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A lot has happened since I last journaled. I had tried to return to work doing modified duties for 2 hours a day for 5 days a week but by the end of the 5th day I could barely walk let alone work. All I did for 90% of the last 2 hour shift was lay down and made sure my boss knew it before I left. The next two days I called in; not able to work because of the pain; then on May 23rd I had a Regional Evaluation Assessment by the WSIB called a REC. and according to their summary report, I was only able to do “water walking” until I have an MRI and they get the results in.

So I put a call in to my case manager at the WSIB and left a message for her to contact me regarding this information and that I’m unable to work due to the amount of pain I’m in. She has yet to return my calls. I’ve also faxed her with a formal letter indicating what I need and what is happening and STILL haven’t heard anything from her. Now today, I get a call from the physiotherapist that was part of the assessment and she thinks I may have “misinterpreted” the summary report in that she intended for me to return to work while I am supposedly to be doing “water therapy” as well. I reminded her that on the day of the assessment I was barely able to drive let alone walk at the appointment and how would I be able to cope with going to work as well. She said she’d have to discuss with the attending doctor and get back to me. I have a feeling I’m getting a huge run around by the WSIB trying to back peddle their decision.

I also went to my family doctor today as requested by the attending doctor at the assessment and am now on pain killers called percocet. I’ve never been on pain killers so he told me to take half of the dose to see how that works for me. I’ve only taken my first half of one about half an hour ago and I’m already feeling loopy. With this in mind, how in the world do they expect me to work like this now? It just amazes me how contradictory they can be at times! DOH!

Okay, am starting to see double so am going to go back to laying down again. I still feel the pain in my back but at least I don’t care anymore! LOL

Setbacks and Depression Have Set In

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It`s been more than 6 weeks now since I hurt my back and am fighting some major depression and my weightloss journey has officially hit a wall. I have now gained 6lbs since my back injury on April 6th. Unable to exercise or even walk, I am now depressed and discouraged being in a lot of pain from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night. I`m not sleeping well either because every time I adjust myself, the pain wakes me up again. I think after everything is said and done with regards to my back injury and ongoing health issues, I will look into applying for OSDP… joy oh bliss….

WSIB has set up an assessment at a clinic to find out what is really going on with my back pain and to see if I`m faking it or not. My doctor strongly advised me not to do more than I am able to tolerate and if the so-called specialist tries to force, intimidate, or threaten me to do more than I can, I am to tell them it`s unethical and will report them to the college of physicians and surgeons of Ontario. So with that said, I`ve been researching my rights as a patient and what the doctor`s can, and cannot do. With knowledge and information on hand, I will be better prepared for the assessment on Thursday, May 23rd. I`m hoping I get an MRI too for some solid answers and since I already suffered from Fibromyalgia before the accident, they aren`t legally allowed to use that as leverage in the assessment to determine the extent of the injury in relation to the WSIB claim.

I currently weigh 222lbs and not exercising at all. Depressed, sad and frustrated. Need to be able to get myself back on track but this injury has hurt a lot more than just my working performance. It has now infiltrated my private and personal life to a devastating extent where I`m miserable, moody, irritable and snippy with everyone around me. I burst into tears at a moments notice and have gloomy thoughts regularly. This is not how I planned my 2013 spring/summer to be. Holding out for answers to the pain without drugs or surgery…

Day 430 - Still Going ….

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Can you believe it has been 430 days since I started journaling my weight loss? It’s amazing how much has happened in this time.

Following up on my previous entry, WSIB is “harassing” me and trying to convince me to override my doctor’s recommendation to stay off work completely and he has recommended to me privately that I stay off that job until I am able to find another one that is less strenuous and physical. The WSIB lady actually full-out lied to me trying to tell me I am able to return to work whether my doctor says I can or not. I just let her talk but know the truth. I have read the WSIB website on their return to work policies and my doctor actually has the final say and I don’t HAVE to return to work unless he recommends it. I know they record the phone call conversations so when I was speaking with this woman, I made sure I did not say anything they would be able to misconstrue and try to stop the payments that I am entitled to. My chiropractor has given me until May 8th to be off work and submitted that information to my employer but the WSIB is trying to tell me I HAVE to go back to work asap. She recommended a nurse consultant for an assessment, MRI & xray. We’ll see if that does anything different. She also said she is going to recommend me to a “return to work specialist” who will apparently meet with my employer and myself to see what I am able to do at work while I’m recovering from this injury.

So, with that said, I have been looking for another job since I’ve been off work now for almost 4 weeks and sent out about 60 resumes to just about every job imaginable. Out of ALL these resumes I’ve sent out, I got ONE interview. Yes… only ONE! Pathetic if you ask me. With all my qualifications and transferable skill set, you’d think I’d get more responses than that. Oh well, one is better than none I suppose. I attended the interview this afternoon at 4pm. This particular job I had applied to is for a full-time butchers apprentice and will pay pretty darn good! I will know by this Friday if I get the job or not. I have to say, I think I would like the job though as it would expand my cooking/chef knowledge base even more and it would not be nearly as physically demanding as the one at the hotel.

Okay, WSIB - covered. Job search - covered…. what else… weight loss…. well… not doing so hot in that area right now. I am knowingly eating way too much (about 1700-1900 cals a day) and not able to exercise near as much as what I’d like to. I’m getting in about an hour of elliptical every 2 or 3 days and am incorporating the Wii fit in between those days to help with the muscle fatigue. I’m also doing circuit training every other day. I’m still not able to lean or bend without some sort of support to help me get down and up again. I’m still experiencing back spasms when I try to turn at the hips so I workout very carefully so as not to make my back hurt more. I’m currently weighing between 216-221lbs but am SO NOT HAPPY about this at all. Oh I also have been using my Polar HRM pretty much every time I am active and have discovered some information that might explain why I’m not losing the weight I should be.

I have Hashimoto’s disease which means my body went against my thyroid and basically “killed” it. When this happened, I started to gain the weight over many years despite my best efforts and think I now know why. The thyroid controls everything the body does including the metabolism and with the help of the HRM I was able to see exactly how many calories I burn during a rigorous workout for a certain amount of time based on my weight. On average, I’m burning only 5 calories a minute when I’m full-out exercising with a heart rate of 140bpm. A person with a “normal” metabolism will usually burn 18 calories or more in a minute. So it makes a LOT of sense why I’m literally not DROPPING the weight like I should be. The question is…. now what can I do???  I wish I could afford a personal trainer and someone to help me get my metabolism working right so I can burn calories. I also only burn an average of 2 calories a minute just doing normal daily activities. “Normal” people burn 8 - 10 calories a minute doing the very same things…. This has me really discouraged since I already eat between 1100 - 1500 calories a day and if I wanted to see the weight start coming off, I’d have to literally eat less than 500 calories a day to make any difference on the scales.

I guess only time will tell how this saga ends…. so not happy with my life right now… don’t get me wrong… personal life is good. Just the health and job isn’t so hot right now and I’m kinda discouraged and disappointed about how things have gone recently.