Day 1.5

Yesterday was only partially day one. Half of the day was spent eating well and the other half I ate whatever I felt like eating. This morning I debated on whether I should go to the Student Union and Recreation Center to weigh in or the gym that the school uses for classes. I chose the gym becaues it was mid class and I knew I would be able to weigh myself more comfortably without other people around.

One thing I never understood is why people judge overweight people at the gym. Instead of sending the stink eye their way, gym bunnies should encourage us to be there and make us feel welcome. At least we are making an effort to do something about out weight whether it is health or personal reasons.

I digress. I weighed in and for the first time in my life I am over the 250 mark. It is not as bad as I thought it would be, I was guessing 260, but I was still slightly dismayed and angry with myself for letting my weight get so out of control. At 254 I have decided this needs to stop. I am not losing my weight for anyone but myself. I am not losing weight to wear the clothes I want to wear or to be sexy. I am losing weight because I know that I use weight as a security blanket so that I don’t have to put myself out there. Being fat allows me space to hide.

I am ready to just be me.

Hi, I’m Susan.

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