While unorthodox, I recently came to the realization that I’ve been grieving the loss of a very close family member since she died in 2002. The problem is, I’m the one that did it to her. I killed her and have regretted it ever since. She was my best friend and I had told her since she was very young that I’d always be there for her and in the end, all I could do was turn away. I hate myself for doing it and there’s absolutely nothing that will ever bring her back. I miss her terribly and have not been able to speak her name since the day she died. When I see pictures of her, I push back the emotions that well up and then turn to food to suppress the pain once again.
“She” was my dog. My faithful companion for 10 years. I saved her from near death when the people that originally owned her had tied her to a fence gate and she had gotten herself between the gate and post and was choking to death. I ran to save her and the owners gave her to me that same day. We were inseparable after that.
As she grew older, her past abuses began to appear. She had severe hip dysplasia and when she was 10yrs old, she was in a lot of pain and her hips would give out on her. After consulting the vet and the cost of fixing her hips was too expensive, I was told it would be cruelty to allow her to continue living in pain. They suggested – euthanasia. In a moment of weakness, I agreed and they took her away….
I let her down. I had made a promise to her when I saved her that I would always be there for her and I let her down.
Dedicated to the one I have always loved unconditionally … my dog “Bear” The only best friend I’ve ever had in my whole life and will likely be the only one I’ll ever have.