Just need to get my feelings out right now.
The past few weeks have been very hard for me. Emotionally I’m distraught and physically, I’m really FAT once again. I’ve packed on over 20 pounds since I hurt my back and I’m so discouraged. Still unable to work out and now that I’m transitioning back into work and up to 4 hours a day for 5 days a week, I am in a lot of pain once again. Spending all my free time laying down and taking a LOT of advil to help ease the pain. And the real kicker in returning to work is that I know once I’m back up to 8 hours a day, my employer will abandon me and won’t give me any shifts because they won’t be forced to keep me working once WSIB feels I’m “healthy” once again. I see the writing on the wall and there’s absolutely NOTHING I can do about it! This makes me so angry, frustrated and hurt. After all the hours spent working hard for my employer, the Holiday Inn and they will ultimately turn their backs on me in the end.
So at the end of all this, I’ll have no job and no income. I’ll still be recovering from my back injury that happened at work and I haven’t been able to find another job at all. Not that I’d be able to work somewhere else anytime soon, I’ve still been looking for another job that’s less physically demanding without any callbacks whatsoever. Feeling so hopeless right now.
And to make matters worse, I eat out of depression and then feel worse because I was too weak to resist eating. I’m eating all day right up until I go to bed at night and start all over when I wake up next morning. How depressing is that!?! I sure wish I had a friend. And this makes the depression worse… knowing I’ve got no one to talk to but this stupid journal that doesn’t help me anymore.
What I really need is a nutritionist, dietitian, personal trainer, or a bullet… one of these would fix everything in a second.