and severe congestion just like the rest of us. My mother (who is 70yrs old) who is also sick with it reports her whole apartment complex is bed ridden with this bug. Mark my words, this is not nature-made…. I don’t care who thinks I’m crazy but if you know anything about bacteria and virus’ you would know this does not happen on this grand scale without help from man and genetic engineering (I’m not the ONLY ONE who has this opinion either). A virus or bacteria adapt quickly and often mutate within weeks of the first outbreak but this has been going on for months without changing characteristics or symptoms and so far, I’ve not heard of any antibiotics or medical treatments that have been successful in eradicating this vicious illness.
Time will only tell how much damage this is going to cause to the public and to the many local businesses being affected by regular folks like myself who have lost valuable work hours due to this bug. In my place of employment alone, every single person in the hotel, INCLUDING guests have contracted this illness and are still trying to recover but faring similar circumstances such as mine own. I have lost almost 3 weeks thus far and see no end in sight in the near future (being the next week or so). I only pray it doesn’t get any worse than it already is. I’m fighting severe influenza and pneumonia at this point and the coughing is extremely painful. I haven’t had more than an hour or two of sleep at a time in the last 9 days as the coughing is so severe it prevents me from laying down and sleeping for any length of time before I start choking on mucous and fluid in my lungs. The other day my doctor told me that from his own experience and from what he’s heard from other local doctors most of the city has been hit with the exact same symptoms.
In other news, the bug is helping me to lose more weight which is the main reason for this journal. While I was at the doctors I weighed myself on his scale and am sitting at 97kg which roughly translates into 213.8lbs! For a grand total weightloss to date of 49.8lbs since May 19, 2012! WOOT!!! It will be interesting to see how my body adjusts to food once again when I’m back on my feet and feeling better.
January 3, 2013 - I turned 45 years old today. I’ve come so far, yet have so much further to go. Life has a way of changing us and teaching us things we never thought possible or plausible. Yet today, here I am. A little worse for wear but still “wearable”. A little older, but still young in so many ways.
My family gave me a new computer they had built themselves. A very fast and huge memory capacity desktop that I will have to take the next year or two to learn all the bells and whistles they put in for me. I spent my birthday installing all my Sims2 expansions and stuff packs just so I could see what the computer would be capable of and it didn’t let me down!
I have also been sick since the day after Christmas and am finally feeling better enough to write in my journal tonight before going to bed. The holidays were filled with delicious food and fantastic friends and family. I enjoyed myself but still watched what I ate so as not to gain too much during the holidays. I am happy to report I’ve actually lost some weight over the holidays and am currently weighing in at 217.2lbs. Just before Christmas, I had gained a bit and was sitting around 223lbs again but thankfully due diligence and a good dose of a head cold has paid off.
I had to pick up my son from work tonight at 1am which is why I am still up and writing right now. Everyone in the house is still sick including my mother who’s been with us since December 21st but will be going home on Saturday. Life is definitely good at 45. I wouldn’t want to change a thing!
I sit here tonight a little apprehensive yet anxious about the upcoming year and what it will bring with it. I wonder how the daughter will do in her winter term at university and if my son and I will get the full-time jobs we’re hoping for near the beginning of January. I contemplate how much 2013 will continue to shape and mould my life. Both good and bad. I think the biggest thing taking up a lot of my thoughts these days involve the weight and if I will manage to lose the rest before summer comes. It is so important to me to lose another 50lbs so I am able to feel healthy again. And with the weightloss, I pray the fibromyalgia leaves as the pounds do. This is at the forefront of the motivation for my 2013 weightloss plans. The person who coined the phrase, “no pain, no gain” never had fibromyalgia! LOL I’m hoping it will be the other way around! No gaining and no pain!
Today, I am 218.4lbs! I just had to write it down because I know tomorrow morning, that scale will once again, give me something else to work on.
I’ve had a hectic week with things going on around the house. The son has been sick for a couple of weeks with a chest cold / bronchitis and wasn’t doing too well for a few days recently that prevented me from going to work just to take care of him. (my son is disabled) Thank goodness he’s doing much better now.
The daughter is writing her final exam on Friday, December 14 then will have about a month off before starting her winter term. It’s hard to believe she’s right in the middle of her 5th year of university and will eventually graduate then go on to Teachers College and then an ESL course (English as a Second Language) so she can teach globally. She’s already quite fluent in Spanish (she’s doing a double major! One in English Literature and the other in Language) and I hope she decides to teach abroad and not settle down too quickly after she graduates. Don’t get me wrong, I want a good, Christian son-in-law & grand-babies, just not too soon!
I’ve been a little discouraged and down-hearted the past week or so mostly because of the weather I think. It’s been overcast and gloomy out for weeks now and missing the sunshine. We all started our Vitamin D regime for the winter months to help get ourselves in better spirits. I’ve gained about 4lbs this past week as well. Not happy about this. Yes, I’ve been indulging and allowing the kids to “treat” me to nights out at the local restaraunts and I have no excuse for this. Just that I’ve been feeling really down and then eating out made me feel even worse about things. Ugh, it’s a vicious cycle isn’t it?! Since I’ve been “moody” as of late, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the season and despite how I’m feeling “right now”, I’m still very blessed and content with my life.
As the Christmas season approaches, I find myself more and more thoughtful on the immeasurable awesome-ness of God and what He did for us (humanity) in the birth of His Son, Jesus Christ on what we call “Christmas” day. I am so grateful that He loves us so much - that knowing His Son would one day have to die a horrible death, He still gave us the greatest gift possible - His ONLY Son. For this I am truly humbled.
Currently weighing in at 222.6lbs - So NOT happy with this number!
It’s been almost a year since I started this journal and have managed to lose 43.8lbs to date. I am currently weighing in at 219.0 on a regular basis and have been keeping the weight off.
I’ve had a very eventful and industrious year thus far and imagine the Christmas season will bring even more surprises before 2012 ends with a flurry.
When I first started this journal I had no idea if I would succeed or even be able to continue to write as life has a tendancy to interfere with even the best of intentions. However, much to my surprise, I’m still journaling and still losing weight! I think that being able to write down how I have felt and documenting the influences in my life has helped me to stay on track. Reflecting on what triggers my eating binges and then changing what causes me to stumble has had a very large impact on my weightloss success this year.
As 2013 approaches, another birthday comes with it. (January 3rd - I will be 45yrs old) I anticipate a productive and another successful year in weightloss and more self-discovery.
My goal for 2013 is to lose the rest of the weight to reach my goal of 160lbs for the summer. If I don’t manage to obtain this goal in the expected time frame, I won’t fret, but know I will continue to work hard to lose the desired weight until I achieve goal weight hopefully before 2014 rolls around.
For my own benefit, I’m showing a couple of pictures of myself before I started losing the weight when I was at my heaviest of 262.8lb in May 2012 and now November 2012 at 219.6lbs
I NEED to face the reality of how big I had really gotten and NEED to keep things in perspective. And the only way I can do that is by forcing myself to see how I really looked at 262.8lbs. I ‘ve already come a long way but sometimes I just need to remind myself that I’m not quite there yet and need to keep working on losing weight.
To be continued ….
For the first time in at least 10 years, I am finally UNDER 220lbs!
I got up this morning and stepped onto the scale to see 219.6lbs appear on the screen. I didn’t believe it the first time so I tried it again and sure enough, it flashed again… 219.6lbs… I still didn’t believe it so I got my son to witness it and was assured that what I was seeing was most definitely correct.
After coming to my senses last week about how I’d been consuming vast quantities at night before bed and cutting the snacking out, I noticed the weight started coming off right away. It is still hard for me to resist the temptation to eat out of boredom and still need to find an alternative activity at night so I don’t get bored but in the meantime, my house is now spotless and am searching for something else to do so I don’t eat!
In the past couple of months, I’ve noticed a trend occurring in my eating habits. I’ve been working a LOT of hours and have had very little time for rest or personal quiet time to do my own thing and have realized I’ve been eating out of boredom when I get home from work.
I’ve really noticed it in recent weeks when I’ve grabbed the bag of chips that normally would sit at my desk for literally months at a time is now disappearing in only a couple of weeks. The dinner meal that would usually only get half eaten is now being fully consumed as well as something sweet which is something I don’t have maybe only two or three times in the course of a full year! (I’m not a “sweet” person, I like spicy stuff) Then what makes this all so much worse is a couple of hours later, before bed, I will make myself a sandwich and then have chocolate as the grande finale!
I work so hard most days of the week, when I get home or have time off, I am quite literally bored and unsure as to what to do with myself until I collapse into bed at night. I’d work out if I had the energy and I’d knit or crochet if my hands weren’t so sore from working all day. I’d go for a walk if I didn’t have the fibromyalgia that prevents me from even walking to the end of my street because of all the pain in my body. I’m not really sure what to do with myself at this point. If I had any friends, I would hang out with them and play cards or even just share conversation over a cup of tea.
Some nights I come home to an empty house and love it! I will make dinner for me and the husband (for whenever he gets home) and then clean the kitchen with my classy jazz or big band music playing throughout the house with no one under the age of 30 to complain about the “old tunes”! LOL Unfortunately, most nights someone has been home during the day and has managed to make a mess of the kitchen that I had cleaned when they weren’t home the previous night making all my hard work completely redundant.
Tonight, I’ve affirmed to NOT eat after dinner and will restrain myself from noshing whatever jumps into my hands…. that is…. right after I have me some popcorn…. Pray for me…
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