Being A Blessing & Being Blessed

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I haven’t been online much recently and have been dealing with some family issues that have needed my attention. The daughter’s 3 year courtship ended, the son has been dealing with his desire to find a future wife and the husband has been working double overtime for weeks now.

Needless to say, I’ve been needed to console the heart-broken daughter through sleepless nights and even longer days full of tears. But not to worry, things are slowly going back to normal and settling out.

However, I just found out today that I got accepted for a job up North and will be leaving at the beginning of May for the whole season. About 6 months I will be gone so I will not be able to keep up this journaling until I get back. I’m expecting to lose a lot of weight while I’m gone and hope my family will not die of starvation without me home to cook and clean for them every day. :-)

I have a month left here at home and have begun preparations for the trip North. Packing and creating a list of things I will need. Making lists for the rest of the family so the animals won’t starve or make messes on the floors either. :-) hehe Plants to be tended, etc.

I’m looking forward to the trip. I’ll have my own 2 bedroom cabin on the lake. Fishing, hiking, canoeing, boating, swimming, alone time in prayer and devotionals (almost a sabbatical!), personal rediscovery, and working full-time will be my life until some time in October when the season ends. The family will come to visit every few weeks or so and in a way they will get their vacations in while I’m working. It all has a way of working itself out somehow.

Day 18 - Oh Glorious Spring!

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The cold is finally easing up and has left in it’s wake, head congestion, runny nose and a chest cough. Not bad for a week-long illness. :-) I feel well enough for the first time in a week to get some major cleaning done around the house! I’m so happy I could jump for joy! hehe I love it when I can get outside and work in the yard.

I spent the day cleaning my kitchen / livingroom area (we have an open-concept home) and got our back yard cleaned up from the dog’s “business” during the winter months. I cleaned off the deck and am preparing the patio furniture for outdoor use. I think my nose got a bit burned being outside so much today. I even cleaned the livingroom windows and transoms! Again, I’m way too happy for words today!

In other news, the battle of the bulge continues. During the last week, my eating depended greatly on how I felt at any given moment. I ate a lot of soups and “lighter” foods so as not to upset my already queasy stomach. I think I should be completely back up to speed within the next couple of days.

Weather: absolutely GORGEOUS!

Mood: astounding!

Sleep: 4hrs slept alright but still not sleeping right because of the sinus congestion

Physical: feeling much better thank you

Activities: extreme housecleaning & yardwork - 6hrs = 1393cals burned

Total Calories Allowed: 2024cal

Total Calories Consumed: 1960cal

Day 13 - Absence

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I won’t be on much for the next few days until I start to feel better. I’ve been staying in bed and the body aches are just not much fun at all. Turning out to be a pretty bad cold.

Now if I could have this cold last for about 4 months, I could lose a good chunk of this weight since I’m not eating much at all.

Day 12 - Pre-Spring Cold

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Thanks to my husband, I’m sick with a cold. So on top of a really painful back, I now have body aches and a fever to go with my head congestion, sore throat, and runny nose. The past few days I have felt my body¬† holding fluids so I’ve gained most of the weight back from last week. (no surprise here)

Back to bed for me. Plenty of rest and fluids will help me get through the next few days.

Weather: overcast, rainy

Mood: happy, content

Sleep: 9+hrs off n’ on - congestion kept me from sleeping all the way through

Physical: head cold, congestion, body aches, fever, heavy head

Activities: bed rest all day

Total Calories Allowed: 2049cal

Total Calories Consumed: 1274cal

Day 11 - Recovering… again

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I’ve been “spring cleaning” the past few weeks and have managed to gather a few large baskets of items to give away. My son & I visited my mother the other day and took her all the “goodies” to sort through before donating them. When I lifted one of the heavy baskets from our truck, I felt an intense pain between my shoulder blades and the middle of my back went into very painful spasms. It took the last 2 days to get my back to stop hurting and I thought I was doing much better today but when I was cleaning, I hurt my back again.

My son and I were lifting a heavy wooden filing cabinet from our basement office into our 3rd floor great room when I reached up to push it up the steps and my back went into major spasms again (same place as before). Intense pain and throbbing ensued. My son finished the job on his own while I tried to get the throbbing to subside. Took some alleve and rested the remainder of the day. It hurts so much I can hardly breathe as it feels like my chest is caving in.

:-( Was not a good day for being active and will have to take the next few days to recover… again. So not happy about this since I was hoping to have my great room completely cleaned out and rearranged by the end of the week. Looks like it’ll have to be postponed until next week now.

Weather: sunny and mild

Mood: frustrated and a little discouraged

Sleep: 2+hrs my husband is sick with a cold and kept me up all night. Tried to sleep on the sofa but the dog thought I wanted to spend time with him so he kept a vigil at my side all night. The cats thought I was a comfy pillow to sleep on as well.

Physical: back is very sore - I think I dislocated that same rib today

Activities: light housekeeping = 233cals burned before I hurt myself again

Total Cals Allowed: 2032

Total Cals Consumed: 1307

Day 10 - Keeping Up Appearances

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Not much to say today other than the battle continues and I strive to remain courageous in the face of adversity and opposition. All the while remaining positive and hopeful. Food is not the enemy in this battle; but the habits that have been formed over many years are now waging war with my attempts to win this game of wills.

Today, I may have won the battle, but am still at war! I will live to fight another day!

Weather: sunny and mild

Mood: fiesty, mischievious

Sleep: 11+hrs very well on the new pillow. I should have bought a new one a long time ago!

Physical: back is still very sore - I think I dislocated a rib yesterday

Activities: light housekeeping = 233cals burned

Total Cals Allowed: 2032

Total Cals Consumed: 1556

Day 9 - Weakness

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Weakness comes in so many shapes and sizes. Some weaknesses only have to be the size of a pea in order to fall prey to it’s seductive draw. Some can be so big, it’s hard to see past it and if you try to walk away from it, it seems to follow and devour you.

I fell to a weakness today. My son took me out for lunch at Dairy Queen and I had my favorite thing. I had a regular plain hamburger with extra pickle (I do not like “extras” on my burgers like plastic cheese or heavy “sauces”), poutine and a medium chocolate shake. All this totalled a whopping 1770 cals!!! Just for LUNCH! :-o Good thing I only eat there once or twice a year.

Over the weekend I was actually struggling with cravings for crunchy things. Since most “crunchy” things are carbohydrate heavy, I munched a lot on carrots and celery. This helped satisfy that craving but am still craving banana or plantain chips a bit.

I will have to be extra good this week to make up for the enormous calorie expenditure I consumed with today’s lunch. My son is going to have to take me to a healthier place next time. But gotta love him for taking his mama out for lunch! Lord bless that chile’ o’ mine! He has such a good heart.

Weather: sunny, brisk

Mood:happy, content

Sleep: 7hrs slept very well - had gotten a new pillow yesterday

Physical: overall pretty good but my back went into spasms this afternoon when lifting a basket out of the truck.

Activities: mall walking with my mother and son - 4hrs = 931cals burned

Total Calories Allowed: 2032cal

Total Calories Consumed: 2468cal

Day 8 - All In A Days Work

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Right now, my eliptical is a really good dust collector and clothing rack.

It is said that if you do something long enough it becomes a habit, then the habit becomes your character, then that character becomes your destiny. I figure if I do this long enough, then weightloss ultimately becomes my destiny and will remain that way for the rest of my life. In theory that is….

When I used to work out every day and was into body-building, my trainer always told me it takes 3 weeks of consistent behavior for a person to develop a habit. With this in mind, I should be well on my way to losing weight by the end of March 2012 if this information is indeed correct.

I knew this to be a personal fact since I did that for about 10 years before I stopped exercising. I miss being able to exercise, and hope that with weightloss, I will be able to pick up exercising once again. I’ve always been an active person, even fat, I’m very active. My family always tells me to “relax” and “take it easy”, but I find it very difficult to sit down for any length of time. I just like being a busy person. Even when all my housework is done, I look for something else to do. I like exercise and I just love the “burn” of a good aerobics workout. When the heartrate goes into overdrive, then into low-gear and you hit that plateu, there’s just nothing else like it. Since I’m unable to even walk any distance, taking the dog out for a walk, is not an option I have. Not being able to afford a personal trainer or go to the gym, I have to look at other alternatives to get back into shape as I start losing this weight.

At my peak, I was doing 1 hr of advanced step aerobics, 1 hr running on treadmill, 1 hr weight training, 1 hr playing basketball or volleyball on the courts and 1 hr swimming laps. After all this, I would spend about 20 mins in the sauna, have a quick shower then be home in time for the kids after school. I LOVED this routine!! It was my life for so many years. At my age now, I would be happy with just being able to do beginner aerobics to start with.

I have an eliptical machine that I purchased a few years ago before I developed FM and worked out on it every day until I could no longer handle the pain of being on my feet for any length of time. My hope is to lose enough weight that my FM doesn’t hurt so much and I’ll be able to get back on that eliptical because it is a low-impact exercise I want to be able to do again. Otherwise, doing housework is about all I can handle right now and on some days, even that is too much.

Mini-Goals:

  • Get onto the elipitcal once again.
  • Be able to lift my arms over my shoulders.
  • Be able to turn a page of a book without pain.

Weather: light snowfall, cloudy

Mood: antsy, jittery

Sleep: 7hrs slept well

Physical: headache, heavy eyelids

Activities: light housekeeping & shopping - 583+cals

Total Calories Allowed: 2032cal

Total Calories Consumed: 1359cal

Day 7 - Weighing In

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So my first week is now behind me and I managed to lose a total of 4lbs in 7 days. I don’t put much excitement into this achievement mainly because this is a normal fluctuation for me. I will get excited when that weight stays off for more than a week and then I know it’s really gone.

I started out at 248.8lbs and am currently sitting at 245.4lbs which is a great thing. Yes, I do have a digital scale which helps me a lot and I prefer to see those slight differences showing up since I have “good” days, and I have “bad” days.

Hashimoto’s disease has been my life since my son was in kindergarten and I was forgetting to pick him up from school. I kept going to the doctor because I was forgetting everything and felt like I was literally going crazy. The doctor kept treating me for depression, bi-polar, manic depressive and many others. He had me seeing two phyciatrists of which only wanted to medicate me even more and then wanted to take away my children and put me into a mental institution. It wasn’t until I persisted on a weekly basis with my family doctor that he finally did a blood test for TSH levels. When the results came back, he referred me to an endocrinologist the very next day.

A week or so later, I found myself sitting under a machine testing my thyroid and found out I was in the later stages of the disease and my organs had started shutting down. My brain function was barely holding on, I had lost a lot of my long-term memory and a good chunk of short term memory was gone, and the specialist told me, at that time, that if I had waited another two months, I would have been dead.

So of course I freaked out. I was furious with my family doctor because I had been telling him for more than three years that I wasn’t depressed or suicidal but he wouldn’t listen and kept putting me on anti-depressants and the like. Needless to say, I eventually found another doctor to help me manage my health. I was placed on synthetic thyroid medications and over the course of the last 15+ years, I’ve at least stopped gaining weight and have recovered some of my short term memory loss. I still struggle with memory but not sure if I’ll ever regain my pre-thyroid mind back again. One advantage I have is that I can most definitely blame my forgetfulness on a man! LOL

After the diagnosis, I did my own research and found out that 7 out of 10 women over the age of 25 will develop a thyroid disorder and MOST women won’t know it and the doctors don’t routinely test for it. This is unacceptable with today’s medical knowledge about how this one little hormone factory controls the very core of our being. From menstruation cycles, energy levels and hunger pangs, mental functions, skin health, to metabolism. And everything in between. Our thyroid literally controls EVERYTHING in our bodies.

Today, I take the day off from cleaning and keeping busy. Today, I will try reward myself with idleness and relaxation for being persistent this week. I’ll need to rest up for the week ahead as it is an ongoing daily battle of the bulge. Every little victory is a victory none-the-less. I’m going to enjoy today no matter what. I deserve it.

Weather: cold, windy, cloudy

Mood: content, thoughtful

Sleep: 7hrs slept “hard” (really hard)

Physical: all over body aches and swollen

Activities: bare minimum

Total Calories Allowed: 2032cal

Total Calories Consumed: 1160cal

Day 6 - End of First Week

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As we draw closer to the end of my first week in changing my attitude to change my life, I have learned a few things about myself that I hadn’t previously known or realized.

I HAVE LEARNED:

  1. I am an evening muncher. After 8pm, I find myself with the urge to munch on just about anything. From the whole grain crackers to nuts and occasionally my peanut butter sandwich. It was more difficult to resist eating after 6pm than I had originally thought. (I notice there is a trend here…. it’s carb heavy)
  2. I like milk and all the products that go along with it. Even though I had cut out dairy a long time ago, I have realized I crave it like a mad dog from time to time.
  3. If I am being honest here & with myself, I have to admit that I am lonely. With all the changes in my life the past few years and the kids all grown up now *(22yrs & 20yrs old) I know I am no longer “needed” as I once was. I didn’t realize how much I’m in need of a friend and don’t actually have any in my life. I’ve been so busy with raising kids and taking care of a husband for so many years, I never stopped long enough to take stock of my own life and fulfil my own needs. Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of people, but I don’t have anyone close enough I could call that would actually want to do something with me, like get together for coffee and just chat, go to a movie etc. In fact, if I look back on my whole life, I have never had a friend I could do that with. Boy, I think I am a recluse and I don’t really like it too much.

How will I take these discoveries and change them into victories in the weeks ahead?

  1. I will continue to resist the urge to munch after 6pm and drink more water at night.
  2. I will continue to keep dairy products to a bare minimum.
  3. I am not sure how to go about finding actual friends to spend time with so this one will have to be a work in progress.

Weather: mild, overcast and drizzling

Mood: tired, cranky, bored

Sleep: 7hrs tossed n’ turned

Physical: achy but overall pretty good

Activities: light housekeeping - 233+ cals burned

Total Calories Allowed: 2032cal

Total Calories Consumed: 1883cal

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